A Short Discussion about 'The Universe'
by N. Reynolds
Summary: The title and form are based on a Steve Darden comedy routine. Chp.7 Added, The weirdness that usually hits Ranma now targets Nabiki.
1. Chapter 1: The Basis of Magic

"A Short Discussion about `The Universe'"  
  
by Neil Reynolds  
  
Chapter 1: The Basis of Magic  
  
Nabiki Tendo made it a habit to carry a small tape recorder as a means of accurately reviewing information whenever she was pursuing information that would be important to her. The really important conversations would then be uploaded onto her computer, compressed, encrypted using a key-disk, and stored on CD-ROM. These, along with the older method of using pads of note-paper could be locked up when not in use.  
  
For this reason, we have a complete record of her conversations with Cologne of the Amazons.  
  
Cologne: What can I do for you today?  
  
Nabiki: I'd like you to teach me what you can about using magic.  
  
[pause]  
  
Cologne: Normally I'd just turn away anyone who asked that. Assuming for the moment that I could, I don't think that it is something that either of us would want.  
  
Nabiki: I should be able to judge what I want, don't you think?  
  
Cologne: Yes, you should. However you don't have any real idea as to what it would entail. Effectively you don't yet know what you'd be getting yourself into. But lets deal with the easier argument. Why should I teach you? You aren't a member of our tribe. You're the sister of the enemy of my great grand daughter.  
  
Nabiki: Hardly. If Shampoo and Akane were merely enemies, this whole business surrounding Ranma would have long been over. You're fostering their competition for your own ends.  
  
Cologne: As are you. But why should I help you in this?  
  
Nabiki: For one thing, if you don't, then I'll find some other method of learning it. You'd rather be in a position to supervise me. As for another reason, well, any of the reasons that you're training Ranma in martial arts would do. My intellectual skills suit me as his physical skills suit him. Perhaps you would like an heir?  
  
Cologne: I can use Shampoo for that.  
  
Nabiki: Shampoo can learn martial arts also, so why train Ranma?  
  
Cologne: As Shampoo's husband, he'll be a member of the tribe.  
  
Nabiki: You and I both know that that is merely a bargaining position, not a certainty. Besides, Ranma is Shampoo's better in martial arts. I'm Shampoo's better at intellectual pursuits.  
  
Cologne: Still, his sense of responsibility will link him inexorably with the tribe, no matter who he marries. Ranma's delightfully old-fashioned that way. The more you give him, the more he feels he owes you. You would have fared still better with him had you realized that early enough.  
  
Nabiki: Blame that on the inexperience of youth. I'm not used to dealing with modern kids who hold traditional values, and it's not that easy to switch modes of thought to giving, when you are already taking money from the students at large.  
  
Cologne: Still, Ranma is tied to the tribe, and you aren't.  
  
Nabiki: I'm pretty sure you could find some way to satisfactorily tie me in if you do teach me. Besides, if Ranma marries a Tendo, I'll be his sister-in-law. That should be a start, anyway.  
  
Cologne: Never-the-less. You are stronger willed, and harder to manipulate than others. Why would I want to give you more power to fight me with than you already have?  
  
Nabiki: Would we fight?  
  
Cologne: We're fighting now.  
  
Nabiki: Would you want a weak willed heir, that has to run to you for every little thing, or one who thinks for herself?  
  
Cologne: I'd want one who thinks independently, but would defer to my advice on subjects I know more about. I think you should forget about learning magic. Good day.  
  
Nabiki: As this is hardly an emergency, there is no need for me to instantly follow your suggestion. Let us discuss it some more, Sensei.  
  
Cologne: Would I have to argue with you every time I want you to do something?  
  
Nabiki: Hardly. If a martial artist shouts "Duck", I'll duck. In a non-emergency though, I like to be convinced that I'm doing things for the right reasons.  
  
Cologne: And in a situation where I know a reason that you don't, and I don't feel I can tell you?  
  
Nabiki: Then you'd have to depend on me trusting you. I'm sure you'd foster such trust in someone you were teaching.  
  
Cologne: Well then, assuming I were able to teach you, and assuming that you were bound to the tribe, I could see you as a possible student. However, There are reasons that you would not want to learn magic, but you'd have to learn magic to understand them.  
  
Nabiki: There are obvious reasons not to learn martial arts, such as the pain involved, yet people still learn them. Can you give me an idea in layman's terms why I wouldn't want to learn about magic?  
  
Cologne: Well, there are several. The most obvious is that it isn't a safe practice.  
  
Nabiki: But then neither is anything else around here, except needlepoint. And I'm pretty sure a member of the school for martial arts needlepoint will come through town eventually.  
  
Cologne: Once you start on magic, you cannot just drop it. And the more you learn, the more you realize you have to learn in order to be safe. Plus, magic speaks to magic. How much mystical craziness was drawn to Nerima by Ranma's arrival?  
  
Nabiki: Still, I never liked the idea of safety through ignorance, and hoping to be left alone. Plus, I'm already living in interesting times.  
  
Cologne: You may be living in them, but you aren't living them yet. You've watched the insanity, not been affected by it. Plus there are dangers that only occur to those who know magic.  
  
Nabiki: Still, I'm the sort who'd rather more knowledge. I have much less problem with dangers I understand, than always being a victim of whatever magical vagaries pass through. Now that I know of the existence of magic. I can't content myself with ignorance. You can't put the chicken back into the egg.  
  
Cologne: True, but as your teacher, I'd face many of the same problems that this would create as you will.  
  
Nabiki: If teaching it is as bad as all that how does anyone get taught?  
  
Cologne: Few enough do. Why do you think that there isn't a hundred magic practitioners in the phone-book? That is the main reason I didn't wish to teach you.  
  
Nabiki: But you're willing now?  
  
Cologne: I didn't say that.  
  
Nabiki: What other reasons do you have?  
  
Cologne: I have severe doubts about my ability to teach you anything useful. Partly because I don't know how touched by magic you are, and partly because of our vastly different backgrounds.  
  
Nabiki: I would think that after living here I could be considered touched by magic.  
  
Cologne: It's actually a technical term. Let this be your first lesson, granted provisionally. As I said before magic calls magic. A person growing up in an environment without any magic would be unable to do any magic even if they had the knowledge. There would be nothing for them to work with.  
  
Nabiki: But that would imply that you can gift magic abilities. Just cast a spell on them and they'd be touched, right?  
  
Cologne: True, but in practice it isn't that simple. Would you be willing to jump into Jusenkyou in order to be sufficiently charged? In any case, it's not only a matter of how much magic hits you, but how much sticks to you, can be stored in you, and how it drains off. Think of it like heat. If you're protected by a perfect insulator, none will get in, but if you transmit it perfectly, it would enter, and drain right back out.  
  
Nabiki: But nothing in life is so perfect. Are the odds that high that I'd be incapable of magic? Besides, I want to understand how it works even if I am unable to influence it directly.  
  
Cologne: You're right. Few people are completely magically dead. It would just be a matter of finding out the best way to start you off. Throwing you into Nannichuan would probably do it.  
  
Nabiki: I hope you can find a less extreme method if it is necessary.  
  
Cologne: Oh, I should be able to do something. How about a magical potion to make you and Mousse fall in love? Then you'd be in the tribe, and we'd kill two birds with one stone.  
  
Nabiki: Between the two choices, I'd pick the Jusenkyou curse.  
  
Cologne: I'm sure we'll come up with something if it's necessary. Alright. I'll agree to it provisionally. I'll instruct you, until I deem it unwise. I'll raise other objections along the way, and if you can not come up with convincing reasons, then I'll stop.  
  
Nabiki: OK, how do we start?  
  
Cologne: We already did. this was your first lesson. I'll assign homework for the groundwork for our next lesson. As this is for your benefit at your instigation, you can decide how much you need to do. List all of the different methods of spells that you have seen or heard of around here, plus read up on both legends and fiction and list the magic methods used. You decide how many books to read, and come back when you think you have done a sufficient job.  
  
* * *  
  
Cologne: So Nabiki, what have you noticed?  
  
Nabiki: Well, there seem to be several branches of magic, and groups tend to pick one and stick to it. The Amazons favor potions, and cooking related methods. The Phoenix tribe makes artifacts from the byproducts of their immortal god-king. Happosai likes to use Shinto items in casting spells. The implications are that either different forms of magic cannot be used together, or that no one understands magic well enough to combine two different styles. I assume that you will teach me your tribe's form of alchemy.  
  
Cologne: A good observation, and a good hypothesis. Unfortunately you are wrong. There is only one type of magic in the world, and one method for casting a spell, and billions of methods of casting a spell.  
  
Nabiki: Is this some gnostic contradiction like Christianity's one that are three gods that are one, or is it some kind of riddle.  
  
Cologne: It's a koan. A riddle meant to impart an understanding that fails to be adequately expressible in language.  
  
Nabiki: You're not going to hit me on the head to help me achieve Satori, are you?  
  
Cologne: No, just if you act stubborn or dense.  
  
Nabiki: Was that the sum of todays lesson. Am I supposed to meditate on the koan until I understand?  
  
Cologne: You can do that in your own time. I will do my best to explain, and in time you'll grasp it fully. If each person could follow an instruction sheet, and cast a spell, it would put magic in the sphere of science, or physics. There can be no instruction books of stored spells. Each mage has to make their own, for only their spells would work for them.  
  
Nabiki: But Shampoo uses your books, and claims that they are Amazon heritage.  
  
Cologne: There are ways around most rules in magic. In this regard you might treat all amazons as a single person. Even in this case, there are spells of mine that she couldn't use, even if she became a better mage than I. I could loan you my books, and you probably would never get one spell to work.  
  
Nabiki: I don't understand why.  
  
Cologne: It's related to another saying about magic, and one of the reasons I was against teaching you. It's "There's nothing more dangerous than an insane mage, and there's no such thing as a sane mage." There are always hidden costs in doing things because we can not see all of the ramifications beforehand. Learning magic changes you in unexpected ways. If you ever meet an insane mage, grab your loved ones and flee. You'd be better off juggling knives with a sociopath.  
  
Nabiki: I still don't understand.  
  
Cologne: Using magic isn't the act of a sane woman. I toss a ball into the air, and it falls until it hits something. It doesn't hover in midair against all common sense, unless we want it to.  
  
Nabiki: Magic relies on belief? A sane person doesn't believe in magic?  
  
Cologne: Belief is important, but that wasn't my point. Belief is important for the strength of a spell, for lack of a better word. I'm discussing the ability to use magic at all. Magic exists. This is an undeniable fact. A sane person faced with this fact would have to accept it. The point I'm working toward deals with the woman's view of the world itself, not their belief in magic. Remember, someone can be sane, and wrong, or misinformed. Imagine for the sake of argument that you have always been one of the perfectly sane people. Before Ranma showed up, you believed magic was impossible. After Ranma, you believed magic was possible. The world didn't suddenly change, neither did you. There is no reason to say you became more or less sane at that moment. Think about how we view the world, and not what we believe about the world  
  
Nabiki: The way we view the world? Before you mentioned a desire to make the ball float. You mean magic is caused by insane desires? Are you suggesting the Hindu idea of the world being illusionary maya caused by our desires?  
  
Cologne: Bah. That only works if we carefully define "real world". No. The real world is real enough for me. Yes, desire is a necessary component in spell-craft. Your religious beliefs on the nature of existence are your own, and I'm not about to try to give you mine. Casting a spell has more to do with the caster than with the object of the caster. Change the caster and rework the spell. The spell is affected by a multitude of minor differences in the caster. It relies on the bizarre foibles that separate each individual from a homogeneous society of sane individuals, all acting and thinking the same. Viva la difference. It just so happens that due to our isolation, all amazons have a homogeneous culture, so we share many of the same mental kinks. That's why Shampoo's spells would be similar to mine. For them to work best for her, she'd have to adjust the recipes through trial and error. A truely sane person wouldn't have any tools to cast a spell. An insane person would have too many.  
  
Nabiki: OK, I can accept it on principle, but I can't say I understand it.  
  
Cologne: I'd be surprised if you truely did. I can offer you an analogy. Your older sister is very well adjusted socially. She has her niche, and seems content within it. Could a person like that rule a country? Could any of the world's great conquerors have had her attitude? To rule requires a dissatisfaction. A happy, content person would have no need to deal with politics or warfare. In this regard you could argue that one needs that dissatisfaction to rule, or rise in power. So to, do we need foibles to cast spells.  
  
Nabiki: OK, I think I can see that.  
  
Cologne: Well then, perhaps we'd better end this lesson. You'll need time to prepare for the next. The next one will probably be unpleasant for you. Unfortunately I don't know any other method.  
  
Nabiki: Is this where we start bizarre methods involving fire or swinging boulders?  
  
Cologne: No. Something much less pleasant for someone like you. I cannot teach you without better understanding your foibles. This requires you to open parts of you to my scrutiny. Are you willing to answer personal questions about yourself honestly? Letting me find out how you think? Your speed in learning will be related to the level of trust you are willing to give me.  
  
Nabiki: And this is the only way to proceed?  
  
Cologne: Well it's the only morally acceptable way. I need the information to proceed. The other alternative would be to tear that information from your brain. I refuse to do that. You'll have to relax your inhibitions and provide the information voluntarily.  
  
Nabiki: You can tear information from another person?  
  
Cologne: I'm not good at it. My victim would probably die in the attempt. It's like throwing an egg against the wall in order to extract the yolk. Given the choice, I'd rather kill someone.  
  
Nabiki: I'm not sure I can be that honest with you.  
  
Cologne: If it's any consolation, I don't look forward to the process either. You might look at it like a visit to a therapist. The end result is for your benefit. If you're not willing to continue, or if you are not willing to reveal enough to be useful, I'll understand.  
  
* * *  
  
Cologne: Well Nabiki, do you want to continue?  
  
Nabiki: I'm willing to try; I'm not sure how much I can open up to you.  
  
Cologne: Well, if you feel you need it, I have spells of my own that would dampen your emotional reactions. You'd still have your intellectual inhibitions, but your emotional reaction to them would be dulled. There are a variety of reasons that I would rather not use it. But if it proves too difficult for you, we can try it. Lets start off slowly. You're walking down a street, and a complete stranger walks up to you and tries to hand you a 1,000 yen note.  
  
Nabiki: Why?  
  
Cologne: He doesn't want to say.  
  
Nabiki: Does he want a receipt?  
  
Cologne: No, just for you to take the money. Why do you hesitate?  
  
Nabiki: I want the money, but I don't trust him.  
  
Cologne: Say he looks ordinary, and unconcerned if you take it.  
  
Nabiki: I'm a good judge of character, but I can be fooled. I refuse.  
  
Cologne: He leaves, walks around a corner and disappears. Would you have taken it if it were less money?  
  
Nabiki: If it were obviously an inconsequential amount like a 5 yen coin, I'd probably accept or refuse, whichever was easier to get away from him.  
  
Cologne: How about a vastly larger sum? Say twenty 10,000 yen notes?  
  
Nabiki: Then I would take it, thank him, go to the bank, put it in my lock-box, and report to an official that I found it on the ground. That way if something's wrong with it, I wont be incriminated.  
  
Cologne: Very careful. Why couldn't it just be charity?  
  
Nabiki: People only give charity to people who need it, not random strangers. It doesn't happen often in any case. More likely it's a confidence man, or possession of the money would be injurious to him. Maybe it's counterfeit and he's trying to cover his tracks by spreading it around.  
  
Cologne: Next question. An obviously destitute boy is trying to get a sentimental possession that has blown out of his reach. It's only 2 meters up, but he can't reach it. You happen to be walking by.  
  
Nabiki: I'd hand it to him.  
  
Cologne: You'd do it for nothing?  
  
Nabiki: If he were obviously wealthy I might finagle some money out of him. But I don't mind doing something small for others without reimbursement.  
  
Cologne: Now we come to the heart of today's lecture. I want you to answer emotionally, or instinctively if you prefer, to this scenario. Afterwards I'll ask you for a reasoned explanation. There's no reason to think that the two answers will be the same, so don't worry about giving the wrong answer, because there really isn't a wrong answer to the first part, merely possible untruths and self-deceptions.  
  
Nabiki: I'm not sure what you want here.  
  
Cologne: I want your opinion off the top of your head, even if its one you would never act upon because after a few seconds, You'd rationally chose a more thought out action. The idea is to see which way your mind would jump under odd circumstances. Most of your life is intellectually focused. You think things through before doing something, but there is always an immediate response before you've let an idea be digested. If someone shouts "look out", you dodge, and in the time remaining try to figure out where is safe. But before you determine how to duck, you are already in motion. It's these instinctual responses, and I'm using the term "instinctual" loosely, that prevent any rational, logical model of thought to simulate human thinking. They color our thought processes to some degree, and are a strong driver for lateral thinking. You being a very logical person, probably pay it little mind in your deliberations, but you also probably overuse rationalization after the fact to explain why you did something impulsively. That's why it is necessary for me to give you this long explanation beforehand. You expect there to be one answer, where I want two.  
  
Nabiki: All right, like in free association, you want the immediate correlary, instead of a logical one.  
  
Cologne: Exactly. You're in a situation you've been in hundreds of times. Maybe it's dealing with betting at school, or a fight between Kuno and Akane. You know exactly how it is going to go. You may be even feeling bored, because it's so obvious what is going to happen. But then it doesn't. What caused the bizarre to happen?  
  
Nabiki: Someone else manipulating things. Something I overlooked. Who profits and is smart enough to do this.  
  
Cologne: OK, lets look at a specific case, and get your better thought out answers. Akane and Kuno are about to fight, because Kuno blindly loves Akane, and Akane can't stand Kuno. Instead of punching him, she says "Lets play Shogi."  
  
Nabiki: Well, it's a distraction ploy. She doesn't really want to play with him, so she's doing it to distract him from something else. There are easier ways to distract him, so either shogi is involved for some reason, and she fixated on it, or it was completely planned from before this. Barring any Shogi martial arts challenges, she must have had the idea given to her. She's too direct to plan it out in advance, and if shogi wasn't important, she'd pick something easier. So someone offered advice, and shogi was mentioned. Either it was the fathers, or someone else mentioned something, and she immediately associated it with our father's games. First hypothesis, Kasumi suggested something involving distraction and drew an analogy to our parent's cheating. What's Kuno being distracted from? Look in the areas he'd be if things happened normally.  
  
Cologne: Let me give you a bit of amazon history to show you how we regard the inconceivable. Whenever amazon society was flexible, we'd adapt new ideas of other people into our outlooks. Whenever it was rigid, we'd reject the outside world. One of those periods that shaped our beliefs were the logical/philosophical arguments of the Greeks. From Heraclitus's discarding organized religion as a control method for the powerful, to Pythagoras's explorations of the nature of matter, to Plato's Ideal Forms. The universe was knowable, both from observation, and from purely rational deliberation. The basis for the "scientific method", which was lost in Europe through the dark ages until the renaissance.  
So when magic was proved to exist, We fit it into this mind-set. What rules did magic follow? Remember, that this was the time when the idea of something acting had nothing to do with whether it were observed or not. The idea of wondering what sound a falling tree made if no one was there would have been considered insanity. So first we decide what rules we thought magic could follow, and then we test to see if we were right. And, of course we found that we were right. This inspired many of the rules of magic. The law of similarity. The law of contagion. The law of synthesis. And of course any magic that we tried that violated our laws failed, because we knew they would. There was, of course magic out there that didn't obey our rules, but we couldn't create it. This we classified as "Wild Magic". We assumed there were rules governing it, but no one knew what they were.  
Now the Greeks had a mania for classifying things, which our magi adopted. After all, the Greek way worked for nearly everything, and for what it failed to explain, it would get around to it any day. So here's the big question. What are the smallest units of existence by which everything is made, and how many are there? Well, anyone studying science at all will realize what a wonderful job of classification current thought uses.  
Science said "The smallest unit of something is the molecule, because that's how we define a molecule." Molecules can change, but that changes what an item is. There are arguably an infinite number of them. But then we want to describe how molecules change. We decide that molecules are constructed of building blocks. about a dozen peculiar ones, and a whole load of metals. So we define atoms as the smallest unit. Current science has classified about a hundred. But these atoms have similar properties, and form a logical progression. To explain this, we have all atoms being constructed of electrons, protons and neutrons. We're down to three. At this point science didn't really need a name for this group, because they are so few, and so different. This classification lasted almost three hundred years with only slight revising. Now we split the neutron and find quarks, super-strings, and energy/probability wave theory.  
Similarly science traditionally had gravity, electromagnetics, and the unimaginatively named strong and weak atomic forces, and to this day, scientists are trying to show how they relate.  
We started off with the usual three types of matter. Earth, Water and Air, or Solid, Liquid, and Gas if you prefer.  
Fire was an obvious one, Chi was also pretty obvious. Spirit was another classification, but it seemed somehow tied with chi, like electricity and magnetism. The last element we used, was the out of style Greek fourth element Phlogisten. Phlogisten was the magical force by which other forces or elements could be manipulated. No one saw it directly, but there had to be something that allowed us to pull rabbits from hats.  
Now since no one had a glass full of Phlogisten handy, we had to experiment with it through the other forces. Spirit and Chi were good, but they required huge effort to even tap them. The obvious idea is to use alchemical experiments to generate, liberate, or channel the Phlogisten. We want magic to be repeatable, otherwise it's useless to us.  
Thus most Amazon magic is based around recipes. Potions and concoctions derived from very specific items in exact amounts. And because these beliefs are all but hardwired into the Amazons, nearly all Amazons who learn magic find potions the way to go.  
This brings us back to my question of what you would think happened if the unexpected happened. An Amazon would be more likely to look at specifics to look for oddities. What were they wearing? What did they eat recently? What out of the ordinary could have prompted this deviation from the norm.  
You wont get much success out of using alchemical formulae to cast spells, like we do. You aren't going to turn into a spell-casting cook who spends her time in the kitchen.  
Whatever will work for you will probably have more to do with the focus of wills between people. Desires, deals, bargaining and manipulations.  
Your homework for this lesson is to start to write a sort of followup on Sun Tzu's "The Art of War". Call it "The Art of Manipulating." And no fair cribbing Machiavelli. You aren't trying to rule a city-state, you're manipulating people in school. Try to find rules that seem to always work.  
  
* * *  
  
Cologne: You have an admirable skill at manipulating people and situations for one of your age. What do you think would be the biggest obstacle against using your skills in manipulating magic and the physical world around you?  
  
Nabiki: My methods rely on using the desires and emotions and mental shortcomings of people against them. It can't work on things that are inanimate.  
  
Cologne: Surely you aren't ready to dismiss the idea of Kami inhabiting things around us. Let us take it as a given that I could point out a tree that has all of those characteristics. Desires and feelings, and easily less intelligent than you. There are hundreds of trees like that all over Nerima. Manipulate it into doing something.  
  
Nabiki: I can't manipulate a tree. I'd need to be able to talk to it at least.  
  
Cologne: Therein lies the problem. You need a pre-existing link in order to manipulate someone. No matter what you do or say, a quarter billion Americans couldn't give a damn. There are beings of immense power that you could manipulate, but are unable, because you haven't met them. It reminds me of an old Amazon expression, "It's so hard to assassinate someone, whom one has not been introduced socially." Anyone can attack anyone else, but only a friend or ally can betray you. After all, "It is necessary to get behind someone in order to stab them in the back."  
  
Nabiki: You make it sound so sordid. Not all manipulation is betrayal.  
  
Cologne: Manipulation is getting someone to do something that they wouldn't have done otherwise. Its very nature is betrayal. Thats not to say that it might not be for the better. The same knife that can kill can be used to save a life, but that doesn't change the fact that a knife is a sharp pointy thing designed to separate two things that were once one.  
  
Nabiki: Betrayal for a good purpose? Sounds like a rationalization to me.  
  
Cologne: The world wasn't created with the goal of allowing a simple and absolute ethics system. "Omniscient," "Omnipotent," "Omnibenevolent," The creator of existence had at most two out of three of those features. Life cannot exist on this planet without taking something that another life needs. Everything we eat, was at one point alive. Even if we could survive like plants on sunlight, we'd be taking up space that another plant could use. Every action we take has a negative effect, even if it's so small we can't isolate it from the background noise. Every belief system has to confront this if it is to be relevant to this reality. If you ignore or dismiss the pain you cause, you are bound to cause more than you need to. The only way to cause no pain, is never to have lived. This is why evil is usually loosely defined as being unconcerned with the pain it causes.  
  
Nabiki: So being good would be always doing whatever causes the least pain?  
  
Cologne: No. Causing the least pain is backing away from life. If you never were conceived you'd have caused less pain than anyone alive. Good is living and taking responsibility for the pains you do cause. Sometimes the best action is the most painful one. Are you doing good if you never get out of bed in the morning? You might be minimizing the pain and suffering you and others feel, but you aren't doing good. I don't know how we drifted to talking about Ethics. Lets go back to Metaphysics and Manipulation. Manipulating Kuno is easy for you, but suppose you wanted to manipulate Kuno's hypothetical cousin? You'd either manipulate Kuno into manipulating the cousin, or you'd use Kuno to help you form a relationship with the cousin. Either way, you're extending your power through channels you've already established in order to form new ones. Unfortunately, when it comes to magic, you have almost no channels to start with.  
  
Nabiki: So how should I begin?  
  
Cologne: Think back to the last time you started off with nothing. How did you gain financial power at school?  
  
Nabiki: Well, the safer method was to loan out money to people I could control either through their reputations, or through Akane. The riskier method was making sucker bets.  
  
Cologne: If they were sucker bets, how were they risky?  
  
Nabiki: Sometimes random chance throws a spanner in your plans, and sometimes your opponent is playing you for a sucker. If someone offers you a bet that Kuno will have applesauce on his clothes, there's a 90% chance that someone is planning to attack with applesauce.  
  
Cologne: Well then, You start off with no magic, and most of the magic around you is locked into forms like Ranma's curse, where there is no one for you to bargain with. You are unable, by your nature, to properly make use of something unless you've earned it. Therefor your first move will be to provide something in exchange for magic. You'll have to do it at some point, so you'll concentrate on getting the best deal possible.  
  
Nabiki: This isn't an attempt to tie me to the tribe, is it?  
  
Cologne: No more that getting money from Kuno ties you to him. In order to get as far as you have, you had to start by restricting your possibilities. People deal with you because they know you'll keep your end of a bargain. Before you cast your first spell, you'll have to give something up. However at this point, you have a choice as to what to tie yourself to. You can give up something nearly worthless to yourself, if you can find the right trade.  
  
Nabiki: Where do I look for these trades?  
  
Cologne: Well, there are the deities, and the anthropomorphics of natural trends, like death. They're an easy road to power as long as you promise eternal obedience.  
  
Nabiki: That's not for me. What other choices are there?  
  
Cologne: Don't knock it completely. If you found one whose nature meshed with your own, your life would barely change. Still, it would better suit your nature to be a sub-contractor to the major powers. Not a lackey, and certainly not an equal, but someone who could rise to be one.  
Your best bet would be if someone offered you a task, but no gods are beating a path to your door asking for help. So with no demand for your services, you really have only three choices. The easiest is to wait for someone to come drop power into your lap, and jump at the right opportunity.  
  
Nabiki: Not proactive enough. What are the other two?  
  
Cologne: Oaths are the next easy. Bind your options until you are the kind of person that some power likes. The oaths can give you some power, but in the end, you'll be waiting to serve. Don't rule this out completely. It is, after all, the lynchpin to how your loaning and gambling empire works.  
  
Nabiki: And the third?  
  
Cologne: Yes, the best and hardest for last. There's no demand for your abilities. Make a demand. Address some need that is as yet, unrealized.  
  
Nabiki: And how would I do that?  
  
Cologne: I've no idea. You're not completely without connections though. You know where dragons and phoenix live. Ranma's nekoken is not merely a martial arts skill. Through Ranma, you've met shape-shifters and followers of bizarre faiths. There are the myths of Japan, and other countries to draw upon.  
Remember though, what ever deals you make will change you. Make a deal with a judge of the underworld, and you can kiss goodbye any chance of becoming a polyanna.  
  
Nabiki: Not like that's likely.  
  
Cologne: But seriously, do you want to end up moral, immoral, or amoral?  
  
Nabiki: What do you mean by morals?  
  
Cologne: If you really don't know, then amoral it is. Morals are ethics as it applies to a society at large. If you accept yourself as a member of a group, you must learn the underlying beliefs, and decide if you will follow them. Ranma is ethically required to marry Shampoo, Ukyou, and Akane. According to Japanese society, he is morally required to marry Akane and Ukyou. According to Amazon society, he's morally required to recognize he's already married to Shampoo.  
There are many powers that advocate survival of the fittest. The betterment of yourself over the welfare of others. They're immoral. There are powers that champion self-sacrifice. Things that better the group at the expense of the individual. There are still others who don't understand the concept, or don't consider it as important. Or at least not as important as their primary sphere if interest. Someone without morals isn't necessarily evil.  
  
Nabiki: Well, immoral sounds dangerous, I'm not sure I could handle a strict moral outlook. I can't see myself jumping into the path of danger like Ranma, or living like Kasumi.  
  
Cologne: Amoral has is own problems too. People will do things for Ranma and Kasumi, that you'll have to pay them to do. If a monster attacks, they'll jump in, because they know he would do the same for them.   
Still there are enough magical creatures and gods that being amoral is a decent choice. Dragons care little of society at large, and then there are nature gods, gods that exist to protect the home islands. Trickster gods, and gods that merely want entertainment.  
Your homework for this session is to come up with some plans to get some magical creatures' good will. We may even try one.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: You mentioned gods that protect the home islands, is there power in protecting others?  
  
Cologne: Definitely. Some of my power springs from my vows to protect the Joketsuzoku and the magical items in our possession.  
  
Nabiki: So, would it be possible to use money to buy protection for a magical area? Say I had the money to set up a foundation that owned Ryugenzawa, and protect it in perpetuity?  
  
Cologne: Yes, that would work. There'd be problems defending it against the government using "Eminent Domain." You'd also have problems setting up things so that you aren't perceived as holding the area hostage. And if you did set it up in such a way that you couldn't undo it, then you'd have to have some way to insure their gratitude. After all, gratitude is merely "a lively expectation of favors to come."  
The biggest problem with it is that it has already been done. With the eight headed Orochi dragon, and the water of life, even a one percent tithe of power to it's protector is a powerful dividend.  
  
Nabiki: I'll have to research who did it.  
  
Cologne: Not at your stage. If you investigate, you'll be noticed, and either classified as a friend or an enemy. Either way, your chance to select your future will be gone.  
You've already lost some of your choices when you came to me, I'm not going to let you become a necromancer, or demonologist. I don't mind if you deal with the dead or damned, but I wont train you if I think that that is your primary bent.  
  
Jusenkyou is in a communist country, so the only way to protect it is through force of arms. which you'll note is already a crowded playing field.  
  
Nabiki: So if 'm going to be a protector, I'll have to start smaller.  
  
Cologne: Either start smaller, or join a group that already has staked a claim. Indeed, you'll find that the stronger the ties you make with the amazons, you'll receive some power from us.  
  
Nabiki: What about Ranma? Does an attachment to him provide power?  
  
Cologne: Not because of his curse. The curse is a mindless spell, or at least too obscure to contact to consider intelligent. His nekoken is a living thing, if its desires could be determined, there's a source of power. There's also the powers that have their finger stuck into the destiny of that boy.  
  
Nabiki: So what would a Nekoken-kami want?  
  
Cologne: Certainly not to have Ranma's phobia cured. It will fight that tooth and nail. You'll find odd coincidences cropping up whenever anyone tries to cure him.  
Perhaps it wants Ranma's body full-time, or to better merge with Ranma. Maybe it wants more time spent in the nekoken. I imagine that on some level it wants to reproduce itself, or replicate itself. Watching Ranma, I'd imagine that it is still at the intellectual level of a kitten, but eventually it will become a cat. Set in its ways, and more powerful, but not likely to make changes.  
I've been researching a method of transferring it to several young amazon girls, to dilute it to several young, so that they could accept it without the accompanying fear, but still access some of it, and maybe gradually gain the whole nekoken in time, without the disadvantages that Ranma suffers.  
  
Nabiki: I have noticed an affectation towards cats among amazons, including things from before Shampoo got her current curse.  
  
Cologne: Yes, thats due to alliances of power that I'll only divulge when you are bound to us.  
  
Nabiki: You say it like it's inevitable.  
  
Cologne: Not yet, it isn't. But you will slowly be tied to us through enlightened self-interest. Your future success in a male-dominated society will require you to accept backers at some point, and the amazons are nearly ideal for you. The only question is whether we will form a mutually beneficial arrangement, or if we're going to hold out for more than the other is willing to give.  
Take for example the idea of training you in magic. There are other people who could teach you something, But for obvious reasons you've approached me before trying Happosai, or the Musk Dynasty, or even self-study. Now I could make some outrageous requirement, like killing Akane so that Shampoo gets Ranma. Outrageous of course because she is one of the ties that gives you strength, and also because as you have long known, she is irreplaceable to me as a foil for Shampoo, not to mention she'd make a great amazon. Why, my most ambitious dreams require her.  
  
Nabiki: Dreams?   
  
Cologne: I suppose I can tell you as they are merely a dream at this point, and would require your consent at some point. Imagine an amazon village in Japan, either as a friendly rival, a colony, or even as an equal. It would cure many of the ills that the Joketsuzoku are prone to.  
  
Nabiki: You really think that's possible?  
  
Cologne: Definitely possible, also unlikely. Can you imagine how your sister would thrive in such an environment? She's certainly mule-headed enough to be mistaken as an elder. And Ryouga is everything we want in an amazon male, including all the features that Mousse is missing. If it weren't for his getting lost all the time, I'd have sent him home by parcel post!  
He's another one you could tap. His getting lost is supernatural in origin, and I'm reasonably sure he'd worship the woman who cured him. Unfortunately I need him as a foil for Ranma, or he really will get complacent. We have a phrase that describes Ranma and Ryouga, it roughly translates to "An enemy made in heaven."  
But enough of an old woman's dreams. What other ways do you think you could get your magical starting capital?  
  
Nabiki: I could investigate rumored haunted locations to find a spirit that needs something done for it.  
  
Cologne: Ghost Sweeper Nabiki? A decent idea. You'd need to research carefully if you want to keep the level of danger down. If you plan to go that route, you should consider becoming a Shinto shrine maiden. Just a rumor that you're a virginal priestess who goes into danger to face the unknown and you'll have as many drooling fan-boys as you can beat with a stick.  
  
Nabiki: That's more Akane's game. I may not be sure of what I want, but drooling fanboys isn't it.  
  
Cologne: Any other plans?  
  
Nabiki: Lets see, Tanuki wildlife reserve ranger, Kitsune poultry supply, E-bay for magical items, Internet Service Provider for supernatural creatures, Detective for ghosts. Reverse genealogical lookup for ghosts, renting out Akane as a virgin Damsel in distress (complete with hero to rescue her). Providing donated blood and cucumbers to kappa, Investment broker for leprechaun and dragons, renting out Kuno for possession by spirits. That's about it. I really don't know what the supernatural want, and I'm not sure how I'd find out what the nekoken wants.  
  
Cologne: I think the Nekoken wants a willing host to integrate with. That's why I'm researching splitting it up over several amazons, so it can live, but not be completely dominant as it is with Ranma.  
  
Nabiki: Could it be transferred to a cat?  
  
Cologne: Probably, but I don't think it would like that. The nekoken is a form of cat fighting that takes advantage of a humanoid form. There's nothing special about a cat fighting as a cat, after all. I think it would fight that kind of cure.  
  
Nabiki: What would happen to someone taking part of the nekoken into themselves?  
  
Cologne: Thinking of volunteering? It really depends alot on the person. Also it would depend on how much the person was willing to change. Ranma instinctively fights it tooth and nail, so either he's completely human, or completely cat. Whoever accepts the nekoken would become more powerful, they would also have a more cat-like way of looking at things. You'd be giving up your "iron control" of your emotions, and probably your drive to excel, in exchange for knowing that you can take whatever you want or need.  
Another option if you had the power to do it, would be to create a familiar. but you'd have to provide it a body, and care for it. You'd have to care for it, because any emotional or physical hurt it received, you would too. On the other hand, you'd have a friend for life, with a cat's body, but your own level of intellect, as the cat could effectively use parts of your mind for solving its problems. You could probably also see out of the cat's eyes.  
If you were older, and in a stable relationship and wanted a child, I'd suggest using a Jusenkyou spring to make a human child from a cat, and give it some nekoken. She would certainly grow up to be a capable woman, able to draw on a human intellect, a cat's resilience, and the nekoken for defense. But this would just be a disaster if she weren't raised well, and you are way too young to be caring for a child.  
  
Nabiki: Helping Ranma's nekoken if it would diminish Ranma's fear of cats looks like the best way to go. I've got them both under my roof, so I don't have to hunt them down, or perform to a timetable, and it may be possible to get renumeration out of both Ranma and the nekoken, not to mention Ranma's fiancees, Ranma's parents, and possibly daddy.  
  
Cologne: I trust you will forgo bilking Shampoo as I assume you'll be wanting my help.  
  
Nabiki: How about I give you everything I get from Shampoo, for you to give back to her somehow. I still have a reputation to think about.  
  
Cologne: Alright. She needs training in dealing with people like you anyway. Let her try to keep you from milking her dry, as long as she really doesn't loose anything. Assuming the nekoken were sentient, and able to talk, what would be your first step?  
  
Nabiki: Approach Ranma and find out what he'd be willing to concede to get rid of his fear of cats, Then approach the nekoken to find out if a deal could be made, then figure out what I can realistically do. At that point, set a price to it that they are willing to pay.  
  
Cologne: And since the nekoken doesn't seem to have a voice?  
  
Nabiki: Go talk to Ranma. See if he would be willing to enter the nekoken a few times if it meant a cure, and then look into how I could get a cat to talk to me.  
  
Cologne: I guess that's your homework for today. Remember, You need to find out what Ranma is willing to do, Not what he claims he is willing to do in front of Akane, his father, or his pride. I think you should also reassure him that it wont involve pits of starving cats.  
  
* * * 


	2. Chapter 2: The Desires of the Nekoken

"A Short Discussion about `The Universe'"  
by Neil Reynolds  
  
Chapter 2: The Desires of the Nekoken  
  
Nabiki: Hey, Ranma. I've got a scheme in mind that might actually help you, rather than hurt you.  
  
Ranma: A scheme that wont hurt me? This isn't going to embarrass me with my girl side, is it?  
  
Nabiki: Nope, I've a training method that might make you a better martial artist.  
  
Ranma: Does it involve swinging 20 ton boulders at me?  
  
Nabiki: No, it ...  
  
Ranma: Or sticking my hands in fire or piranna infested waters?  
  
Nabiki: No, it ...  
  
Ranma: Or throwing wasp nests at my head?  
  
Nabiki: Enough! It might remove one of your three weaknesses.  
  
Ranma: I don't have weaknesses. I'm the best!  
  
Nabiki: You have three weaknesses. You can be forced to change genders against your will. You have a problem with cats. And finally you have Genma as a father. Those are your three worst weaknesses.  
  
Ranma: You're not planning on adopting me, are you?  
  
Nabiki: I think I can lessen your fear of cats, but there's a catch. The trick will be to make the bad parts as minor as possible.  
  
Ranma: You're not planning on throwing me in another pit of them, are you?  
  
Nabiki: No, but to cure you, you'll have to be in the nekoken, maybe a few times.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: Akane, you ever get weird ideas while almost asleep?  
  
Akane: Sometimes.  
  
Nabiki: Last night I had this idea for a practical joke. It's either one of the most elaborate ideas I've ever had, or the most embarrassing.  
  
Akane: What was it?  
  
Nabiki: I don't want to tell anyone until I'm sure it'll work. But if it does work, the joke will be on Kodachi, and she wont suspect we were involved.  
  
Akane: What do you need me for?  
  
Nabiki: To find out if it is going to work, I need to play with Ranma-neko. We'll do it in private so you wont be embarrassed, but I need you to bring him out of it.  
  
Akane: You plan to throw cats at Ranma?  
  
Nabiki: No, I got him to agree to help, since it might lessen his fear of cats. But he gave me one condition.  
  
Akane: What  
  
Nabiki: Since I wont tell him what I'll do, and since he doesn't know what he does in that state, I have to take responsibility for whatever happens. Even if he acts like a pervert, you'll have to mallet me instead of him.  
  
Akane: Do you honestly think I'm going to give him free reign to do anything?  
  
Nabiki: You know it isn't his fault when he's in that state. I mean it. I don't care if he puts a hand up my dress, you can only mallet me. Remember, this is to stick it to Kodachi  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: OK, I've gotten Ranma's permission to put him into the Nekoken if I think I can cure him, and if I take responsibility for his actions. I've gotten Akane to agree to this, and to help me bring him out of it. I've gotten two depressed cat-loving martial arts gymnasts from St. Hebereke who are interested in gaining a jump on Kodachi, and I've got a plan to get rid of our fathers when I do this. Now, how can I talk to the nekoken itself, after I get Ranma into it?  
  
Cologne: I don't know.  
  
Nabiki: What?  
  
Cologne: I have a couple of suggestions, but nothing that would definitely work.  
  
Nabiki: OK what suggestions?  
  
Cologne: The problem is twofold. Finding out what the nekoken really wants, and getting it to agree to gift you a piece of its power if you help. I'd recommend getting a big piece of tuna for Ranma, and another for a spiritual offering. You're not dealing with the kind of spirit that cares about material wealth, so a plain type of altar is all that's required. Here's the most important part. What do you imagine the spirit of the nekoken is like.  
  
Nabiki: you mean, the spirit will take the form I select? Doesn't that imply that it doesn't really exist? It's just a product of my imagination?  
  
Cologne: Not at all. A powerful spirit will be completely unaffected by your impressions. However, you'll be working to make the spirit manifest. It will be easier for the spirit to fit the model you provide. If it wants, or if your image doesn't suit it, it will either expend the extra energy it needs, or not show up altogether.  
It's especially important with the non-human spirits, as your impression is a means for them to bridge the gap of communication between the two of you. Some spirits are so inhuman that objectively, there is no way that they could converse with you. The energy that you put into the spell can provide a humanizing aspect to a kami, if, of course it's willing to accept humanizing.  
  
Nabiki: I thought this was to acquire my starting magical capital. How can I be putting energy into the summoning?  
  
Cologne: Don't be foolish. After all you've been through, if you had no magical reserves, you'd have to be near magically dead. If that were the case, you could forget ever casting a spell on your own.  
You're not trying to raise the lord of Fujiyama, and make it human. You're trying to aid a spirit in doing what it already wants. If the nekoken resists, you have no chance of going against its wishes. All you need is to offer a little power to entice the spirit to deal with you, as opposed to someone else.  
Lets start from a different tack. What do we know about the spirit.  
  
Nabiki: Well, It's dangerous.  
  
Cologne: That's it?  
  
Nabiki: Well it's not like we've been formally introduced.  
  
Cologne: Surely you can deduce alot from the way Ranma acts.  
  
Nabiki: Well, he only attacks when there's a current threat available. Remove the threat, and he's nicer. So the nekoken isn't inherently mean, but it's no fool either. No forethought or planning, but it knows who its friends are. Its never been defeated, it has never needed to retreat, so it probably knows it's at the top of the food chain.  
  
Cologne: What about gender?  
  
Nabiki: Well, it did crawl into Akane's lap, so we could make an argument that it wants a female for a mate. But it never really did anything to imply it was either male or female. It acts more like a prepubescent kitten. If it were a female kitten, I'd expect more of a hunting instinct. Mock battles and playing with its food. If it were a male kitten, I'd expect Ranma to be going around marking its territory. Luckily he has never tried that.  
Tentatively I'd say gender neutral kitten. If there were a peaceful, well liked male, Ranma might have crawled into his lap.  
  
Cologne: So how do you see the spirit of the nekoken in your eyes?  
  
Nabiki: A cross between a full-grown tiger, and a baby housecat kitten. Able to draw on Ranma's semi-adult brain when needed, but basically a new born kitten at heart. Wants attention and care which makes it gregarious.  
  
Cologne: It's a shame you didn't anthropomorphise it. That would have made it more likely to be able to speak.  
  
Nabiki: Sorry, I just can't see it like some sort of cat-woman. When Ranma goes cat, he is as much a cat as is physically possible, maybe even more so. I don't think human spines should do that.  
  
Cologne: Eventually you'll be able to manipulate somewhat the form you provide, so that it could talk during negotiations, even if it normally couldn't understand language at all.  
For now you'll have to rely on strong feelings. If you're thinking of taking advantage of this situation, you'll surely fail. You must be thinking of this as something great for both of you. Perhaps imagine that you have been living with the cat, Where both of you wish to help the other, but neither is really master of the other.  
Try to concentrate on what you could do for it, if it wanted, and see if it seems to want it.  
  
Nabiki: This sounds awfully vague.  
  
Cologne: Of course it is. I have no idea how you're going to do this. I'd brew up something that would change our natures so that I could communicate directly with the spirit, or summon an intermediary.   
These aren't options for you. You have to find your own method. I can only help, and guide.  
  
Nabiki: How about the nekoken as a helpful spirit? A totem guide, or helpful inhuman spirit?  
  
Cologne: Promising. It would make communication easier, as that would be one of its reasons for existing. On the other hand, that's offering more of yourself than you might want. That might be an offer of alliance. A permanent bond between you.   
Not a bad idea, but it might be more than you want to take on at this time. I wouldn't do it with an unknown spirit, but I wouldn't rule it out in the future. That would be like turning a business deal into an Omiai, or a blind partnership. See if you can become the spirit's friend.  
  
Nabiki: Right. I like cats, but that isn't enough to form a permanent relationship.  
  
Cologne: As you're going to be communicating with it on an emotional level, and you tend to submerge your emotions during a business deal, I'd recommend preparing in advance by spending as much time as you can with kittens. Shampoo will be no help there, because emotionally she's human regardless of form.  
Perhaps you should visit animal shelters, unless you know someone whose cat has recently littered.  
  
Nabiki: The only cats I know are spayed. Keeping a cat is expensive enough, without risking litters of kittens. Besides, spayed cats live longer, stay kitten-like longer, and are less likely to get cancer, not to mention die from childbirth.  
I suppose I could spend some time playing with kittens. That's hardly a hardship. I can have the ceremony next weekend. Will you be attending?  
  
Cologne: I would if it were likely to be any risk, but in this case I'd better not. My presence would complicate things. I have my own preconceived notions that differ from yours. There's also the risk that I would be seen as the instigator, and you just an assistant. In that case, all the power would go to me, instead of you. Besides, this is going to be just the first exploratory meeting to see if you can do it a favor. Not an attempt to force it to do something.  
Also, there's the risk that I might summon CAT instead of just Ranma's nekoken, and that would be a much different story.  
  
Nabiki: CAT?  
  
Cologne: The embodiment of cats. By yourself, you're beneath its notice. Unless, of course, you've been secretly slaughtering them for fun.  
  
Nabiki: Nope, innocent on that score. The only creatures I've destroyed were stupid teenager's egos. Perhaps I should avoid summoning up the spirit of youthful enthusiasm.  
  
* * *  
  
That Sunday, Nabiki entered the common area.  
  
Nabiki: Akane, Ranma, it's time.  
  
Soun: Time for what?  
  
Nabiki: Oh, I have a plan that just might lessen the effect of one of the stupidest things Genma has ever done while raising Ranma.  
  
Soun: You're going to cure his Jusenkyou curse?  
  
Nabiki: No, I'm  
  
Kasumi: Reunite him with his mother?  
  
Nabiki: No, I'm  
  
Soun: Break the engagement to Ukyou?  
  
Nabiki: No, I   
  
Kasumi: Teach him how to relate to girls his own age?  
  
Nabiki: No, I  
  
Soun: Fish, rice, and 2 pickles  
  
Nabiki: No,  
  
Kasumi: Table manners?  
  
Nabiki: The nekoken! I'm going to risk Genma's life to try to see if I might be able to cure Ranma.  
  
Genma: Now, Nabiki. Thats an awful lot of maybes to risk my life over. There must be a safer way.  
  
Nabiki: Nope. The only way I'll be able to tell, requires that Ranma enters the nekoken.  
  
Soun: That sounds awfully dangerous.  
  
Nabiki: Not to us girls. It would be absolutely safe if you weren't present. However, should you be present, there's a chance he'll attack you. If Happosai shows up, I give Happosai an 80% survival rate.  
  
Genma: You mean this might be the end of the master? Hold on, while we find him.  
  
Nabiki: Ahem. An 80% chance of survival, because he has an 80% of leading Ranma to you. If he sees you, we'll be having Panda steaks for a month to dispose of the body.  
  
Genma: Soun! Lets go find the master, and volunteer for training. It's the least we can do to prevent him from interfering.  
  
Akane: Nabiki! I thought this plan was for Kodachi!  
  
Nabiki: Of course. Something for everyone involved. The brilliant thing about this plan, is that everyone benefits to some extent, except Kodachi, and any males who cross Ranma while he's under.  
  
* * *  
  
Akane: What's with all this junk?  
  
Nabiki: Everything here is needed to test if my plan could work.  
  
Akane: I think I want to hear this plan now.  
  
Nabiki: I told you. I'll tell you only if I think this is going to work. I have to warn you, though, you might see something that looks like the cat-ghost, or something spooky. If you try to interfere, I might be in danger. If you do nothing, the spirit will be unable to harm us. The worst thing you could do is try to protect me. Even if he tries to bite me, I should be unharmed. it's just a ghost.  
  
Akane: I don't like this.  
  
Nabiki: That's why you'll be sitting at the other end of the room with ear-plugs on, waiting until it's time to bring Ranma out of it. The tuna sashimi is for Ranma in cat form, and the salmon is for the ghost.  
  
Ranma: I know I don't like this.  
  
Nabiki: Hush. I've taken every precaution. The worst thing that could happen to you is that you'll beat up your father. I mentioned killing him only to get him out of the house. The worst thing that could happen to Akane would be getting her clothes wet if everything went wrong, and she needed to use the water buckets to bring you out. Now Ranma go behind that screen, look into the cage, and let yourself be scared out of your mind. Lower your guard now, so that one day, you'll never have to again.  
  
While Ranma commenced screaming, Akane voluntarily put the ear-plugs in. Finally the screaming stops, and a loud meow is heard. Nabiki approaches Ranma with the expensive cut of tuna, while Ranma circles around watching her. Eventually, Ranma pulls the tuna from her hand onto the floor, and begins eating it, with much more fastidious manners than he normally displayed when eating alongside his father.  
Nabiki petted Ranma's head, and scratched him behind the ears, while lighting incense, and tossing the salmon onto a hibachi. Ranma suddenly falls asleep, as a cute, translucent, orange and black kitten, the size of a large dog leaps out of Ranma for the hibachi.  
After all of the fish has disappeared, The long-fanged, wickedly clawed mastiff of a kitten proceeded to climb all over Nabiki, Tickling her mercilessly, until finally it consented to be groomed while sitting in Nabiki's lap.  
Had this been a solid animal, it would have weighed in at 80 to 100 pounds, but as it was a translucent spirit, Nabiki could barely feel it.  
Once it stopped racing all over Nabiki, it became apparent, that not only was this an unusual cat ghost, but it also had eight legs, and when it yawned, it looked like its fangs were too large to fit inside its mouth when closed.  
Nabiki sat and stroked the phantom cat, while looking deep in thought. After about 5 minutes, the cat leaped into Ranma, who woke up, and asked what happened.  
  
Nabiki: I guess we didn't need Akane after all.  
  
Akane: Nabiki! what just happened?  
  
Nabiki: It looks like my crazy idea worked! If I told you it involved an eight-legged ghost cat, you'd have said I was crazy!  
Ranma, I can do something about your cat fear. I don't know how much, and you'll have to go through this again, but a best case scenario might give you the nekoken, without the fear of cats. Are you willing to try it?  
  
Ranma: I'll try anything as long as it isn't one of my pop's crazy plans.  
  
Nabiki: One more thing. I may wind up with cats in my room at some point. Can you stand living in a house knowing there are cats behind a closed door?  
  
Ranma: If I can't, I can always camp out for a while. The weather's nice.  
  
Nabiki: Then, if I can arrange it, we do this again next week.  
  
* * *  
  
Cologne: So how did it go?  
  
Nabiki: I'm not sure. It didn't care much one way, or the other about splitting itself. Or rather, it wanted to try it due to curiosity at least once, but I don't know if it will want to go far enough to cure Ranma.  
  
Cologne: Well, then, if it doesn't want to continue, we'll have to think up a better offer for it. At least you've made a start.  
How is it going to reward you?  
  
Nabiki: I don't know. I know it will give me something, but I don't think it knows what it can give me.  
  
Cologne: Well, you really have two choices here. Either you can demand what you want, or you can take whatever it offers.  
  
Nabiki: In this instance, I'm inclined to accept what it gives. I have no real idea what to ask for, or what my help is worth. And generosity often exceeds a demand, especially if we aren't in competition, and something of little value to it might be worth more to me.  
  
Cologne: And even if you get stiffed, you'll have benefitted from the attempt, and you can either get some kind of favor in the future for your generosity, or you can use it to enhance your reputation to create other opportunities that might be possible.  
  
Nabiki: Reputation?  
  
Cologne: Just like with your classmates, if the spirits that you work with don't trust you, it will be very hard to do business with them. You were lucky in this case, as your dealings with Ranma probably convinced the nekoken that you keep your word.  
  
Nabiki: There's one thing that puzzled me. It seemed to want to do something about kittens dying prematurely. It wasn't insistent, or anything. Just that it was a strong desire to protect kittens, and a knowledge that there were kittens dying out there.  
  
Cologne: Well then, thats both a promising line for a future deal, and possibly a bit worrying, as well.  
  
Nabiki: Why worrying?  
  
Cologne: I've been working under the assumption that we are only dealing with a tiny kami consisting of Ranma's nekoken. Somewhere out there, there is a larger kami representing the idea of the existence of the nekoken. For example, the combined total of every nekoken spirit.  
Ranma's nekoken might be worried about other kittens through what it learned while existing in Ranma. But there's also the possibility, that it is in contact with more powerful spirits, even possibly CAT. If that's the case, you might be able to use these connections just like you would in a normal business, but it would also make it harder for you to deal with opposing forces. Or if you make a poor first impression, you may never get any farther with this type of spirit.  
  
Nabiki: You mean I might loose my chances with DOG?  
  
Cologne: Don't be facetious. There is a DOG, although wolf might be a better name, but there is no rivalry between the two, except that the two species occupy the same ecological niche within the cities.  
Just make sure you put your best foot forward. It can't hurt to be especially careful to leave a good impression, and it could have unexpected dividends.  
Now, how are you planning to implement the transfer?  
  
Nabiki: Well, at first I thought of an exchange of symbolic tokens. But this seemed too much like implying that the token contained the power, and if the token was destroyed, so would the deal.  
I toyed with the idea of some kind of gold jewelry, since gold doesn't tarnish, and is intrinsically valuable, unlike precious stones which can be manufactured from quartz and carbon. But thats too like a romantic connection between Ranma and the girls, plus the added possibility of it being stolen or lost.  
If we're going to use the idea of a token, it should be something that at the end of the ceremony the item is unrecoverable. Something edible, drinkable, or inhaleable.  
Blood, and other bodily fluids are too trite, unsanitary, and frankly disgust me. But something else perhaps.  
  
Cologne: There are many food related beliefs that would work. You just need to find the one that has the most significance to you. That method will be the most effective.  
  
Nabiki: I liked the idea of using chocolate. It's very easy to break into sections, and was considered holy or valuable to many cultures. But then I remembered that chocolate is poisonous to cats.  
  
Cologne: Keep in mind that Catnip is edible by humans but is a mild soporific and hallucinogen.  
  
Nabiki: A drunk Ranma with no inhibitions, and chi razor-claws is a quite effective nightmare, thank you.  
Meat or fish would be appropriate to share with a cat, but hardly as a gift from a cat.  
  
Cologne: Kittens do bring home dead birds and rats as offerings to loved ones.  
  
Nabiki: Ugh. I don't think anyone will go for eating something symbolic of a dead rat.  
A kiss would be a good method of transference, if we weren't dealing with Ranma.  
  
Cologne: Yes, that's just asking for trouble.  
There's always anointing with oils.  
  
Nabiki: That'd work, but there must be something better. That's too Western European.  
Sake would work, but it might imply a marriage vow. How about milk?  
  
Cologne: That should work. To divide the nekoken, it could permeate the milk, and then measured amounts could be drank by the girls, with Ranma drinking the rest.  
  
Nabiki: That might be a problem. When the nekoken left Ranma, he fell asleep. If the nekoken is in the milk, no one's controlling Ranma.  
  
Cologne: You'll need to use your sister as an assistant then, and have her spoon feed the milk into Ranma. Anything else we need to prepare?  
  
Nabiki: I still need to convince one or both of the gymnasts I've selected. They need to be convinced magic is real, so they can go into this knowing all of the consequences.  
  
Cologne: Developing morals against tricking them into it?  
  
Nabiki: I don't think it will work. I need them to want this to work.  
  
Cologne: Good. If you invite them to a lunch here, I'll volunteer Mousse as a demonstration model.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: First, I want to ask you if you believe in magic?  
  
Naomi: Well, I do buy charms and good-luck trinkets occasionally.  
  
Miki: I don't. They're a waste of money.  
  
Nabiki: Actually I was thinking more about the standing on a mountain-top, calling down rain and lightning. Things that can't be explained as a possible coincidence.  
  
Naomi: No. Not really.  
  
Nabiki: Mousse! come over here!  
  
Mousse: What do you want?  
  
Cologne: You will do this either consciously, or unconsciously. Now hold these girl's hands.  
  
Mousse: Old bat.  
  
After Mousse has his hands firmly held by each girl, Cologne splashes him from behind with the drinking water Miki had been enjoying.  
  
Nabiki: You see, magic exists, it's just very rare.  
  
Miki: Do that again!  
  
Nabiki: Hold his wings again while we turn him back.  
  
Mousse: *SQUAAAAK* Eeep!  
  
Naomi: Oh my!  
  
Miki: Did you see his ...  
  
Naomi: Just for a moment.  
  
Miki: So Naomi, was he named 'Moose' for the size of his ...  
  
Naomi: Well, it WAS big.  
  
Nabiki: Merely average. If you want more information on him, I can sell you his dossier later.  
Now girls, if you believe in magic, let me tell you what I need you for. There was this six year old boy who liked cats. He had an insane father. His father wanted to teach his son how to fight like a cat.  
But his son could already fight well, so he hit upon a plan. He gathered up as many cats as he could, even stealing people's pets, and put them in a big pit, and starved them for a week. Then he tied up his son, covered him with fish sausages, and threw him in.  
  
Miki: You're kidding  
  
Nabiki: Nope. The only thing he learned was to protect his eyes, while the starving cats shredded the fish, his clothes, and his skin. So, after starving the cats for another week, he tied up the little boy, and threw him in again.  
When the boy came out, he had a paranoid fear of cats. But that didn't stop things, that was only the beginning.  
His father figured out the best way to cure the boy, was for him to face his fear, so, varying the types of food he covered his son in, he threw him in, week after week, until his son went insane. His son thought he was a cat.  
The ironic thing is that the father succeeded. The boy had remarkable speed and dexterity, and could shred wood with a swipe of his claws. But due to his fear and pain, he could either be wholy human, or wholy cat. When he's normal, he's deadly afraid of cats, and can't stand to be around them. When he's a cat, he's inhumanly fast.  
If it wasn't so extreme, he could have integrated his two states, so that he could always access his cat abilities, and could always think. Of course, he probably would have gained some personality traits from his cat side. Things like social confidence, extroversion, playful, happy outlook.  
We wanted to bleed off some of the effects, so that we might cure him. But that requires finding people who are willing to accept these changes. Both of you like cats, both of you would be able to make use of inhuman strength, dexterity, and speed. And both of you are less outgoing than average, so a little boost of social confidence might make your life happier. If you accept, we'd give you about 10% of his cat-spirit, which should make it easy to assimilate, while still remaining human, and avoiding all of the bad effects that the boy suffers due to his having the whole thing.  
  
Miki: I'm not sure if I'm comfortable in dealing with real magic, especially if it is going to affect my mind.  
  
Nabiki: It's completely up to you. I can promise you that you won't lose anything of yourself. You'll have to decide if it is something that you'd want to add. There are also two sets of agreements we need from you. The simple one is a promise never to abuse a cat, and to try to protect them if you can. That one the spirit inside the boy insists on.  
The second requirements are promises that you wont use your abilities against us. We need a promise that you wont attack the three Chinese living here, and the Chinese in their village. We need a promise that you wont attack any Tendo, no matter what Kodachi says, and a promise that you will never try to marry Ranma Saotome, and that you relinquish any claims if they already exist.  
  
Naomi: Ranma Saotome? The boy Kodachi is hung up on?  
  
Nabiki: Yes. He's the boy whose father abused him. He's also engaged to marry both my younger sister, and a childhood friend. Both are arraigned marriages made by his father. Also, by amazon law, he's already married to the waitress here, although that marriage hasn't been consummated, or recognized by the Japanese. So you can see, the playing field is already quite crowded, and new fiancees keep appearing. So before helping you, we want to make sure we aren't adding you to the list of neglected teenagers.  
  
Miki: Well, I don't mind giving up a boy I don't know, and who's already taken. And I don't mind promising not to hurt people who do me a favor. And promising to be nice to cats doesn't bother me, unless you mean man eating tigers. I like cats already.  
  
Naomi: Yeah, I don't want to be Kodachi's romantic rival. If she'd thought of it before, she'd have made the whole team swear they wouldn't marry him. There are enough cute guys out there that I think we can bear to let one get away, right Miki?  
  
Miki: Hmmf. As if either of us had a boyfriend to begin with. I swear my parents sent me to an all girl's school so that I wouldn't date until college. Nabiki, I want to see what we're getting ourselves into before I agree. But if that goes well, then I'm in.  
  
Naomi: Good idea. Can you show us what we'd be getting into?  
  
Nabiki: All right. Come by the Tendo Dojo this Saturday. And if you like what you see, we'll do the transference. So far, only people in this room know about this, so keep it quiet around other people. The last thing we want is both of the Kunos crashing the party.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: Ranma! Akane! We're on for this Saturday. Daddy? Remember that bit last weekend about the nekoken? We're going to be doing phase 2 this Saturday. If you want to stay and lend your support, I'd suggest being fully clothed in armor. Though I doubt it will help, seeing how easily Ranma clawed through stone.  
  
Soun: I think we can leave it in your hands, Nabiki.  
  
Nabiki: Don't forget to take Happosai with you, or he'll just lead Ranma to you.  
  
Genma: Another weekend with the Master?  
  
Soun: A martial artist's life is fraught with peril.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: Elder, I've been thinking about what you said concerning an insane magician. How does this apply to Ranma, when he goes cat? He's insane, and he's permeated with magic, as well as a spirit.  
  
Cologne: That's not the type of insanity I was talking about, although there are strong correlaries. Some of the things he does in that state aren't possible with his level of chi mastery, and with his human spine. But Ranma's relatively safe, as it is only with regards to himself that he's delusional.  
Imagine someone like Kuno with the power to subconsciously cast spells. He believes all women long for him and all men fear him. Imagine if one morning it were true?  
  
Nabiki: Thanks. I'm going to have a brand new type of nightmare tonight.  
  
Cologne: When these things occur, they don't last long. He'd most likely create an enemy worthy of himself, and die a martyr. Other insane magicians created pocket realms for themselves, where they think they're ruling the world from their tiny room. Some have become spirits and fell under different rules than humans, or if they're extremely one-tracked minds, merged with whatever anthropomorphized entity they most closely match. Death might look like Kuno for a generation or two.  
There are many types of insanity. Luckily for us we have such perfect examples of the kind that are most dangerous, right here in Nerima. The Kunos and the cat-Ranma suffer from forms of a paranoid schizophrenic crack-up that has the power to rise them beyond merely human, or trash them as junk.  
  
Nabiki: The Kunos as more than human?  
  
Cologne: They have the possibility to become more than human. It's not likely, as they're way too self-aggrandizing. But in theory, they could grow out of that state. Many cultures have said that the mad are beloved by the gods, and it is to them that extreme inspiration most often hits.   
Shamans used methods specifically designed to drive themselves temporarily over the edge of sanity so that they could bring back to their societies new ideas. If these ideas resonated within the sane minds of the tribe, the idea persisted, Otherwise it eventually died out.  
"In action, how like an angel, in apprehension, how like a god." But without the divine madness, how like flocks of sheep do most people behave. Imagine what good Kuno could do if he were slightly more intelligent, and less concerned with himself? He'd draw followers like flies, anxious for his teaching. He'd lose the flaws that are keeping his Kendo skills from rising. He'd be someone people would look up to. Eccentric, but noble. Instead, he's a laughing stock.  
  
Nabiki: OK, I can see that as possible, if you started off with a better brand of Kuno.  
  
Cologne: The point is that insanity ranges from a crippling debility, to the freedom of a mystic, or hero. How many of the great minds of the past are politely referred to as eccentric? Perhaps it would be easier to list the great people who weren't a little off.  
Beethoven rarely washed, if at all. Van Gogh was clinically maniacally depressive. Tesla had a disgust of hair. Da Vinci's sex life is in great dispute, as he didn't seem to have one. Oscar Wilde was sentenced to hard labor for loving a young man. Alan Turing was forced by the courts to take male hormones in order to fight his homosexuality. Julius Caesar was epileptic. Napoleon had a massive inferiority complex which he subsumed by conquering half of Europe.  
Whether you define sanity by logical thought, or by group consensus, the act of changing other's mind-sets is nearly impossible for a sane individual, as logical thought cannot suggest an idea which isn't derivative. The only exception I can see would be Einstein, who was confronted with the fact that the speed of light is constant, and from that derived Special Relativity. But he couldn't have done that unless someone else decided to test the ridiculous hypothesis that the speed of light WAS constant. So in effect, what he really did was to take the work of other madmen, and develop a self-consistent description of their results."  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: Okay everyone, lets get started. Ranma, you're the patient, so you don't have to do anything yet.   
Naomi, Miki, you will be needed for the last step, but until I call you, would you stand behind me, please.   
  
Miki: Okay.  
  
Nabiki: Akane, you're our guard, and backup. If something goes wrong, it'll either be due to someone interrupting us, or a need to snap Ranma out of it. If it comes to that, I'll call you. Otherwise, your job is to alert us if anyone's coming, and to keep them out of the dojo until I call all clear. That includes friends, by the way. You don't have to beat anyone up, just keep them occupied.  
I have backup plans for everything I could think might happen, but with the craziness around here, you're our insurance. But don't come in unless we call you, it could be dangerous for you.  
  
Akane: I hope you know what you're doing.  
  
Nabiki: Cologne is waiting at the Nekohanten to keep Shampoo and Mousse in line. But if she doesn't hear from me, she'll assume something went wrong and rescue all of us. I set this up in case the weirdness goes off the scale, like Gojira arriving, or Kuno becoming sane.  
Ranma, behind that Shoji screen is that which bothers you most. Submit to it, and I'll take it from there.  
  
Ranma: If this works, it'll be worth it. God, I hope this works.  
  
As Ranma went behind the shoji screen, Nabiki produced two pieces of fish, one on a plate, the other on an altar. After numerous noises, Ranma comes out, spots the fish, and starts eating.  
Meanwhile, Nabiki sacrifices the other piece of fish, as a prayer offering. When Ranma finishes his the fish, he falls over, asleep.  
The mastiff sized kitten emerged from Ranma, and proceeded to run wildly over Nabiki, Naomi, and Miki. It would butt its head against their legs, and use them to brush its sides, until all three of them were sitting on the floor. All three girls were petting and stroking the semi-transparent kitten, who seemed solid to the touch, but weighed practically nothing,  
When the kitten had more or less calmed down, Nabiki produced a liter bottle of milk, and unsealed it.  
  
Nabiki: In you go.  
  
The kitten seemed to turn to smoke, which looked like it was being sucked into the bottle. As soon as the smoke touched the milk, the milk began glowing like a sixty watt light-bulb.  
Nabiki filled two measuring cups with 100 milliliters each, and turned to the two girls.  
  
Nabiki: I have to feed this milk to the unconscious boy. This'll take a while, but when I'm finished, you should both drink your portions at more or less the same time.  
  
When Nabiki had gotten Ranma to swallow the remaining milk, Naomi and Miki drank theirs together. Everyone but Nabiki briefly glowed slightly, and Ranma came to, just as Naomi and Miki slumped bonelessly to the floor, like marionettes whose strings have been cut.  
  
Nabiki: Akane!  
  
Akane: What happened?  
  
Nabiki: Everything went fine until they collapsed! Help me with them!  
  
Ranma: They seem alright. They look just like your father does, when he faints. I'll go get some cold compresses, while you lay them out comfortably.  
  
Nabiki: Akane, you make them comfortable. I'm going to call Cologne and Tofu for advice.  
  
* * *  
  
Cologne answers the phone at the Nekohanten.  
  
Cologne: Hello Nabiki, how did it go?  
  
Nabiki: Everything seemed to go as planned, until Ranma woke up. The girls collapsed, and appear to have fainted!  
  
Cologne: Calm down. That's probably all that happened. Care for them as if that were the case. If they don't wake up in the next five minutes, call me back, and I'll rush over with supplies for an exorcism, and for dream-related magic. And then call Dr. Tofu to come over.  
  
Nabiki: Okay, I'll call you then.  
* * *  
Nabiki rushes back into the dojo to join Ranma and Akane, who are attending the two unconscious girls.  
  
Nabiki: Cologne says it may be just a case of fainting. No need to panic unless they don't snap out of it soon.  
  
Ranma: I think Miki is coming around!  
  
Miki: Uhng. What happened?  
  
Nabiki: We had just finished the ceremony, when you and Naomi passed out. How do you feel?  
  
Miki: I feel like the time I came to after a blow to the head, but without any pain.  
  
Naomi: Uuuh. I feel about the same.  
  
Nabiki: You two rest a bit while I tell doctor Cologne that we don't need a house call.  
  
Miki: Did it work? I don't feel much different.  
  
Ranma: I don't know. Nothing seems to have happened to me. How do we test you for possession of a spirit fragment?  
  
Akane: We could find a shrine maiden, and have her examine you.  
  
Nabiki returns  
  
Nabiki: How do you feel now?  
  
Naomi: I feel normal. I don't feel different, but I guess I don't really know how I should feel.  
  
Nabiki: Well, I've planned a test, but Ranma should leave the room.  
  
Ranma: Is this some "Girls Only" thing?  
  
Nabiki: I don't want you going into it, while we test them.  
  
Ranma: Oh, gotcha. Bye.  
  
Nabiki: Akane, you're backup again. don't worry about outside interruptions. I'm going to bring out a housecat that I've got behind that shoji screen, and carry it toward you. If at any time, either of you feel any fear, or panic, just say stop, and I'll freeze, or get away, and I'll retreat as fast as I can.  
  
Miki: That kitten doesn't bother me. how about you, Naomi?  
  
Naomi: Nope. I've always liked cats, and I still like cats.  
  
Miki: When that ghost cat wrestled with us, I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Do you think that kitten is in a playful mood?  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: Well, that didn't seem to accomplish much.  
  
Miki: It didn't do anything to me, but I thought Naomi was acting a little out of character.  
  
Naomi: No way. If anything, it's you that's a little different.  
  
Nabiki: Well, let's call it a day. If anything happens that worries you, let me know, and I'll see what I can do about it.  
  
* * *  
  
Miki: No way! I'm just having a good day at practice.  
  
Naomi: Come on. You've changed. You're behaving differently, and your balance has way improved!  
  
Miki: I'm behaving the same as always! It's you who's acting differently. And you've never been that agile before.  
  
Naomi: But I feel normal.  
  
Miki: Let's visit Nabiki after practice.  
  
* * *  
  
Cologne: Well, it seems both of you have improved coordination, balance, and when you do something without thinking about it, your speed has improved. I'd say that the ceremony was a success, at least for you two.  
  
Miki: What about the way she's acting?  
  
Naomi: It's you that's changed! I'm the same as I was last week!  
  
Cologne: You've both changed. Even though I don't know you very well, it's readily apparent. It's not a radical change, and you seem to have integrated those changes to the point where you can't notice them in yourself. This implies that you received a piece of the spirit, and it has completely integrated with you. If it hadn't completely merged, then you'd have definitely noticed yourself when you were acting differently.  
The only question now is wither you like the change, or not. Your parents and teachers will assume that it's just a normal change in the process of growing up, unless you tell them differently.  
  
Miki: I'm happy the way things are, but I've thought of something. What would happen if someone tried an exorcism or a ward on us?  
  
Cologne: Nothing. Once two souls fully merge, they have formed a new soul that is complete, and indistinguishable from a normal soul. Wait. let me rephrase that. what happened has changed your soul, but it is now impossible to say what parts are native to your body, and what parts are possession. You each have one unusual soul that's as firmly fixed to your body as everyone else's.  
  
Naomi: So is there anything mystical that we have to worry about?  
  
Cologne: Not as far as magic itself goes. The only thing that will plague you is that due to your odd souls, you'd be considered more interesting to other spirits than the average human. I'd worry more about Catnip. A cat that could buy its own catnip would have a very good chance to get hooked. Watch out for each other when it comes to dealing with mints. You don't want to get hooked on candy canes, although if you need a vice, being hooked on peppermint is one of the least harmful.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: Well, we may have helped Miki and Naomi with this experiment, But Ranma's still scared of cats. We achieved some kind of transference, but not enough to help my main human client, and my spirit client seems content with the experiment as it stands. I don't see where to go from here.  
  
Cologne: His fear of cats is ingrained psychologically as well as spiritually. Even if you removed the spirit completely, he'd still have it. It should be easier to treat by traditional methods, as the spirit won't be fighting Ranma's spirit at the same time. What we really want is to achieve some new status quo where the spirit is happier, and Ranma doesn't loose his sanity around cats.  
  
Nabiki: The theory at our house seems to be that he enters cat-mode, because that way he is what he considers the most frightening thing in the world. By becoming it, he's more powerful than what he fears.  
  
Cologne: Well that might be part of it, but it isn't that promising a line of enquiry. That would suggest that we need to convince his subconscious that he's stronger than the cats. However we need to avoid any kind of adversarial relationship between Ranma and the cats. You wont get anywhere if either Ranma or the spirit are fighting you.  
  
Nabiki: What I'd like to do is have Ranma form some comforting associations with cats, but I can't see how to do this with his phobia so severe.  
  
Cologne: What if Ranma could remain aware when he went cat, and spent time with cats in that state?  
  
Nabiki: I wouldn't go for it. I couldn't imagine being aware, but unable to control my own body.  
  
Cologne: But being in control is much more important to you than it is to Ranma. Besides, it could be made to seem a dream sequence.  
  
Nabiki: Well, if he were in cat mode, and playing with kittens, and could perceive their affections without the visual and audio cues that freak him out, we might be able to get him to make good associations.  
  
Cologne: I'm a little worried that that might reinforce the image that he's safe only when it's a cat interacting with another cat. Also you'd have to select kittens carefully, an accidental scratch could do a great deal of harm.  
  
Nabiki: So I'll have to do a very careful selection process. That's just a logistics problem, I can handle those. People who care for such well behaved cats usually wouldn't entrust them to strangers anyway. How about the cat spirit playing with a kitten and its owner? If the owner is a young child, it might further soothe the child in Ranma that was abused.  
  
Cologne: Then you have to deal with how the child reacts to the spirit.  
  
Nabiki: I can handle that. Even if only one tenth of the kitten/child pairs can handle playful ghosts, that only increases the logistical problem tenfold.  
  
Cologne: You'll have to interview alot of people.  
  
Nabiki: I can delegate most of that, I'd see only the close matches to make a final decision. How would we get Ranma into a cat trance where he's partially aware?  
  
Cologne: I can help supply specific soporifics to put Ranma in an appropriate trance. It would be a case of me lending my skills to set up a situation you could exploit. I'll have to be uninvolved with the actual event, but if you administer the dosage, it will be seen as a ritual that you alone are performing, even though you use items you couldn't make yourself. You didn't have to learn metallurgy to make the hibachi you used to sacrifice the salmon to the kami, therefor you can use a potion I've created, and still be the sole mystic involved. But that doesn't help in summoning the spirit out of Ranma. How would you envision a spirit summoning?  
  
Nabiki: Well, if we had an appropriate vessel, we could temporarily transpose the spirit like I did with the milk, but we'd need a vessel that would be appropriate for cuddling a cat.  
  
Cologne: If we didn't need the vessel to actually interact with the kitten, we could use something symbolic, like a cat doll. As it is, it looks like the vessel would have to be live. You could be the vessel, but I wouldn't recommend it. Too many things could go wrong.  
  
Nabiki: What if instead of bringing Ranma to the friendly kitten experience, we brought the experience to him? Would there be some way of storing or distilling the warm feeling of a kitten, and gifting it to Ranma in his dreams?  
  
Cologne: That would be much harder, but also offers some interesting possibilities. We could combine that with the Xai fang Gao shiatsu technique to make him forget why he fears cats, put him into a trance state with a potion, have the distilled feelings added to his dreams, and reverse the shiatsu after he wakes.  
  
Nabiki Why cant we just use the shiatsu to make him forget, and be done with it?  
  
Cologne: Because his fears aren't a rational outgrowth of the event that caused them. We could make him forget why he's scared of cats, but that would still leave the fear. The fear is subconscious, even possibly autonomous. There's evidence that traumatic events like that change the physiochemical nature of the brain. The fear might be directly wired into his fight-or-flight response.  
  
Nabiki: So how would we distill warm fuzzy cat feelings?  
  
Cologne: You tell me. What makes sense to you?  
  
Nabiki: Well, if I were making a potion, I assume I'd use cat parts, but it would be a bad idea to harm a cat in any way.  
  
Cologne: There are ways around that for those of us who rely on potions, but that's a bit beyond what you're capable of doing at the moment. Go on.  
  
Nabiki: Something worn by the recordee. An amulet, bracelet or headband. The item should represent somehow the idea we are trying to transmit. Perhaps it should be blessed by the cat spirit in some way, or at least get its approval.  
  
Cologne: That's a good basis. Are you going to just record the human's experience, or the pet's also?  
  
Nabiki: I hadn't thought of that. I could have something designed to be attached to a cat collar. Hey, maybe something that interlocks with the human's recording device to symbolize the combination of the two sets of feelings being transmitted, and the type of setup we want to eventually arrange.  
  
Cologne: That sounds good. Draw up a more detailed proposal, and see if any more ideas come to you  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: OK, Ranma, I've got a theory on how to wipe out all of your fear of cats, for good.  
  
Ranma: Great. What do I have to do?  
  
Nabiki: Not so fast. It isn't that simple. Let me explain what's going on. There's a young spirit living inside of you that's tied to you. It's what takes over when you go into your cat-state. Most attempts to cure you would likely kill it, or imprison it, So it has been fighting for its life all along. Instead of fighting it, I'm suggesting making a permanent alliance with it.  
  
Ranma: What would that mean?  
  
Nabiki: I can't give you a perfect answer. What I think would happen, is that it would be always awake from now on, and able to see the world through your eyes, and you would be conscious when it was in control. It would probably like to come out and play occasionally,, but it would be your spirit that would be dominant. In exchange for this, we should be able to wipe out the fear, and even get you to the point where you like cats.  
  
Ranma: I don't know if I like the idea of sharing my body with a spirit, especially one that can take control.  
  
Nabiki: But that's what you already have. The spirit has been living in you since the training. Your body is its only home. And it took control whenever you were overwhelmed with fear. What I'm proposing is to allow you two to communicate, pass control freely, and make life more pleasant for whomever isn't dominant at the time. In exchange, you lose what has been a crippling fear.  
  
Ranma: How would we do that?  
  
Nabiki: I'm making an amulet that i can charge up. When it's ready, you'd take a sleeping draught just before going to bed, and wear the amulet while you sleep. There's a chance it would give you nightmares, but I think it would actually make your dreams pleasant. Then I take the amulet, in the morning, and recharge it. If it gives you nightmares, we'll do it slightly differently. But that's the general idea.  
  
Ranma: How do you recharge the amulet?  
  
Nabiki: Until you're over this fear, you really don't want to know.  
  
Ranma: What's this going to cost me?  
  
Nabiki: Simple. In the future I'm going to want to do more experiments. I'm asking you to agree to do them if they don't sound bad. I'm leaving you veto power to avoid ones you really don't want to do, and relying on your honor to do as many as you think are fair.  
  
Ranma: OK. Its worth it not to lose control during a fight, and to know what happened while I'm under. I'm in.  
  
Nabiki: Good, this will only work if you both agree to it. I'll need to get the spirit's permission too. I'll summon it when the amulet is finished. Meanwhile, think about the alliance with the spirit, there's evidence that this will let the spirit know about it.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: I've found someone to make a necklace that can hold two small figurines as removable insets, and a woodcarver who can make figurines of a boy and a cat, that can be attached to a charm bracelet, cat collar, or the necklace's front-piece.  
  
Cologne: Have him carve them out of oak, instead of pine.  
  
Nabiki: Why oak?  
  
Cologne: It's better suited to hold a psychic charge. We'll go over this more when we discuss the rudiments of alchemy. For now, let me draw an analogy. The best metal to conduct electricity in a wire would be gold, but that's impractical except in special circumstances. Next best would be silver, but that is still too expensive, so we use copper wiring. Iron and Aluminum will conduct electricity, but copper is so much better at it, even if it isn't the best. Pine would work, oak works excellently, there are even better substances, but there's no need when oak will do well enough.  
  
Nabiki: Are there any other convenient materials with good properties?  
  
Cologne: Keep an eye out for branches of oak or sakura that have been blasted off a tree by lightning, and stones that have had natural water wear out a hole through it. Survivors of two conflicting natural forces have a power arising from both. The power of lightning is unlike anything mankind could have made, except in the last hundred years, and wood that has survived it intact but changed resonates with the energy of life and electricity. Likewise the immutable stone subjected to implacable water describes both sides of order and change. Metallurgy is a study all its own. Luckily we live in a time where arbitrary metals can be acquired for cash, unless, of course, you need a rare one like uranium 235.  
How are you set up for subjects to charge the figurines?  
  
Nabiki: I've found half a dozen parents with six year old children. All the parents are indulgent to the idea of a charm being made. They claim not to believe in magic, but they were brought up with all of the typical superstitions. The children all get along with their pet cats. I've offered a nominal sum for their permission, and intend to bring a parent approved toy for the children every other session. The whole thing is moderately expensive, but cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist once a week. Whenever I've talked with Ranma, I've referred to the spirit living within him, without mentioning its characteristics. From Ranma's speech, he seems to have anthropomorphised it, which should make it easier to reconcile the two of them. If he can make friends with the spirit without thinking of it as a cat, then the struggle is half over.  
  
Cologne: That's good, but you should be aware that this will add complications. Ranma has less talent and learning than you, but a much higher repository of natural magic. His opinions about the nature of the spirit will have some bearing on how it manifests and behaves.  
  
Nabiki: I've described the spirit as trapped in Ranma, and unable to survive on it's own. I'm trying to steer Ranma into viewing it as an unfortunate victim. I'm hoping he'll rise to the occasion and want to protect and nurture it, rather than ask for an exorcism. I've pointed out that the problems it has caused him were arising from it fighting for its continued existence, and not from inherent malice on its part.  
  
Cologne: He's spent so long isolated from others while growing up, he should enjoy having a pet kami living with him.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: OK, Ranma, I've charged up the necklace. In this glass is a vile tasting soporific. I've tasted a drop myself, and I let Genma drink a glass after topping it with whipped cream. He stole it and drank it when I turned my back to him. No noticeable side effects, except the odd sensation that everything that happens to your body, is happening off in the distance. Have you ever taken Codeine? Its the same effect. Just before you go to sleep, drink it, and put on the necklace. Your father is out drinking, so you can sleep late tomorrow while he nurses his hangover.  
  
Ranma: You've thought of everything, haven't you?  
  
Nabiki: I do try. There are three likely reactions to this. The one we want will be a night of vague, pleasant dreams. There's a small chance of nightmares, which would mean it works, but not in the way we want. If that happens I can probably fix it the next night. If there's no effect, then the whole experiment's a bust. Good luck.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: So how were the dreams?  
  
Ranma: Weird. Pleasant, but frightening. Like taking a nice hot bath, while you know Kodachi is waiting downstairs.  
  
Nabiki: Which feeling was predominant?  
  
Ranma: Warmth and affection, but the fear was always in the background. Even though I couldn't figure out what was causing it.  
  
Nabiki: Then I think it was a success. Over time, the dreams should change. When you notice what direction they're going in, please tell me.  
  
Ranma: Am I going to have to drink more of that crap?  
  
Nabiki: I'm afraid so. Over time, the amount of disassociation caused by the drugs will diminish until it's only sleeping medicine, Then you can substitute an over the counter sleeping pill instead. Anything else you can tell me about the dream?  
  
Ranma: Well, I had another one, but I don't think it's related.  
  
Nabiki: Tell me anyway.  
  
Ranma: Your father was crying like normal, and Kasumi walks in, and I notice that Soun's only one foot tall. Kasumi picks him up and rocks him back and forth saying "There, there, father." for a while. Then she hands him over to a completely invisible woman who breast feeds him, when Akane walks in with a mallet, and clobbers him, while screaming "You pervert! How could you conceive me?"  
  
Nabiki: You better not tell anyone else about that one.  
  
* * *  
  
Ranma: I had my first dream where I could remember everything clearly!  
  
Nabiki: What happened?  
  
Ranma: I was surrounded by warmth and affection. Not like when Shampoo jumps and hugs me, but sort of a quiet, accepting kind of affection. But off to my right lurked the thing that was causing me anxiety. It sorta resolved itself into clouds. Alot of little affectionate clouds surrounding me, and one big menacing cloud. All of a sudden, the clouds snapped into focus. I was surrounded by dozens of little cats with wisps of flame for legs, but growling at me was this huge cat, bigger than a panda! I back up against the wall in a defensive pose. The little cats get up and form ranks between me and the monster. Then at the exact same moment they swarm the beast, and drive it off! Then each cat turns into a tongue of flame, and collides together, and turns into a campfire. Then Kuno took a meringue pie and smeared his face with it, while Akane dropped lobsters in his hakama. Then miss Hinako appeared wearing a cowboy hat and boots, sitting in a saddle on pop in panda form, while a flock of crows flew by saying `Aho.' Then for some reason a hot dog was being chased by a herd of doughnuts being chased by a herd of more hotdogs ...  
  
Nabiki: That's enough. It's getting was too Freudian for me. Lets discuss the ghost-cats in your dream. How did you feel about them?  
  
Ranma: Well, at first I convinced myself that since they were only ghosts, that they couldn't really hurt me, But the way they tore into the big one proved that wrong. I guess I felt both frightened and safe.  
  
Nabiki: Frightened and safe?  
  
Ranma: Frightened of what they were, and safe because they were on my side. Like a naked katana, dangerous but comforting if its protecting you. I felt like they cared for me even though I was scared of them. Something like Kasumi entering the living room with a loaded uzi.  
  
Nabiki: Okaaaay. I think we're heading in the right direction. We need you to get along with the kami inside you, and it is on your side. If you look at cats as powerful, but quirky individuals that are sometimes on your side, and sometimes against you, then cats are no worse than the martial artists that pass through.  
  
Ranma: I'm not scared of any martial artists!  
  
Nabiki: Exactly! Cologne is better trained than you, or at least knows techniques you haven't mastered yet. She's dangerous but not something to fear in itself. If you can see some cats as bad cats that cause you pain, and some cats as good, and protective, then you no longer fear cats themselves. You'll only have an unusually strong respect for the feelings of housecats.  
  
Ranma: OK, I think I follow you, What's the next step, Doc?  
  
Nabiki: First, we'll continue on the amulet treatment for now. It's helping, so there's no reason to stop. Next, there are two possibilities. The first is to get you to spend time with the nicest cat I can find, under supervision so that you can get away from it at any time without going under, and only go as far as you're willing.  
  
Ranma: I'm not going to like that.  
  
Nabiki: The other one is irreversible. Break down the wall that separates you from communicating with the kami. Once we do that, we're committed. I think you'd be better off dealing with a real cat first.  
  
Ranma: OK, I think I can deal with a real cat.  
  
Nabiki: Alright, I'll see if I can convince one of the mothers who helped me charge the amulet to allow you to visit. The one I have in mind, has a boy as old as you were when your father tortured you. He loves his kitten, and the kitten obviously loves him back. In addition, the kitten is already declawed so it wont hurt you by accident.  
  
* * *  
  
Cologne: So how goes your patient and client?  
  
Nabiki: I can't say that Ranma likes cats, but he has become acquaintances with several cats. He still reacts badly to an accidental scratch or prick from their claws, and watching him react whenever a cat yawns and shows its teeth would be comical if it weren't so pathetic. I'd say he's ready to spend time with Shampoo's cursed form, but only on her best behavior, and only supervised. Ranma is more receptive if there's someone the cat obeys present. He'll never admit it, but he'll trust Shampoo more if you are in the room. I think it's time to introduce Ranma to his cat spirit. Once the two of them can interact, we can either work on helping them live together, or find some way to make them both happy separately.  
  
Cologne: So how will you do it?  
  
Nabiki: I'm not sure. Ranma has to be conscious, so I thought he should start by meditating. If I had the spirit inside of me, I'd formulate what I thought was a good offer for it, and offer it for acceptance. Somehow that doesn't seem right for Ranma.  
  
Cologne: Yes, that likely wouldn't work. We effectively need Ranma's help in casting this spell if we want to do it with the energy available. You could appeal to a higher power to provide the energy to fix this, but that would ruin the original purpose of this which was to make a spirit indebted to you. I think your best bet would be to act as a negotiator, and shape the ritual in such a way that Ranma, himself, would cast the spell if he were able to. Set up a formal meeting. Agree to terms. Have him make whatever commitments to fulfill his half of the bargain, and have him drink this potion.  
  
Nabiki: What's in it?  
  
Cologne: A soporific strong enough to put an elephant to sleep, mixed with a tissane of about two dozen herbs that go poorly together, in order to make it taste vile.  
  
Nabiki: I don't get it.  
  
Cologne: For you, the spell would be cast once both parties agreed. Ranma, on the other hand, needs closure to convince him that all is proceeding correctly. He'll drink the magic potion, and when he wakes up, he will expect it to have taken affect. This little bit of showmanship really is necessary, because this puts Ranma's magical strength working with yours. For the same reasons, you have to make sure that the agreement isn't merely one that you feel is binding, but one that Ranma would keep. Bring in as many symbols as will convince him that this is an unbreakable oath. An irrevocable change in the order of the universe. Being of his own culture, you'll have a better idea what symbols are most binding to him.  
  
Nabiki: I'll get Ranma or a parent to pay for a professional tea ceremony. I'll write up a formal document for him to stamp with his hanko. He'll need his family's tanto. Maybe use that to stamp it in blood. Incense and something to burn the document to send it to the spirit realm.  
  
Cologne: I know Ranma well enough to know that a paper document won't be sufficient.  
  
Nabiki: True, he'll have to make a verbal commitment. I'll have him swear it three times. Once on his own honor, once on his families honor. What should the third one be?  
  
Cologne: How about on his skill as a martial artist? Have him acknowledge verbally that he's swearing triply, and after the last oath, down the potion.  
  
Nabiki: OK, now I've got to plan the wording for the commitment Ranma and the spirit are making.  
  
Cologne: You'll have to discuss it with Ranma beforehand. You can't surprise him at the ceremony, He has to fully accept it. You must "prepare the roots for transplanting" as you Japanese like to put it.  
  
Nabiki: I think I can manage that, that's what a business negotiator does, anyway.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: OK, Ranma. The final step of the cure is in two parts. The first part we decide on what the new arrangement between you and the spirit trapped in you will be, and the second will be a private commitment ceremony when all of this will take hold. The first part is informal, while the second part is very formal.  
  
Ranma: What kind of an arrangement are you talking about?  
  
Nabiki: Let me describe how your situation looks from the outside. You were born sixteen years ago. When you were six, your idiot father decided to torture you, at which point a kami came into being. The metaphysical process isn't important. When you are conscious, the kami is asleep, When you slipped into your nekoken, the kami had control of your body, and you were asleep. Not knowing of the kami, you and your father tried to get rid of your fear. As this would keep the kami from awakening, and possibly kill it, it has fought tooth and nail for its survival. In exchange for a promise to do right by the Kami, I had it agree to let me cure you. Now we have to decide how both of you can live together in the only body either of you have.  
  
Ranma: So I gotta give control to this kami? I don't like that.  
  
Nabiki: That's what you've been doing all along with the nekoken. Plus you never know what happened. This way it would happen when it wouldn't screw up the rest of your life, and you'd know about it afterwards. Besides, think of the kami. it rarely ever gets out, and has unwittingly been badly treated its whole life. The only thing you have to fight with it over, is your body. If you can get it to agree, then you've got an ally, possibly even a friend. And in the future, there's a slim chance of forging a suitable body for it.  
  
Ranma: OK. I still don't like it, but it probably is better that way. What kind of agreement did you have in mind?  
  
* * *  
  
Ranma: I, Ranma Saotome, having sole possession of my body, but sharing it with the kami, which shall be henceforth referred to in the Japanese language as Ran'neko, desire to make a new arrangement with Ran'neko for our mutual benefit. From now on, when one of us is in possession of control of this body, the other may either observe or sleep as they wish. The observer will have access to all of the senses of the body. Furthermore, we may communicate with each other, at least through empathic feelings, although we hope to have this extend to Japanese at such time as Ran'neko understands it. I will voluntarily allow Ran'neko control more often than I have in the past, and expect Ran'neko to relinquish control afterwards. It is my fervent hope that we will learn to coexist peacefully. So say I, Ranma Saotome.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: So, Ranma, did it work?  
  
Ranma: Merrrow.  
  
[Ranma in cat mode leapt at Nabiki, knocking her to the floor, and while sitting on her lap, gives her a big cat-kiss.  
  
Akane: You pervert!  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki: So, Ranma. Is it you in there?  
  
Ranma: Yep, I was still half asleep when Ran'neko woke before. i can't explain it, but I can feel it there. It's curious and mystified by what's going on. I don't think it understands speech yet.  
  
Nabiki: Well, you retained the nekoken when Ran'neko is in control. Akane couldn't punish you for Ran'neko kissing me. You even shredded her mallet.  
  
Ranma: That was weird. My body moved before I could have reacted, And I felt like I do when casting a mouko takabisha. Now I've got a chance to learn the nekoken for real.  
  
Nabiki: I've got to warn you, it may be impossible for a human to truely master the nekoken without merging with the spirit. Cologne pointed out some of the things you do with your spine in cat mode could not be achieved purely through martial arts, and involved magic originating from the spirit.  
  
Ranma: So it isn't a purely martial arts technique?  
  
Nabiki: Yep, it relies on the Ran'neko's spiritual power as well as martial arts. mind you, with the two of you cooperating, you might be able to pull it off. Cologne suggested that one doesn't learn the nekoken so much as merge with it. You might want to discuss this with her.  
  
Ranma: I think tomorrow, while sparring with pop might be an ideal time to let Ran'neko out to play.  
  
* * *  
  
Ranma: Nabiki said you didn't think I could learn the nekoken.  
  
Cologne: On the contrary, I can't think of anyone more likely to be able to learn it, seeing as you're actually in your body while it is being performed. You can probably learn alot that would be useful. I just don't think it likely that a pure human can master it.  
  
Ranma: You think thats why I haven't been able to master these chi claws Ran'neko uses to shred things? The best I've managed looked like my mouko takabisha coming out as four flamethrowers out of my fingers. Ran'neko seems to think it's insanely easy.  
  
Cologne: No. The problem most likely there is that the claws are a second order construct, while you're trying to form them as a first order construct.  
  
Ranma: What do you mean?  
  
Cologne: Say you wanted to make a katana out of fire or electricity. You have a campfire in front of you. You can increase or decrease the fire by adding wood. You can throw a burning branch, or wave it like a club. You can even shape it to some extent by shaping the fuel. But no matter what you do, you cannot form a true katana out of it. The best you could make would be a really nasty club. That's basically what your mouko takabisha is. Pure energy cast through the lens of emotion.  
  
Ranma: So how does Ran'neko form the claws?  
  
Cologne: The way you manipulate energy, is through more energy. Electricity is controlled through the use of other electricity. Fire affects fire. You must release some of your chi to form an environment where whenever you release a bit more chi, it flows into the shape you want without effort. All of your effort goes into shaping the mould for the claws. The claws form effortlessly.  
  
Ranma: Is this how Happosai makes that chi blast that looks like a dragon?  
  
Cologne: No. It's unlikely anyone has the skill in shaping second order effects to create something that detailed. For that, he's actually sending out a spirit projection, and filling it with chi to make it visible and dangerous.  
  
Ranma: Could I do something like that with Ran'neko?  
  
Cologne: Theoretically, yes. However trying to do that without learning the intermediate steps runs the risk of killing both of you. The natural tendency would put all your chi into the spirit, the human body would die, and then the spirit would lose the body's chi, and die too.  
  
Ranma: Why does Ran'neko find it so easy to do?  
  
Cologne: Because it's doing it on an almost instinctual level. Spirits are themselves first order forces. They learn how to do second order chi manipulations about the same way you learned to use your muscles as a baby. Imagine the difficulty you'd have explaining to someone else without words how to move your arm. You just do it. Moving your arm is trivial, explaining it is ridiculous.  
  
Ranma: You mentioned first and second order effects, are there still higher ones?  
  
Cologne: Theoretically, yes. But the difficulty in getting the desired results is of such a ridiculous magnitude, that second order is a practical maximum. Although there are legends of attacks and defenses that would be impossible without using tertiary effects.  
  
Ranma: Like what?  
  
Cologne: Magically dead chi traps. Something using absolutely no magic or spirits, but that channels someone else's chi into making a weapon that fires back at the activator. With no magic, it's nearly invisible to magical senses, And if anyone uses their chi to try to detect it, they kill themselves.  
  
Ranma: Ouch. I'm glad that one's lost. How does one defeat it?  
  
Cologne: One doesn't. One avoids it. Send in cannon fodder to activate it, and look for another way in. If you can figure out precisely how it was made, you could unmake it, but one slip, and it goes off. The traditional way to destroy it, was to watch forty or fifty people getting torn to death, so that you could figure out how to undo it.  
  
Ranma: Ugh. Thats nasty. How do you detect it then?  
  
Cologne: By the pile of dead martial artists. Don't worry, if left alone, the traps usually destroy themselves in a few years, and the secret has been lost for over a thousand years.  
  
Ranma: When it was a closely guarded Amazon secret?  
  
Cologne: No, a dragon's. She lived in the Bayankala range, although nowhere near us. One day, her cave vanished, and she hasn't been seen since.  
  
Ranma: What do you mean vanished? A landslide?  
  
Cologne: No, it was as if the cave never formed. After extensive excavation work, there was no evidence of it ever existing. We dug out an area larger than the original cave, but found nothing. There's still a marble plaque there, saying "Sorry about the mess. Was worried something happened to you. We will make every effort to help if we accidentally destroyed something. -- The Joketsuzoku" It's always a good idea to be polite to dragons. No sense in getting the stuffing ripped out of you every day.  
  
* * * 


	3. Chapter 3: The Life Cycle Of The Soul

"A Short Discussion about `The Universe'"  
by Neil Reynolds  
  
Chapter 3: The Life Cycle Of The Soul  
  
Nabiki: So now that we've pulled off my first major spell, what's next on the syllabus  
  
Cologne: I think it's time that we lay the groundwork in removing your biggest blind-spot with regard to magic.  
  
Nabiki: A blind spot? Just laying the groundwork for removing it?  
  
Cologne: Quite so. The actual removal is a time-consuming process, on the order of months or years. Shortcuts exist, but none of them are appropriate at this point, so we'll do this the old fashioned way.  
  
Nabiki: Am I going to have to dance naked on a mountain-top?  
  
Cologne: No, that's training for the esoteric martial arts move  
"Bald Knight on Moussorgsky Mountain." We've talked of magic, but so far, you've only perceived it's effects, which limits things in alot of ways. You're at the stage where you can see that a magnet attracts iron, but have no perception that this is caused by electricity. Eventually you might propose an experiment with electricity that causes a spark to jump, and then you might be able to perceive the effect of magic moving through air, but that would still only be seeing the effect that electricity had as it oxidizes the air. Electricity would still be invisible to you.   
Similarly, all you can perceive is the result of spells, you lack any perception of the underlying process, even if you have an understanding of it.  
  
Nabiki: So how do I gain a perception of magic?  
  
Cologne: There are several methods, all of which can be combined. In the long run, you'll develop senses for magic similarly to the way an infant develops the neurological pathways for your other senses. Being older than three means that the fluidity of your brain has slowed significantly, so this will take a long time.  
Granted it is possible to restore such malliability through the use of powerful drugs, strong voltages across the frontal lobes, and a variety of other severe methods, but their benefit is far outweighed by the detrimental side effects, such as imbecilety.  
There are exercises of mind-numbing boredom that I'll give you that should help, but first we're going to discuss both the nature of perception, and phenomenology as it applies to a world containing magic. First we'll cover perception using the analogy of electromagnetism. Can you sum up what you know about electromagnetism?  
  
Nabiki: Just the standard highschool science material. You can make an electromagnet by wrapping wire around a nail. Light is electromagnetic waves. Electricity is the flow of electrons. Lightning, static electricity, batteries. That about covers it.  
  
Cologne: Very well. It has long been known that electricity and magnetism were related. Your electromagnet, and lightning strikes on iron making permanent magnets were proof of that. Einstein's theory of relativity provided an explanation showing that magnetism was merely the secondary effects of electricity with respect to relativity.  
Magnetism has long been easier to perceive, and has been of practical value for hundreds of years, if not thousands. Anyone can construct a device to test for the existence of a magnetic field, and with a little ingenuity, even measure it's strength and direction. An iron pin held by string, or iron filings will detect a localized field, or to be more technically accurate a field gradient, while a magnetized pin will point north giving a field's direction. Attach springs and you can get a measure of the forces involved. Some animals are even thought to have sufficient sensory apparatus as to always know where north is.  
Useful as such magnetometers are, they tell you very little about electricity. Or rather they tell you alot, provided you're interested only in electricity traveling more or less in a circle, more or less continuously. Electricity itself remained unperceived until about two hundred years ago unless it was either static electricity, or rather huge amounts of the stuff being forced through the air making glowing pathways of hot ionized air that glowed impressively and destroyed trees.  
Now we can build devices to measure electrical effects and potentials in a variety of methods. the human body is more than capable of detecting electricity, as anyone with metal fillings can attest. However it is still impossible for the human body to perceive a single electron.  
A single electron does, however have the ability to theoretically affect every other electron in the universe. if it oscillates rapidly, the effect flows out as light, which is easily perceived so long as it's a wavelength we're interested in. This is of no use in seeing the electron itself, but it's effect is so pervasive that it wasn't until historically recently that we associated the two. The connection between light and electricity was actually the impetus that lead Einstein's immediate predecessors to throw out the strictly Newtonian view of the universe, allowing Einstein to propose his solution.  
  
Nabiki: And this applies to magic how?  
  
Cologne: When magic does something dramatic, everyone can see the effects, and anyone can make some kind of meter to detect the effects, much like magnetism. Through effort one can make a variety of thaummeters to measure the properties of magic in an area, like voltmeters and ammeters do, and if the magic is strong enough, one can detect magic used on yourself much like you'd feel a spark, even if the magic has no noticeable effect. The hardest to manage is magic sight at a distance, as humans don't have appropriate eyes for this.  
One can develop a proto eye, much like the early animals did, which can detect the equivalent of light and dark, and colors. One can also use the equivalent of a pinhole lens to bring some focus. One can also construct something to act as a lens. However giving you a lens would be worthless, as you don't have the neural pathways to turn such an image into a picture of reality. it takes an infant with working eyes months before the light that hits it gets turned into an intellegable picture.  
  
Nabiki: So I have to work at seeing color and light, and then later work on seeing where it comes from, and what it looks like?  
  
Cologne: Yes, but still that's only part of it. There are different types of active and passive perceptions that can be used, each with it's own advantages and disadvantages. Passive scans are the easiest, safest, and least informative.  
  
Nabiki: What's the distinction between passive and active?  
  
Cologne: A passive scan could be looking around a room. You're relying on the object itself glowing or reflecting or blocking light from some other outside source. If this works, great. But it fails completely if it is too dark, or it's transparent to the light, or if it's obscured by the light as stars are during the day, or if it's the same color as the background, or a hundred other reasons.  
An active scan is where you provide whatever is being used as light. Looking using a flashlight, or echolocation, or radar are all active. You send out something and look what comes back. You have much better control as you control the illumination. Something has to work much harder to avoid an active scan, but an active scan announces your presence, even to passive scans. A person has to be blind not to see someone with a flashlight in a dark room, and missiles can track radar right back to it's source. Any time you actually probe something it is an active scan. If you merely make yourself available to outside impressions, it is passive. Which brings us to phenomenology, and Hindu Buddhism.  
  
Nabiki: Before we go there, what kind of passive and active scans are applicable to magic?  
  
Cologne: Well, any type of passive scan yields several active scans, such as hearing leads to echolocation and explosive seismography. Passive scans in magic usually relate to types of magic, in broad terms. Detection of spiritual energies, elemental energies, raw power, chaos, intent, even desire to bend the future towards a specified goal.  
  
* * *  
  
It was a quiet weekend early afternoon. Ranma was working on a new technique while sitting on a rock surrounding the koi pool. The technique seemed to involve lights or chi flashing between his hands. Genma was playing go with Soun, and sipping Tea, while Kasumi was tidying up the family area. Akane and Nabiki were absent. This was one of the few moments of calm in the frantic life of Ranma.   
  
His father was leaving him alone since his son was so obviously working on a chi technique, and was therefor not goofing off, so he felt he deserved a break from pushing Ranma to fight better. In Genma's mind, it was an odious task to ambush and berate his son. Only the lowest kind of filth would actually do that for enjoyment. But as it was the way to drive his son, he was willing to do it for Ranma's sake. In this way, rationalization allowed hypocrisy to engage in cruelty. The truely amazing thing was that all this could happen within the mind of one of the dumbest men on the planet.  
  
Ranma wasn't actually working on this alone. Ran'neko was alternately trying to explain a concept for which both parties lacked the words. Ranma and Ran'neko didn't even have a vocabulary that they shared as such. It was a discussion involving imagined images, and feelings, and a prolonged game of 'hot and cold'.  
  
Originally Ranma was trying to recreate the claws Ran'neko used, but it soon became obvious that this was a problem beyond their ability to communicate. Cologne's advice on the matter prompted another approach, Ranma was now working on cylinders. Ranma figured that if he could make a staff or a shield, he could work on sharpening the sides or the point later. Bladed weapons were harder to build, and harder to discuss with Ran'neko since they were something that Ran'neko saw no need for, but a shield, or just a cylinder in general could be useful, even if Ran'neko had no idea why at the moment.  
  
This had an additional unexpected benefit when it was discovered that Ran'neko had no idea how to make a cylinder. It's claws were trivial to create, and it could make things based on a single claw-nail, but that was all done without conscious thought. Actually constructing a new shape was a bizarre concept to Ran'neko. However during Ran'neko's experiments in the easier task of making a cylinder, Ranma was beginning to see the method behind the technique.  
  
This process was further hampered because Ran'neko had little to no attention span to speak of, and little interest in martial arts as Ranma did it. Ran'neko would play with the problem a little while, and then get bored. Ranma could squash a ball of chi between his hands now, making it look ovoid from the side, but this was of no use to him. It did prove that he theoretically could learn this technique, but it was a long way from useful.  
  
Ranma was now trying to draw a chi ball into a long thin oval, approaching his staff idea, although Ran'neko had indicated that he was missing something basic that couldn't be explained. Ranma had gotten the idea that he was learning a step he'd need in order to make the staff, but he'd skipped some steps that would be needed to actually succeed. The two of them agreed that he had to learn this step eventually, so why not now.  
  
Ranma seemed able to do it, but Ran'neko didn't think it was good enough, because he was adding and removing chi as he did it. Ran'neko insisted that the elongation step would need to be independent of the flow of chi between it and Ranma. Because they lacked a common tongue, this explanation of Ran'neko took about 10 minutes to get across.  
  
So Ranma found himself apparently focusing on two chi tasks simultaneously. One task was maintaining a chi ball with a constant volume, and the other was to elongate it. Like a three year old trying to learn to pat his head and rub his belly at the same time, Ranma was slowly learning to split his mind in using chi, and was creating autonomic systems to do these tasks. This meant repetition, and exercise, even for an accomplished martial artist like Ranma. He knew what he wanted his body to do, now he had to practice it.  
  
While Ranma was doing this, he was also communicating with Ran'neko, who found the exercise boring, and decided his next exercise would be making a small ball of chi, and making it move as he wished in front of him. Ranma was secretly hoping to expand this to a chi attack that'd go around corners, or follow a dodging target. If he knew how much harder his wishes would be compared to just moving the ball, he might have given up that idea, or at least gotten to it later.  
  
Ran'neko was frustrated that it couldn't convey to Ranma why Ranma shouldn't be using emotions to power his attacks, but at least it got the idea to Ranma that he'd be unable to do any of the more difficult things until he stopped using confidence to fuel his chi. Ranma resolved to try to get Cologne's insight on this problem.  
  
Just then, their concentration was interrupted by the cliche of Ryouga attacking for no reason. "Ranma Saotome, prepare to die." Ranma back-pedals away from the koi pond, and was trying to decide if he should let Ran'neko play with Ryouga, or if he should allow Ryouga to fight him instead.   
  
On the one hand, Ran'neko was clearly bored, and would enjoy batting Ryouga around the dojo. Also Ryouga hadn't given even a passable reason why Ranma should allow Ryouga the fight Ryouga wanted.  
  
On the other hand, Ryouga might have a decent reason for the attack, and therefor deserved to fight Ranma, and not be shunted off as an annoyance. Ranma was willing to admit to himself that Ryouga did occasionally have a valid reason to attack, although to Ranma's thinking those times were very rare.  
  
Ran'neko couldn't understand Ranma's thoughts and reasons surrounding honor. But it did realize that Ranma knew it wanted to play, and that Ranma would let Ran'neko play, if Ranma decided it wasn't unfair to Ryouga. Ran'neko had some difficulty with the concept of fairness, goodness, and honor, because it lacked any referents. These concepts, like language were human things that it could barely grasp. Ran'neko was more than willing to put up with this human foible, because it realized that Ranma wasn't holding it back due to a selfish desire, but because of a need that Ran'neko couldn't understand, and truely didn't want to understand.  
  
Ran'neko was probably the only being in existence that thought Ranma would be better at dealing with social graces and human interaction than it would be. While Ranma was unintentionally taunting Ryouga, and intentionally trying to find out what made Ryouga so mad this time, Ryouga moved his umbrella to automatically block the knife that was thrown at him.  
  
Ryouga and Ranma separate as they and the observers realize that something odd just happened. While fighting Ranma, a martial artist that fastidiously avoids weapons, Ryouga blocked a thrown knife. A thrown kitchen knife, that hit Ryouga's umbrella hilt first, and therefor wouldn't have bothered Ryouga if it had hit him squarely between the eyes. Who could have thrown it? There was no one in that direction, but Kasumi, falling to the ground in a faint.  
  
There are two seconds of stunned silence, before people spring into action. Ranma and Ryouga honestly forget they are fighting, as they spring to help Kasumi. Soun would have been more help if he either stopped wailing or got out of the boy's way. Ranma turns to Ryouga, and barks "Ryouga guard her in case this is some sort of enemy attack, I'll call for backup." Ryouga nods, and looks after Kasumi, who seems to be in fine shape, except for her fainting spell.  
  
Neither Ranma nor Ryouga realized that it was pure chance Ranma was nearest the phone. Otherwise in the heat of the moment he'd have sent Ryouga off for help, while he guarded. Because a mysterious incompetent knife thrower was somehow combined with a fainting spell, and therefor not a simple medical situation in Ranma's mind, Ranma called Cologne, and outlined the weird event, and asked for her help. Cologne and Nabiki race back to the dojo, after trying to convince themselves and Ranma that Kasumi isn't in immediate danger.  
  
Ranma races back to the engawa, to find Ryouga alert, and Soun blubbering. "Cologne's on her way. Any sign of anyone else around?"  
  
"No one."  
  
"I'm gonna try something. You stand guard, and ignore me, OK?"  
  
"Right."  
  
Ranma releases control to Ran'neko, and scares Soun Tendo witless. Soun hasn't come to grips with the nekoken, and Ryouga had never seen this before. Ryouga was completely unaware of the changes to the nekoken that allowed Ranma to access it this way, and Ryouga never heard anyone refer to Ran'neko before. Ryouga assumed that Ranma had found some way to enter that state without cats being present, and was worried how he was going to snap Ranma out of it before being used as a scratching post.  
  
Meanwhile Ran'neko was walking around Kasumi looking (and sniffing) for clues. A quick trot out to the knife and back convinced Ran'neko that in spite of the insanity of it Kasumi had thrown the knife. Ran'neko also couldn't detect any trace of a spirit, or possession, or any other oddity that might have caused the placid Kasumi to throw a knife at Ryouga.  
  
Ranma stood back up. While communication was difficult between the two minds in Ranma's head, Ranma had understood, that Kasumi had thrown the knife before she fainted. Kasumi was definitely not possessed, and there was no sign that she had been. Ranma wasn't able to frame any other questions for Ran'neko, but Ranma was aware that Ran'neko was mystified. so whatever did this was too subtle, too skilled, or too bizarre for the spirit to spot it.  
  
Ranma turned to Ryouga. "Nothing. No trace of anything out of the ordinary. Her hand was the last to touch the knife. She's not possessed. Well, almost definitely not possessed."  
  
"You've mastered the nekoken?" Ryouga's mind focused on the most bizarre, and to him important, fact.  
  
Ranma answered "Naw, but I can use it better than before. There's no one I could detect, and nothing wrong I could spot. Whatever it was is probably gone, but we'd better stay on guard until Cologne gets here. Maybe the steak-knife was cursed, so don't let anyone touch it until Cologne says so, OK."  
  
"Got it. What can you do with the nekoken?"  
  
"I can enter it, but then I'm not in control until I come out. Also I can remember what happened. I'm trying ta master those chi claws when I'm normal, but no luck yet. Also my senses are different in that form. That's why I switched. Ta see if I could figure out what happened. But I came up with nothing, except that Kasumi's hand threw the knife."  
  
Nabiki bursts in, carrying Cologne on her shoulder. "What's happened?"  
  
Ranma relates "Ran'neko could find no sign of possession, or any oddity. Kasumi definitely held the knife last. No sign of spirits, or people hiding. We're stumped."  
  
Kasumi starts to come to. Soun dives towards her, crying "My baby!" But finds his forehead blocked by Cologne's staff. Cologne tells Kasumi "Just rest for a bit. Everything is all right. What's the last thing you remember before you fainted?"  
  
"Ryouga and Ranma had started sparring on the lawn, when all of a sudden, I felt this wave of unreasonable hatred, and threw a steak-knife at Ryouga, which he blocked of course. Then I passed out."  
  
"Stay lying down for a few minutes more." Cologne hands Nabiki a packet. "Boil a cup of water. Add a teaspoon of cold water to cool it, and drop these herbs in. They'll help Kasumi." Nabiki goes off to follow the instructions. "Kasumi, just rest until Nabiki has made you a cup of tea, and then you can get up."  
  
Ranma interjects "I thought the knife might have been cursed. I can't think of anything else."  
  
Cologne nods. "Unlikely, but possible. I'll test it in a moment, but that feels wrong. Ryouga. Her actions happened when you arrived. Let me look you and your pack over to check if that was involved."  
  
After a lengthy process of tests on Kasumi, Ryouga, the knife, and Ryouga's possessions, all of which fail to detect anything odd, Ranma follows a hunch, and enters the kitchen where Kasumi is preparing a snack. At a vague hint, Ranma relinquishes control to Ran'neko, who promptly rubs his sides against Kasumi's calves, much to Ranma's embarrassment. After receiving a scritch behind the ears, and a pat on the head, Ranma and Ran'neko try to play twenty questions to tell Ranma what Ran'neko just discovered.  
  
Ranma outlines to Cologne, and the rest of the living room, "Ran'neko noticed something odd about Kasumi, but has no idea what it means, or how to explain it to me. He said that Kasumi is possessed, by Kasumi, and that it's been around for a long time, maybe years. Does this make sense to anyone?"  
  
Cologne asks "Two Kasumi souls overlapping?"  
  
Ranma and Ran'neko try to work this out internally. "No. There's Kasumi, and there's little Kasumi? That's not quite right, but that's the feeling I'm getting. One soul, plus a little something that's also Kasumi. And there's nothing evil or mean or foreign involved, just something odd that's been around forever."  
  
Kasumi brings in a tray of tea and snacks for the assembled crowd. "I thought you might enjoy a snittle lack."  
  
Nabiki looks at her sister, "Kasumi, are you sure you're fully recovered?"  
  
"Bever netter! I feel furfectly pine."  
  
Cologne mumbles "I'm going to need to get some more sensitive items from my shop."  
  
* * *  
  
Cologne: OK, we're dealing with a variation on the theme of possession. Most of the information we have are negatives. We know it's not an external spirit, so exorcism would be pointless. It has no malicious or selfish intent, so it won't intentionally harm Kasumi. It has been around for a long time without detection, so if it wanted to do something to Kasumi it could have been done long before this. Right now it's manifesting spoonerisms in Kasumi's speech, so it isn't too onerous. The spirit isn't a whole soul, lacking in the ability to make decisions, or have desires that might run contrary to Kasumi's best interests, and probably can't survive as a separate being away from Kasumi's main soul. The spirit is almost identical in structure to Kasumi's, and has almost definitely arisen out of Kasumi's.  
Here are my best guesses as to what's going on. It could be a harmless aberration like webbed fingers. But then it wouldn't be causing the spoonerisms. It could be an aberration that causes incidental distress, like a harmless wart in an unfortunate part of the body causing inordinate distress. In this case removing it if possible is best.  
It could be mindlessly parasitic. Not intending any harm for the host system, but harming it none the less by draining resources either in miniscule or substantial amounts. This one I could test for. It is definitely not draining Kasumi in any substantive way. A much longer test over a few days would be needed to guarantee that it doesn't drain anything, but if it is draining anything, it is doing it so slowly that we can treat it as one of the earlier cases  
It could be symbiotic, serving some function for Kasumi, in which case removal would be hazardous without finding out the root problem. This implies that the Spoonerisms are a side effect, either of it's existence, or the root problem.  
It could be some form of evolution, such as a soul becoming an angel and gaining wings, but if it is, it's unique, counterproductive, and ineffectual.  
Finally it could be an aborted or incomplete attempt for a soul to undergo parthenogenesis. There is no evidence to support this. There is no evident reason why this would occur, and indicators that suggest it isn't.  
  
Nabiki: What sort of indicators?  
  
Cologne: Well, we know that whatever caused this is old. Months or years old. If it were the beginning of a second soul, then like a baby differing from it's parents it would look like a similar but different soul than Kasumi's. Even if it started identical to Kasumi's, and experienced similar things, there would be a drift between the two souls.  
The most likely choices here are a symbiotic relationship, or an unnecessary growth like a wart or callous in an area that disrupts the smooth operation of the main soul. In both cases we'd like the extra bit to be removed, or re-absorbed into the original. Preferably re-absorbed.  
However this could be disastrous if it is performing some needed function, and we don't first fix that problem. Luckily the situation is about as benign as possible. There's no emergency to solve this, so we have the time to look for the root cause, and fix it if it exists. It would be negligent to try to fix this without guaranteeing that the cure doesn't cause the main soul more distress. So we assume it's a symbiont until proven otherwise  
  
* * *  
  
While Cologne and Nabiki discuss the nature of the growth of the soul, Ranma was trying to understand the hints Ran'neko was able to give him leading to a fuller understanding of chi. Having determined that Kasumi wasn't in any danger, besides possible minor embarrassment, Ranma decided to take advantage of Cologne's presence and ask her.  
  
As soon as there's an obvious break in Cologne's discussion with Nabiki, Ranma asks, "Old ghoul, why does Ran'neko think I shouldn't be using my emotions to power my chi attacks?"  
  
"There are several reasons, actually. Nabiki, you should sit in on this one, because it will probably be of value to you too. Chi and emotions are two completely different things. While Ranma has a good idea of the uses of Chi, he likely knows next to nothing about what it is. I normally wouldn't bother giving Ranma this kind of lecture, because it would bore him to sleep, and be forgotten, but using what I'm about to suggest would allow Ranma to develop attacks and defenses against supernatural entities. Using the wrong chi attack on an incorporeal spirit could power it up, rather than rip it to shreds."  
  
"So I gotta stay awake to learn a new attack?"  
  
Cologne chuckles "Oh no. You have to stay awake if you ever want to defeat a ghost with something other than luck. Do the wrong thing, and you'll power up the ghost the same way the rising dragon ascension is powered on your opponent's chi. If you want to develop an attack you'll have to do still more work, but you'll fail until you learn some of this."  
  
Cologne continues "A perfectly healthy person without chi goes into a coma, not death. Why is that? The body can run without chi, but the person needs it to survive. The body generates chi, and provides some pathways to move it about, but it could keep running indefinitely without chi. Chi is what allows the body and the spirit to interact. Without chi, the spirit or soul of a person drifts free of the body. Without chi, a spirit cannot affect the real world in any means.  
  
"So in order to see a ghost it must have some chi. If it looses all of it's chi, it still exists, but in a form that can't do anything until it finds some more chi. It can't even be seen. If you fire a chi attack, usually you are trying to knock the spirit's chi out of the spirit. If you do this, it isn't dead, but it can't do anything either. But if it can absorb that chi, your attack can make it much more powerful."  
  
Ranma interrupts "So how do I know what chi attacks to use?"  
  
"It depends on your enemy. In general the rising dragon ascension is safer, as it tries to draw chi from the enemy. But none of your chi attacks are pure chi. If they were, your chi attacks would behave identically to Ryouga's. Pure chi is white or colorless. It is more versatile than your blue tinted confidence blast, and much harder to focus outside of the body. You use emotions several ways when you do your mouko takabisha.   
  
"Powerful emotions shift chi throughout your body making it easier to create a detachable ball of concentrated chi. That's why concentrating on one emotion is so important. Different emotions pump chi into different areas, so if you don't focus on one emotion, the amount of chi available for you to extract from one point of your body will be much smaller.  
  
"The other way that emotions are important is based on the way powerful emotions affect how the ball behaves once it leaves the body. This is why your chi attack differs from Ryouga's. You're using the same chi, but doped with different emotions.  
  
Without powerful emotions, manipulating chi is much harder. Your confidence is like a weapon. A crutch. Loose confidence in a battler and you're much less powerful. Plus the use of chi mixed with emotions has side effects that haven't been properly studied. This is why Indian mystics insist that the cessation of emotions and desire are necessary precludes to chi manipulation. This is also why you rarely see either of us centarian martial artists firing off bolts of chi. They are forbidden to be taught in the amazon village."  
  
Nabiki interrupts "If they're such a bad idea, why have you allowed Ryouga and Ranma to use them?"  
  
"Because they'd use them even if I told them not to. Because they'd have to use them for a few years before they'd cause serious harm. Because teenagers don't really believe anything bad will really happen to them. And because they never asked me. Both Ranma and Ryouga are very good at learning what they want, but horrible learning what they don't care about. Ranma learned the Amaguriken so quickly, because he needed to. If I just told him to stick his fist into fire repeatedly, it'd taken him much longer.   
  
In a year or two I'd have suggested to someone how to completely negate one of the attacks. Ryouga and Ranma would have gone into a panic learning to change their attacks, and absorb the other's, until one or the other would either have figured out or asked about emotionless chi. Once they learned those, the dangerous attacks would have been quickly abandoned and forgotten.  
  
"So why are you telling me now?"  
  
"You asked, and you now have a reason to want to learn the truth. You'll learn because you don't like the idea of an attack you can't do, and because you want to show your father what the nekoken could do if he hadn't tortured you ten years ago. Once you learn the neko's claws, you'll see so many better ways to use your chi than the mouko takabisha. Besides Nabiki needs to understand most of this order to understand how spirits, magic, chi, and humans interact."  
  
"So how do I focus pure chi?"  
  
"You can't until you have discovered what it feels like to focus chi when you are without emotions, and that means studying meditation techniques."  
  
"Oh man. Dad's gonna flip his lid."  
  
"Then you have to try something a little different. Meditation is supposed to be done at rest for two reasons. To help dismiss the awareness of the outside world, and to avoid restricting the flow of chi through the body. Both of those can be accomplished by you while doing a kata you know by heart. It might even be easier that way."  
  
"The rest of this discussion is intended for Nabiki only. You can listen in if you want some more insight on opponents you might have to face in the future, but if you're bored, its your own fault."  
  
"Spiritual possession can be accomplished in several ways, but they all revolve around some other spirit gaining a better grasp on the bodies chi and chi control than the victims spirit. This can be as simple as a wandering spirit coming by a body that had been drained of chi, and lost its spirit, to something complicated involving both magic and chi.   
  
Ranma's is a special case where two spirits are using the same body, but neither is possessing the other. They are safe from exorcism, as both spirits were conceived and belong with that body, and therefor neither is an invading spirit to be driven out.  
  
An exorcism that doesn't care which is the native spirit is called a soul knife, and is among the most deadly attacks on a corporeal body. It's an assassin's technique, and it's considered an abomination by all those who understand exorcisms. Even those who know how to do this want to obliterate the knowledge from others, as it is extremely effective against everything, unless it's both very powerful, and it's actively defending from it. It is the sealed technique of all sealed techniques except for those who are solely spirit. Interestingly, Hinako Ninomiya's 50 yen satsu is an intentionally flawed version of this attack, and if her attack could have been improved to remove this flaw, she'd have been killed long ago.  
  
Now Kasumi seems to be suffering from a possession that also is native to her body, so a standard exorcism won't work. But unlike Ranma, where a skillfully wielded soul knife could theoretically dislodge one of the souls in him, the second soul in Kasumi seems to be Kasumi also.  
  
Ran'neko has been in existence for 10 years, and could be said to be born of Ranma's soul, probably with the other cats in the pit acting as the other parent. Both of Kasumi's are exactly the same. Even if Kasumi's soul underwent some kind of parthenogenesis and split into the two souls, they should have developed differently. This implies that there is an intrinsic connection between them so that a change in one affects the other identically.  
  
So even if an exorcism could be performed, it would do Kasumi much more harm than good. In addition there's no indication at all that this is intended to harm Kasumi in any way. It has apparently been going on for years, and is only now noticeable. My first guess was that the current behavior is a side effect of the beneficial work the second spirit had been performing.  
  
"If that's the case, what would happen if the original need for the spirit was removed?"  
  
"There are quite a few possibilities. The best would be it would completely merge back into Kasumi as if it never happened. If the bridge keeping them the same was broken, then the second spirit would become different over time, and we'd have a situation like with Ranma, although they'd be so similar that it might be years before they're behaving like 2 separate people, and some intervention would be needed. If the second spirit separated from the body, it'd be like Kasumi suddenly cloned, and one died. Not a true tragedy, but something I'd try to keep from happening to someone nice like Kasumi. After the second Kasumi's soul were freed, it could go to it's reward, or evolve into a different spirit or guardian angel.  
  
"And if the original problem isn't fixed?"  
  
"Then whatever happened that was so bad that Kasumi's soul felt it had to split, would happen."  
  
"So it's a case of looking for the root cause, solving that, and then trying for the best possible results. Before the original problem is completely resolved, we want to prepare things so the souls could merge like the partial nekoken souls merged with those girls."  
  
"Exactly, and though I may have more power and experience, your skills more closely mesh with the gathering of information, and the eventual integration of Kasumi. My brute force solutions, while effective, wouldn't be nearly as pleasant as one you can concoct, so it will fall to you to do the actual work."  
  
Nabiki asks "So how should I find out what the root cause is?"  
  
"Honestly, I haven't any idea. Of course I'll look into this, but consider this a homework assignment.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki was in her room trying to figure out how to determine for what purpose Kasumi's soul-fragment might have served, and how to determine it without years of Freudian psychoanalysis. How could you summon part of someone and ask it some questions?  
  
Treat it like a desire to talk with Kasumi's subconscious. Well, her spoonerisms were alot like Freudian slips, but they didn't fit any pattern. She made them regardless of the conversation's subject, and with out any apparent attempt to form words that made sense.  
  
What's really necessary is to provide a way that the subconscious could theoretically pass a message without the conscious mind getting in the way. Something seemingly random, but controlled. Something like tarot cards, but not so ambiguous.  
  
Suddenly inspiration struck. It'd cost a trivial amount to buy the equipment, and if it worked, it would be worth a hundred times more to her. It was definitely worth a shot.  
  
* * *  
  
Akane returned from her morning spent with friends. "Tadaima."  
  
Kasumi came out of the kitchen, drying her hands "Hi, Akane. Dow was your Hay?"  
  
"Er, fine." Akane answered, "What happened now?  
  
"Mothing, nutch. I'm spuck speaking Stoonerisms. It's wuthing to nerry about."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yo, es! Nologne and Kabiki are working in aught. They say it'll be prow nobblem."  
  
"Where's Ranma?"  
  
"Ranma and Ryouga are darring in the spojo. With Ranma's spew need, Ryouga can't fey a linger on him. Still, Ryouga's a talking wank."  
  
Akane blink-blinks  
  
Kasumi continues "Rinner will be deady in about an hour. I gust met stack to my bouve. I've got two sots on pimmer!"  
  
* * *  
  
Meanwhile, Ryouga had actually wandered off, and Ranma was having great difficulty trying to access emotionless chi. Several times during his meditative kata, he thought he achieved it, when in reality he'd merely accessed the soul of ice. Ran'neko was able to point out that this wasn't what he needed, but was unable to express how the soul of ice differed from true emotionlessness.  
  
Part of Ranma's problem was the skill he already had in manipulating chi, especially internally. His body tried to redirect chi the way it always had before.   
  
Part of Ranma's problem was his introspective nature. Over the years, he had actually developed a talent for staring at a starry sky, and contemplating his life. Unfortunately having no companions but his father, meant that his contemplations inevitably revolved around the question "What should I do next?" and not "What about myself should I change?" Ranma's concentration on action and lack of peers left him without the psychological mechanisms allowing him to make changes to his own thought processes.  
  
Ranma had a basic understanding of the ideas behind Zen Buddhism, heavily colored by his father's scorn for the passive arts. While Ranma practiced a form of "No thought" in his fighting, his acting without conscious thought was still colored by his emotions and desires. Trying to dismiss his desires and emotions seemed like trying to empty a pitcher of water, while sitting at the bottom of a lake. The more he tried, the more emotions he noticed.  
  
Eventually he decided he was doing worse than when he started. In disgust, he abandoned his efforts, and tried to think of another method. He remembered how Cologne originally planned to teach him to use emotionless chi. Cologne thought he might stumble on it using other emotions.   
  
In order to learn his confidence based chi attack, he had to learn Ryouga's attack, although he never had any proficiency with it. However now his goal wasn't to develop a specific attack, but to use as many different emotions, regardless of how much damage they'd do.  
  
Since he was experimenting, he decided to try to summon a mouko takabisha while inside the soul of ice. He was somewhat surprised to find he could, even if it was much less powerful than normal. It was the same color, and behaved the same way, but less chi came to his call.  
  
Next he tried to squeeze out a chi ball without concentrating on any particular emotion, and he succeeded in getting something that wouldn't form a proper projectile, and looked a muddy brown in color, Trying to throw it, looked like trying to throw a handful of water with your fingers spread apart. Chi didn't fly so much as it splat in his hands, having no effect on anything.  
  
Depression, anger, sadness, happiness all produced spheres of various sizes, each a distinct single color, each of which could be thrown. Confidence was easily his strongest emotion and would remain his choice until he mastered emotionlessness, but so far he was emotionlessnessless. While he was contemplating his emotionlessnesslessness, he hit upon the idea of trying to summon a ball using two emotions simultaneously, but instead of the two colors mixing to form a third, the result could best be described as muddy. They didn't combine as light would, but interfered with each other in some odd way. It also completely lacked the cohesion necessary in order to throw it like a ball. It went splat.  
  
Somehow clarity of emotion was necessary, but the soul of ice wasn't sufficient. Whenever he had entered the soul of ice, he found a clarity of thought, untouched by emotions. Yet he had still been able to do the mouko takabisha within the soul of ice, so the soul of ice wasn't emotionlessness, but a separation of emotion from thought. He still felt anger and confidence, but it wasn't affecting his thoughts.  
  
So what he needed wasn't clarity of mind, or any form of mental discipline. He needed peace within his soul, something he couldn't ever remember having. Something he even had trouble picturing. Something that reminded him of Kasumi. Perhaps there was the way he should proceed; Kasumi went through the same weirdness the rest of her family did, how did she maintain her serenity?  
  
Nabiki's calm was more like Ranma's soul of ice. Emotions separated from thought, but still existing. Soun's emotions were like a slightly frozen pond, completely hidden behind a fragile sheet, and spilling all over the place when the sheet was punctured. No, Soun's were more like a water balloon. Akane's were like a storm growing out at sea, building up force before it swept inland, destroying everything in it's wake. So how did Kasumi maintain her calm?   
  
She just accepted everything, and her emotions were swallowed up. She obviously cared, so why didn't things affect her. How were her emotions swallowed up.  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki walked into the kitchen, carrying a small paper bag. "Kasumi, when you have a moment, I'd like to try something with you."  
  
"Nure Shabiki, uts whup?"  
  
"I bought these refrigerator magnets with words on them. You can rearrange them to form silly sentences or haiku, and change them around whenever you feel like it. But before I put them up, I thought it might be fun to see what they'd say if you were to randomly mix them around."  
  
Kasumi and Nabiki talked for a quarter of an hour, while Kasumi stirred the words around, never forming anything but gibberish, until Nabiki was ready to write this idea off as a waste. Eventually Ranma walked in, and asked Kasumi "I've been trying ta learn a new chi attack that isn't based on emotions, and I wondered how you managed to stay so calm while all this craziness goes on around us. How do ya do it?"  
  
Kasumi looks startled at the question, before she smiles and says "I just do." and turns back to her cooking.  
  
Nabiki's face develops a look of shocked horror, as she notices the words on the table. in a space in the center, where all the other words were swept away is the sentence "Help me, please"  
  
* * *  
  
Nabiki drags Ranma away, and snags Akane in passing in order to talk to both of them at the same time. "I think I've got the beginning of an idea about what's causing Kasumi to speak in spoonerisms, and I need to talk to you two to bounce ideas off. Cologne and I are working on the theory that her spoonerisms are a side effect of something else that's been around for years, something beneficial. So we can't safely cure Kasumi until we're sure that the cure wouldn't cause her more harm than good. Ranma's heard this all before, but you haven't." she says to Akane, "Cologne gave a long explanation that made sense to me, but my explanation sums up the part that concerns us. Are you with me so far, Akane?"  
  
"I think so. It's like a medicine's side effect making you drowsy, but you still take it because the disease is worse."  
  
Nabiki answers. "Exactly. So I was trying an experiment to determine what the underlying problem was, and it was failing miserably, until Ranma asked her how she remained calm with all of the insanity going on. Cologne told Ranma that he'd have to learn something close to that to learn a new chi attack, but that's not important right now. What is important, is that while she answered verbally saying 'I just do,' she subconsciously spelled out 'help me, please.'"  
  
Nabiki continues "So I suspect that whatever is making Kasumi talk strangely is tied into maintaining her calm. She's not doing it consciously, and in a madhouse like this it couldn't be maintained accidentally. There isn't alot of evidence so far that this is accurate, but it feels right to me, and matches up with what I've seen. Does this make sense to you two?"  
  
Ranma answers "So Kasumi's calm is not something that could be taught, but due to an oddity of her soul, like the way Hinako-sensei's chi draining abilities are a physical oddity? So why is she speaking oddly now?"  
  
"My guess, based largely on the help message, is that the mechanism is overloaded. Either it can't keep up, or it's actually falling apart. Now, the obvious solution would be to lessen the chaos around here, but this would be disastrous. Every attempt to lessen the insanity made in the past has caused the situation to worsen. Cologne has even mentioned some reasons in the past that this might happen, so whatever you do, don't try to lessen the chaos! And don't mention this conversation to our parents! They'll just use it as an excuse to try to force you two to marry for Kasumi's sake, ignoring the dozen armed people who'd descend upon the house to stop it, and cause even more chaos for Kasumi."  
  
Ranma asks "Are you saying that any attempt I make to simplify things is guaranteed to worsen things? All my attempts to fix the multiple fiancee mess are doomed?"  
  
"I'm afraid so. I'm not saying the problems can't be fixed, but all direct attempts are doomed to failure. It's like Ryouga's direction sense. You might eventually get where you want to go, but if you try to make towards your goal, you'll wind up going away from it. My point is that trying the direct method in this case will do Kasumi more harm than good, and that you should keep this conversation secret, because other people will just try the direct method and cause Kasumi more problems. OK?"  
  
Akane asks "So what should we do then?"  
  
"I'm still working on that. What Kasumi really needs is a better or an additional method of dealing with the insanity. Unfortunately, up until recently, she's been the best in our family at coping."  
  
Ranma interrupts "I was thinking about that before I came in to ask Kasumi. I gotta learn about emotionless chi, and I was thinking how people deal with emotions. Kasumi was the best example, and I had no idea how she does it, so I asked her."  
  
Nabiki frowns "What about me? I don't let my emotions fly loose."  
  
"Naw. I thought of you, but that'd never work. My first try I went into the soul of ice technique that I use for the Dragon Ascension attack. But that wasn't 'No emotion,' that was just separating emotion from thought. Instead of becoming angry, for example, I'd become ice cold furious. When I realized that, I realized it was similar to you. I've seen you get mad. You feel emotions, you just don't let it interfere with you. Kasumi, Cologne, and Tofu are the only people I've seen that just didn't get angry sometimes. With Cologne and Tofu I can chalk it up to experience, but with Kasumi it's something else."  
  
Akane interrupts "How sure are we that Kasumi's problems are even related to this?"  
  
Nabiki answers "Not very. It feels right, and it matches the evidence so far. My next steps are to try to devise a test to see if I'm right, and to talk to Cologne and Tofu to ask about how they think emotions can healthily be handled. If everything checks out, the next step would be to help Kasumi use the new method, and see if the spoonerisms stop. Then we can look into whether the original mechanism Kasumi is using should be retained or healed. Tofu is probably the best choice in detecting the flows of chi in Kasumi if it weren't for his problem. From what I understand, Cologne could detect it, but it might require the use of apparatus, and potions, and be rather cumbersome. So in spite of the difficulty communicating, I think our best bet would be to go with the one who detected the spiritual oddity originally, Ran'neko."  
  
Ranma sighs. "I'll do what I can. Ran'neko likes Kasumi, of course. It's just frustrating. Ran'neko doesn't even seem to think in language. It's harder than it was communicating with people in China, and all this chi stuff is pretty abstract. Ran'neko might have been able to detect it, and I told you about it as well as I could, but you and Cologne had to do most of the work interpreting it."  
  
Akane says "Those girls you gave a bit of the nekoken didn't seem to have any problem communicating with their nekoken."  
  
Nabiki answers "They're in an entirely different boat. Their souls have changed, but they're still one being. The nekoken is connected with their subconscious, and no one communicates directly with their own subconscious. Ranma is one body hosting two souls, and I'm proud that they're able to communicate at all. But one of the souls isn't a human soul at all." Nabiki hmms "Ranma, when Kasumi's all right, remind me to look into ways of improving Ran'neko's comprehension. I won't promise anything at all, but there's things I should check that might help."  
  
Akane laughs. "Two souls, two bodies, two genders, two species. Day by day, Ranma becomes more unique."  
  
Nabiki comments "Don't let the symmetry fool you into thinking there's an easy way to split Ranma into a Male Ranma and a Female Ran'neko in order to cure his curse. I joked about it with Cologne once. Lets just say that the consequences could make Ranma's original learning the nekoken seem tame by comparison."  
  
* * *  
  
Over dinner, Nabiki asked, "Kasumi, have you considered trying to speak in Spoonerisms, so it'll come out sounding normal?"  
  
"I thadent haught of that." She thinks for a moment "You mean, `lake piss?' That's got blight. It's larder that it cooks! Now I seek to be moussing up even Gore! This is incest. tisane. Insane! I think I'll go spack to boonerisms."  
  
* * *  
  
After Dinner, Nabiki is visited by the nekoken-enhanced girls, Miki and Naomi, who seem distraught. "We seem to be acting more and more feline. It's not bad yet, but it keeps increasing. We're worried that it might not stop."  
  
Nabiki thinks for a bit. "I didn't expect any real change after the soul finished merging with you, except for the expected period of acclimatization. From everything I've learned, there's no chance for the soul fragment to take over, or any other kind of doomsday scenario. When we last checked, neither of you had any of the soul fragment remaining separate from the rest of your soul, so there's nothing that could take over. But this wasn't expected, so we'd better look into it to be safe. You two are rather unique, so better safe than sorry. Lets go to the Nekohanten and let Cologne look into this."  
  
After explaining to Cologne, she runs all of the physical and magical tests she had run on the two girls earlier, plus a battery of new magical tests involving ofuda, potions, and some silvery metallic dust. After the last test, her look of concentration has turned into a broad grin. "Well, well. This is quite unexpected, but completely benign."  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Permit me to give you an analogy first, otherwise I doubt the explanation will mean much to you. When you get older, you'll have more experience with people drinking pitcher after pitcher of beer until they need to be carried home. The effects of inebriation are quite widely known, including it's lessening of the drinkers inhibitions. What's less widely known is that the extent of the effect of alcohol is partially social conditioning."  
  
Cologne continues, "An easy experiment can be done, where after the first two pitchers of beer are served, the remaining pitchers contain either low alcohol beer or non-alcoholic beer. Many people will become more and more drunk, the more non-alcoholic beer they drink as long as they believe it's real. The beer gives them an excuse to behave in ways that they couldn't allow themselves to behave sober. Part of it is the placebo effect, but most of it is a psychological expectation. People become braver and brasher because they know that's how they behave inebriated."  
  
"In effect that's what is happening to you two. I've searched for any signs of outside influence, and for any sign of the increase of felinoid nature within your souls. The only real changes are that you can better use the speed increase that you could only access before when you weren't thinking about it.  
  
"You have an excuse to act more feline if you wish to, and so you do. Ultimately you have the ability to decide just how much of yourself you wish to change, but at the very core of it, are natural feelings that you would have had anyway, but have suppressed either due to unconscious fear, or societal conditioning. You have a chance to experiment, and if you find that you don't like the new felinish persona, you should have little difficulty going back to the way you were right after your souls merged."  
  
"On the other hand, some of the restrictions you've been living under will have invariably arose from irrational fears of the unknown. Once these fears are lain to rest, there'd be no reason to go back, as you'll be happier without the self-imposed restraints. Also some of the restraints will be societally imposed, and while you'll have to retain some to avoid being seen as eccentric, some you'll want to discard regardless of what society as a whole might feel."  
  
"For example, women in Japan are considered by many as inferior to men, and women are obliged to restrict their actions in order not to offend. Sometimes you might decide to act demurly so as to not cause trouble, but sometimes you might decide that the situation calls for actions that are considered by the Japanese as manly. In reality, the action is probably best described as humanly, and by doing what society thinks is inappropriate, you'll be acting in the only appropriate manner. Deciding when to obey, and when to discard societies restrictions, isn't easy, of course. It's the biggest lesson left when a young adult begins puberty, and lasts up to their whole life. In a very real sense, the moment someone says 'Now I know the answer, and don't have to learn anymore,' at that point the person stops growing up."  
  
Miki asks "So, these changes are ones we could have decided on by ourselves?"  
  
"Definitely. You might not have been ready to try them right now if it weren't for the soul fragment you've received. But they're a natural part of growing up and experimenting with what type of person you wish to be. When you get to your thirties there's another stage of development you'll have to watch out for, but right now you're in the process of trying to figure out how to go from a child that obeyed its superiors more or less implicitly, to an adult who knows when rules can be broken and when they must be obeyed."  
  
Nabiki asks "What happens at thirty?"  
  
Cologne laughs "That's when you realized that the view of the world you've formed as a new adult is inherently flawed, and that any direction you picked back then is a mistake if you continue it without revision. But whatever you do now, don't worry about being thirty. Just because every path is flawed, doesn't mean you wont be happier if you don't pick one." Cologne turns to Miki and Naomi "You two are free to act as felinoid as you want to be, and free to stop at any time and back up if you've gone too far. In a very real sense that's why society provides this six year period of experimentation before you have to support yourself as an adult. It isn't because children need the education, it's because they need the socialization and the safety net that the family is supposed to provide."  
  
After Naomi and Miki thank Nabiki and Cologne, and leave, Nabiki fills Cologne in on developments with Kasumi, and Nabiki's conversation with Ranma and Akane. Cologne thinks about it, and responds "Good working theory. Even if it turns out to be wrong, it can't harm Kasumi to try it. I've methods I'd use to test your hypothesis, but all of them would require testing in contrived situations. If Ran'neko can communicate its findings, it is your best bet in testing the hypothesis in Kasumi's natural surroundings. Oh, and tell Ranma that talking to Tofu about being calm might help, but if he were to ask me such a general question I'd give him the same advice about meditating that I'd already given him. Don't tell Ranma I said so, but asking Kasumi, even if it hadn't help him, was clever.  
  
* * * 


	4. Chapter 4: The Vivisection of Thought

"A Short Discussion about `The Universe'"  
by Neil Reynolds  
  
Chapter 4: The Vivisection of Thought  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, Dr. Tashikaha. What can I do  
for you?"  
  
"I'm calling you as both a member of the city council, and as the  
responsible adult for the two families living under your roof."  
  
"Yes? Is there a problem?"  
  
"Well, you know I live down the street from you, and I see most of the  
bizarre events that go on around your house. I want to complain about  
the amount of lascivious behavior, implied sex, and outright  
violence!"  
  
"I'm sorry, but you know how hard it is to control so many  
teenagers. I'm doing the best I can!"  
  
"Yes", replied Dr. Tashikaha, "But it wont do. There simply isn't  
enough of it!"  
  
Soun sweat-dropped.  
  
***  
  
Nabiki gathers up the Saotomes and the Tendos. "I'd like to try a  
little test, about a hypothesis about Kasumi's spoonerisms. I ran this  
by Cologne, and she OK'd it as being impossible to hurt Kasumi,  
Therefor, daddy, you don't have to worry at all about this. Kasumi,  
make yourself comfortable. Daddy, you can sit anywhere you like as  
long as your aura of chi doesn't contact Kasumi's."  
  
Nabiki turns to Akane. "You and Mr. Saotome stand near the  
yard. Akane, when I give you instructions later, do them immediately,  
OK?" Nabiki turns to Ranma. "Have you told Ran'neko what to watch out  
for?"  
  
"We're as ready as we'll likely get. You'd better put a hand on my  
shoulder to keep me still, he's in a playful mood. I think he can only  
be sober and serious for a little while. He wants to help, but he's  
easily distracted."  
  
"Ok, Ranma, go into the nekoken, and watch how Kasumi reacts."  
  
After everyone is more or less in place, Nabiki hands Akane a  
mallet. "Akane, remember how the nekoken was taught? Think what it  
must have been like to experience that over and over. Got it?" Akane's  
rage had grown throughout this. She only wordlessly nodded at  
Nabiki. "Good, now be ready to act, the timing is essential."  
  
Everyone poises for the fatal moment. Within the silence, Nabiki's  
almost whispered command carried clearly to all of them. "Akane,  
punish Mr. Saotome."  
  
After the pandemonium dies down, Soun and Kasumi turn to Nabiki. Soun  
asks "What was all that for?"  
  
Nabiki beams "One scene of measured, controlled chaos. Do you realize  
how difficult that can be when chef-assassins and bimorphic schizoid  
are roaming the neighborhood? Kasumi was safe. I needed Ran'neko and  
therefor Ranma as a measuring instrument, so Akane and Genma were the  
chaos. Simple, ne?"  
  
"What does this have to do with Kasumi?"  
  
"I won't know until I pick Ranma's brains over his observations. Let  
Ran'neko romp around the yard a bit more though. It deserves it after  
all the help it's giving us."  
  
Kasumi looks puzzled "You act like you rike Lan'neko, but you keep  
alling cim hit, like he's some ort of sobject."  
  
"Ran'neko is halfway between a small child and a bright pet. It's fun  
to watch how easily it's amused. Ran'neko doesn't have a gender  
yet. or if it does, it's hidden from us. It might eventually evolve  
into a he or a she, but right now, it's without even tertiary sexual  
characteristics. Ranma can't help but think of it as a male, but I  
want to allow it as much freedom to develop as it will, so I'm  
avoiding gender pronouns."  
  
"Still, using 'it' keems awfully sold."  
  
"You can try to avoid it by using pronouns like 'they' or 'one', but  
that's awkward. I think it's best to stick with 'it' and show Ran'neko  
that I don't consider it furniture. Besides, it's pre-verbal. It only  
responds to words because Ranma hears them, and it picks up emotional  
cues from Ranma."  
  
"That just shifts the sloblem prightly. Now you need to make sure  
Thanma doesn't rink you're righting Slan'neko."  
  
"I don't think that'll be a problem any time soon."  
  
***  
  
Nabiki relays the information to Cologne. "Near as we can figure it,  
when Akane started attacking Mr. Saotome, his face was priceless,  
Ran'neko noticed a surge of emotions, and a pumping of chi due to  
this. Some, or maybe alot of the colored chi was drained into this  
aberration of Kasumi's soul, after which the aberration was changed in  
some way, and nothing flowed back out. I suggested that the aberration  
might be swollen, like a bladder holding it, but Ranma said that that  
wasn't really right, although he couldn't say why. He did say chi  
didn't really behave like a fluid, but that treating it like a fluid  
was the easiest way to talk about it."  
  
Cologne chuckles "He's right there. Chi isn't some incompressible  
fluid, so the bladder analogy is probably off. I'd suspect the anomaly  
is more akin to a kidney or liver, removing and conditioning the chi  
like the organ's recondition human blood, instead of a bladder  
separating out unwanted materials for later expulsion. I checked  
pretty thoroughly, and the anomaly isn't living off of her chi. If it  
absorbs chi then at some point it is returning it."  
  
"I've got some problems understanding this body/chi/spirit thing. Sure  
I've got proof that all three exist, and I can accept on principles  
that this applies to me, and that I have a soul or spirit that exists  
independently from my body, but interacts with it. But if the soul can  
think, and can exist separately from the body, if it can experience  
things after death, and possibly go somewhere for processing, then  
what purpose does the brain serve? It can't just be five pounds of  
gristle."  
  
"You'd think more religions would discuss this sort of thing, Still  
when Paul was trying to pass on his impression of Christ's teachings,  
people thought that the liver was essential for thought, so I guess it  
isn't odd that this is glossed over."  
  
Cologne continues, "There's still quite alot we don't know or  
understand about the processes, but while western science has done a  
better job probing how the brain works, our understanding more closely  
meshes with what's going on at a non-physical level."  
  
"The first thing you must understand is that thought, and especially  
self awareness is not a simple process, but a jumble of different  
things all going on at once, and affecting each other. Any explanation  
which tries to map these types of cogitation to a small set of types  
is doomed to be inaccurate, while any explanation which treats them  
all differently is too clumsy to be useful. We make up classifications  
like Freud's 'id', 'ego', and 'superego' as an aid in understanding,  
but that doesn't imply that anyone could separate things out  
completely that way. All of the divisions of types of thought I'll  
suggest are merely useful only insofar as they help clarify  
things. They're a guide, but not a description of reality."  
  
Cologne chuckles, "Bounding the whole process of cogitation into one  
word 'thought' is alot like bounding myriad emotions under the heading  
'love.' 'Love' is merely a group heading for a huge collection of  
feelings including attraction, jealousy, possessiveness, caring,  
desire to protect, passion, amicability, lust, admiration, empathy,  
respect, and a thousand other feelings that we have towards  
others. 'Love' covers so many emotions that the statement 'I love you'  
contains almost no information at all. The important message is  
conveyed in the way it is said, the words mean almost nothing."  
  
"You can almost picture the same conversation and the same  
understanding if different words were used, can't you? Two passionate  
movie-star lovers rush across the screen, fall into each other's  
arms. He looks her in the eyes, and says 'Fried chicken for dinner.'  
The type and intensity of the caring is conveyed through the way it's  
said, not with what's said."  
  
Nabiki interrupts "Much as I like discussing Romance, I see what you  
mean about 'love' and 'thought' being umbrella terms for a huge number  
of different types of things. But we were talking about thought as it  
pertained to the soul and the brain?"  
  
"Quite right. Very roughly speaking, The brain and the soul are  
responsible for different kinds of thought. In addition, souls tend to  
be resistant to change. The brain also serves as a feedback device for  
modifying one's soul. That's their relationship at it's crudest  
level."  
  
"If you believe that we evolved to our present state, either through  
random chance or natural selection, or you believe we're the result of  
an evolutionary design process by a higher being, the brain's primary  
function is the manipulation of the body. For example we need to  
breath regularly. This insanely difficult task is handed by a  
subroutine, or sub-ganglion created pre-natally specifically for this  
task. When someone learns a new martial arts move and internalizes it,  
they're making a sub-processor to handle it. When the raw data comes  
in from the eyes, the first few steps are performed long before the  
rest of the brain gets a chance to look at it. When Ryouga shouts for  
the millionth time 'Ranma, this is all your fault' all this is done  
purely mechanically by the brain, and the soul is barely touched if at  
all."  
  
"All of this processing has an effect on the thought processes, and  
insofar as all people are similar, they have similar effects on our  
thoughts. This is what Jung referred to as a collective  
unconsciousness. It doesn't suggest that they're all connected in some  
way, it means that the effects on my thoughts due to my breathing  
processes are the same as the effects on you. In this way we share a  
common part of our subconscious thoughts. Subconscious because they  
arise out of the physical body, will I, nill I."  
  
"Most of one's actions throughout the day are performed automatically  
by the brain. In fact many of the things we think we've decided on are  
done automatically, and an excuse is thought up afterwords to explain  
it. Most of the time, this is the true answer to the rhetorical  
statement 'How could I have been so stupid'"  
  
"Logical thought is still a huge umbrella term, but most of it could  
be done either in the soul, or in the brain, but the brain is much  
much better at it. So for creatures that have both, the brain does  
most of it. However this doesn't imply that incorporeal creatures are  
incapable of it. In practice any being has as much logical strength as  
they are willing to develop, whither it be brain or soul."  
  
"Inspiration, hypothesis, and leaps of thought are solely the purview  
of the soul, with the exception of hunches based on inexact sensory  
data. As Hamlet says 'In action, how like an angel, in apprehension,  
how like a god.' The soul contains the divine spark that provides  
those moments when we exceed our intellectual capacities to achieve  
something new. The brain as a whole could endlessly rearrange past  
things to try out all combinations, the soul is where brand new  
non-derivative ideas come from."  
  
For example, when you wake up on a school morning, you start on your  
morning routine, doing the same things you've done hundreds of times  
before. All of this can be done solely by the brain, not even  
bothering the soul for thinking power. At the same time, your soul  
might be daydreaming, engaged in an almost completely separate process  
of thought than the brain. As your on your way to school, your soul  
might ask itself the question 'What would happen if I didn't go to  
class?' The brain would probably be responsible for tallying up the  
pros and cons, and possible repercussions. The soul could do this kind  
of processing, but the brain is much better suited to doing it, so  
those beings with a usable brain, usually use the brain for this kind  
of thought. The brain would throw up some scenarios, and the soul  
would allow you to flesh out these possibilities as visions. Say for  
the sake of argument that the balance between the pros and cons is  
about the same. Then the decision would be made through a conflict  
between the brain and the soul. The soul would be pushing for doing  
the unusual, and the brain would be in favor of going to class, and  
returning to it's normal routine.  
  
This covers most kinds of thought, except memory. Memory is still  
largely a mystery to us. We do know that when a body and soul split,  
both the soul and the body retain memories, in some cases keeping the  
memories redundantly in both the soul and body. Some memories seem to  
be lost in the split, but that might be due to normal forgetfulness,  
or it may be tied into the mechanism that protects people from  
drowning in years of memories, or reliving horrible events.  
  
What do you mean by drowning in memories?  
  
Imagine you recalled everything you remembered in the last 16 years,  
and tried to think about it all at once. The brain and the soul are  
ill equipped to handle years compressed into an instant, so the brain  
blocks all but short term memories from flooding the person's  
awareness. At the same time, the soul goes fishing in the backlog of  
memories, and holds them up to view to see if there's anything there  
that applies to the current situation. This can often be called  
daydreaming, but it occurs somewhat even when you are  
concentrating. People with eidetic memories just have a more refined  
memory block that allows more of each memory into the brain, they  
don't seem to have any difference from normal people when it comes to  
actually storing memories.  
  
How the brain selects a memory based on an association with something  
the brain or the soul is thinking about is a mystery, although it is  
believed to be related to how the memories are actually stored. In  
this matter I think modern science may well come up with the correct  
answer long before mystics do.  
  
If everyone stores memories the same way, but eidetic people use a  
different method of recalling things, is there a way using magic to  
completely recall things?  
  
Cologne chuckles "There definitely are. I have a ritual I do involving  
potions, incense and a trance that I perform when I need that  
ability. Unfortunately that method will almost definitely fail for  
you. As you have some strength in dealing with spirits, you might be  
able to make a contract with your own spirit to do this, but I'd  
strongly recommend against this. Having one's soul make a contract  
with itself has many far reaching implications. Your best bet would be  
to craft something, or make a deal with something that can do it for  
you. Something like the necklace you made for Ranma that maintained  
the happy feelings of associating with cats, but dealing with memory  
is much harder than emotions. Objects retain emotions easily, but they  
don't remember. Or if they do remember, then they do so without eyes  
and ears, so their memories are not too useful.  
  
What about stories of people reading the past out of items they touch?  
  
Well, many items that we deem exceptional take on a sort of  
proto-spirit. For example, there's a spirit within your dojo that was  
born when it started to be cared for. This can store memories. This  
spirit is probably not even self aware, and less intelligent than a  
fish, but it can remember. This is what's contacted when someone reads  
the past from an item. Also items that were made from living things  
might have something of the original's memories. These are probably  
not useful to recall, but they might add potency to the item crafted  
if the memories corresponded to the item's use. That's one of the  
reasons feathers are often used in spells involving flight.  
  
So I might one day achieve flight?  
  
Probably not without trickery. Imagine how much power it would take to  
fly with a rocket pack. A straight forward method of flying would  
require the equivalent amount of magic. But there are a number of ways  
around this problem, dealing with the nature of time and space, and  
Newtonian physics. If you want to fly, we'll discuss it at length some  
other time.  
  
One other thing you have to remember about thought is that the brain  
is an analogue computing engine, and therefor subject to the same kind  
of chaos theory that is used in Mandelbrot drawings. We don't know  
what kind of engine the soul uses at all. That's one of the reasons  
it's referred to as the divine spark living within us, it operates in  
ways we can only observe and guess at, never model or understand it.  
  
The importance of the brain's analogue nature is subtle, but far  
reaching. A digital computer operates in a deterministic nature. Given  
the same setup, the same output is returned every time. However an  
analogue computer is subject to an infinite number of states at any  
one time. It's good for fast computations, but without the certainty  
of the digital model. A program to produce a cloud will always produce  
a similar cloud if given the same input parameters, but each cloud  
will be subtly different. This is one of the reasons that people will  
always do something unpredictable. The other reasons are based on the  
theories of Goedel and Waite, and are unnecessary for this  
discussion.  
  
Can you give me a brief summary of those theories?  
  
Alright. Goedel suggested that any system is too complicated to be  
solely explained within itself. This implies that any brain is too  
complicated to be understood by that brain. You could never remember  
the state of each neuron, and predict it's future. Waite said that for  
every machine there is a process which the machine could execute, that  
the machine couldn't figure out if it would ever end. That the only  
way to know would be to run it, and wait for it to end. Their  
applications to human thought is difficult, but it does exist. The  
brain is set up to make decisions based on only possessing some of the  
needed information, it is not set up to find the right solution, as  
this could only be determined with all of the information, which it  
never has.  
  
***  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, Dr. Tashikaha. What can I do  
for you?"  
  
"Please don't call me Doctor anymore. I've put aside that title, and  
assumed a new one more in fitting with my life."  
  
"I'm sorry, what would you prefer to be called?"  
  
"I'm now Archbishop Tashikaha of Nerima. It's a bestowed title, as I  
don't have a degree in theology."  
  
"Really. Well congratulations. Who bestowed it on you?"  
  
"Oh, I did, last night. I heard the voices, you see. There was a  
shortage of bushes in my apartment, so it would have been  
inappropriate for the holy ghost to speak to me from inside a burning  
bush, you see."  
  
"So where did the voices come from?"  
  
"My dishwasher, of course. It said `Go forth, and spread the new  
gospel to all who will listen.'"  
  
"And what was the gospel?"  
  
"I've no idea, the rinse cycle finished then. I'll have to get back to  
you on that."  
  
"I see. Why did you call me about this?"  
  
"Oh, well the reason I called is indirectly related. Only slightly  
related, you see. I know you have an excellent speaking voice that can  
be heard across a huge room if necessary. I've seen you at council  
meetings and such."  
  
"Why, thank you."  
  
"I was wondering if... Well, after I get a hall to rent, ... I don't  
want to impose, but I was wondering if you'd ..."  
  
"Please go ahead."  
  
"Would you mind... Calling out bingo numbers on Saturday evenings?"  
  
***  
  
Ranma enters Dr. Tofu's clinic to get some advice from the youngest  
calm person he could find after Kasumi's useless answer(useless to  
Ranma, even if it was helpful to Nabiki's diagnostics). "Dr. Tofu, I  
need help learning to use emotionless chi. The 'soul of ice' isn't  
true emotionlessness, and I can't seem to use chi without  
emotions. How do you manage to be so calm most of the time?"  
  
Tofu smiles, "Most of it is due to experience. Seeing how things  
resolved in the past, makes it easier to remain calm in the present."  
  
Ranma asks "So what do you suggest I try?"  
  
"I think you'd have better luck if first you mastered some of the  
Hindu forms of meditation linked with Buddhism. Through meditation it  
is possible to consciously pump chi through the body without using  
emotions. The exercise is to move chi, through the seven chakra within  
the body, from the base of the spine to the crown of your head. If you  
can master moving chi through your body without using emotion to pump  
it, then you can more easily work on creating emotionless chi."  
  
"But I move chi through my body all the time when I fight. I've done  
it for years."  
  
"What you have to understand is that chi is continually flowing  
through your body, and it is the flow of chi, not the chi itself that  
you use to strengthen your muscles or to heal your  
wounds. Acupuncture, shiatsu, and moxibustion all work on the  
principle of modifying the flow of chi through the body. Your mouko  
takabisha works on a completely different principle."  
  
Tofu continues "When you feel strong emotion, the flow of your chi  
changes, and forms a reservoir or pool of chi. Your attack draws off  
of this more concentrated chi, and thrusts it outward. Without the  
emotions, at your level of ability, you'd have to shut off the flow of  
chi in one part of your body in order to dam up your chi to form the  
chi pool. Such a method could easily hurt you, and in a serious fight  
would almost surely mean your death or defeat.  
  
"The pumping and storing chi in different parts of your body is a side  
effect of the emotions you are undergoing at the time, and affects the  
reservoir that you plan to fire off.  
  
"This exercise is to move your chi through your body, as a pool,  
regardless of the emotions you're feeling, which is a different skill  
altogether from the regulating of the flow of chi that you're doing  
when you fight. The chi you'll be moving will be tainted by whatever  
emotions you're currently feeling, and will want to run to the parts  
of your body where your emotions would naturally pump it. If you can  
achieve this level of control, you should be able to throw a chi ball  
without focusing on a particular emotion.  
  
"Once you have achieved that, then you should return to a Japanese Zen  
Buddhist school of meditation in order to learn to create truly  
emotionless chi. You'll be attempting to enter into the state often  
called "no mind" where you are completely focused on the present, and  
the past and future have no meaning.  
  
Ranma looks worried. "I'm trying to create a new attack. Does this  
mean I wont be able to use it unless I can meditate during a battle?"  
  
"No. But you'll need the meditation to do it in the beginning, until  
you get a feel for manipulating emotionless chi. With practice, you'll  
be able to manipulate it while feeling strong emotions by either  
filtering out the impurities or by using the chi that isn't affected  
by your current emotions. But this is impossible until you know what  
it feels like, so to do it at the beginning will require the  
strengthening of the unused mental muscles used for moving chi, and it  
will require that you only have chi unaffected by emotions.  
  
"The first part is like learning to wiggle your ears. Anyone can do  
it, but until you figure out how, and can do it on command, your  
ear-wiggling muscles are largely unused, and weak. The second part is  
like learning the hiryuu shoten ha, that's an exercise of the mind and  
spirit. Together they should help you achieve your goal."  
  
Ranma asks "How come Ran'neko can do it so easily?"  
  
"He probably does it instinctively, like a rabbit moving its  
ears. Humans have to do it the hard way."  
  
***  
  
Nabiki asks Cologne "So what do you recommend we do for Kasumi?"  
  
"The ideal change would be a gradual change over months or years,  
where through counseling, Kasumi would learn better ways of  
channeling her negative emotions. This aberration Kasumi has acquired  
has probably saved her from worse psychological problems. People  
naturally experience negative emotions, and it is impossible to  
dismiss them without hurting yourself.  
  
"It is possible, in fact for some it is easy, to ignore negative  
emotions to the point that eventually you don't even feel anger or  
frustration. But the truth is that you still feel the emotions, and  
wind up directing the emotions against yourself. The better you get at  
being perfect for others, the more you're likely to turn to self  
loathing, or self abuse.  
  
"I knew a large male amazon, who endeavored to make himself the  
perfect person. The idea of defeating someone for love was abhorrent  
to him. He believed that if he improved himself continuously, he'd  
eventually be asked for a date, in spite of the minor flaws in his  
appearance. I think he always considered himself unattractive, even  
though he really wasn't.  
  
"For years he worked to be unassuming, understanding, and to never act  
in anger towards someone who didn't deserve it. He was always willing  
to offer advice to help other people form relationships, sometimes  
acting as a crying post for both sides of a relationship. He would  
always deprecate himself, while he worked to improve his mind, and his  
spirit, believing that eventually someone would look beyond his  
surface and seek him out. In truth many couples valued him, but they  
were always in love with someone else."  
  
"He was always somewhat melancholy, but he never regarded it as  
odd. He never regarded this as odd until much later when the rest of  
his life fell into place, when he realized that the sadness was  
unlinked to the events of his life. Over time that he became a better  
and better person, the lower his self-esteem would go. He looked upon  
an unachievable perfection and felt guilty for every time he fell  
short.  
  
"He turned to eating, not due to physical hunger, but as a means of  
enjoyment, or filling the hole he saw inside him. Maybe it was a  
self-inflicted damage, or an attempt to make himself less attractive,  
to explain his lack of girlfriend. Withdrawing from people to avoid  
the feelings of rejection coming from being alone in a crowd. You  
could spit on him, and he wouldn't feel anger. His first reaction  
would have been sadness. It took him several minutes of deliberation  
to get mad.  
  
"When the extent of the damage was realized, it took him years to  
learn to feel and admit anger. It went against everything he stood  
for. It was only after relearning anger that it was possible to  
attempt to do something about the nearly bottomless pool of misery.  
  
"Luckily Kasumi has this oddity of the soul that has dispersed the  
emotions, instead of letting them strike like daggers into her  
subconscious. Now that it cannot cope, the effect is spoonerisms. The  
overflow could have been directed inward and caused her further  
problems."  
  
Nabiki interrupts "So is there anything we can do that'd help her  
right away? Or should we just put up with it while she seeks outside  
advice? We'll put up with the oddity if it's good for Kasumi, but if  
there is something we can do right away before it starts to hurt  
her..."  
  
"There are several things. Shiatsu to prevent all of the negative  
emotions to enter the oddity. A potion of mine that'd prevent her from  
ignoring her own anger. Some breakable things to allow Kasumi to vent  
anger like Akane smashes bricks. For a few months, her mood will swing  
rapidly, as her subconscious learns to deal with the changes. Not  
unlike the mood swings women experience during PMS or advanced  
pregnancy. She will lose control of her emotions from time to time.  
  
Cologne continues, "This is just as it should be. After a few months  
her personality would stabilize, at which point you could define her  
as being perfectly cured."  
  
Nabiki asks "How do you think I should break this to the whole group?  
I know for a fact that Genma hasn't the brains or the empathy to  
understand half of what you told me."  
  
"Kasumi needs to hear the whole truth, or she'll feel unnecessary  
guilt. Also anyone she would want to confide with should understand  
the truth. Invite her over, and I'll tell her everything I just told  
you, plus a few other stories. Everyone else neither needs nor could  
make use of the whole story. Just convince them that Kasumi has been  
like a spring bending under every slight since the age of six, which  
now needs to be released a bit at a time. That way they'll understand  
that every time she over-reacts, the extra anger is still their fault  
for past events she ignored."  
  
***  
  
Nabiki acquired several crates of chipped, cheap plates that Kasumi  
could smash whenever she liked. Kasumi hated the idea of snapping on  
her family, but she could intellectually understand the  
necessity. Kasumi was pleased to learn that when she was cured, she'd  
always be more accepting and understanding of others than people in  
general. The oddity of the soul she had, meant that she'd always have  
a calmer emotional state, but she couldn't go through life being  
totally calm, without achieving enlightenment, or becoming a  
bodhisattva.  
  
The shiatsu went without event. The potion was drinkable, since  
Cologne added a huge amount of sugar. The spoonerisms disappeared  
immediately.  
  
***  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, Archbishop. What can I do for  
you?"  
  
"I'm no longer an Archbishop. You see, I learned that religion is  
merely opium f or the masses. A tool to keep the common herd in order  
for the ruling class to maintain control. Unfortunately you can get  
into alot of trouble distributing opium for the masses."  
  
"I see. Shall I refer to you as doctor, then?"  
  
"Oh no. I'm now Colonel Tashikaha. Leader of the army, and of The Free  
People's Republic Of The Corner Of Mori Street And Ume Avenue."  
  
"I see. Your house is now a free people's republic?"  
  
"Yes. I seized power, and imposed a communist dictatorship over myself  
and my dog Wuffles."  
  
"Riiiight. What can I do for you, Colonel?"  
  
"Well seeing as you're on the council I thought you could advise me  
who to contact."  
  
"I'll try. What's the problem?"  
  
"Who do I contact to get an ambassador from Japan to move in here, and  
who do I bribe to make sure it's a young female?"  
  
***  
  
Ranma manages to find Nabiki while everyone else are occupied, to ask  
her one of the things that had been bothering him. "You said that I  
couldn't solve this mess my life is in; why can't I?"  
  
Nabiki pauses, and comes up with an analogy. "Ranma, you're familiar  
with the idea of looking at things as if they were a fight, right?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"Well, now I want you to look at your relationships as if it were a  
knot."  
  
"I don't get it."  
  
"Imagine each person was a string, and they all came together in a  
horrendous tangle. Now if you wanted to remove the knot there are  
several methods that you could try. The simplest would be to try to  
pull one of the strands free. If it worked, you'd have a simpler knot,  
and an easier time untangling the rest."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"This would be like trying to get one person out of this tangle of  
lives surrounding you. Say for example, If you could convince Mousse  
to go home. Unfortunately you can't pull any of the strings out of the  
knot, because it's too tangled. In fact the harder you pull, the  
tighter the tangle becomes. Another thing you could try is to cut the  
unimportant threads. Cut enough threads and you could untangle the  
important ones. But in this case, the threads are people's lives and  
happiness. It's obvious that you aren't willing to do that if it's at  
all possible."  
  
"Right."  
  
"Well, there's a third way to untie tangles. It's not guaranteed to  
work, but it makes most knots easier to untangle. You try to loosen  
the tangle, not by pulling on any of the obvious strings, but by  
pulling random strings slightly, stopping if it makes the knot worse,  
and then trying something unrelated again."  
  
"To loosen your knot, you have to stir up change in the people  
involved, without bringing new people into the knot. You have to do  
things by yourself and with others that you've never tried  
before. Things unrelated to romance and honor. And you have to keep  
doing different things, because no one thing will work."  
  
"I don't see how that'd help."  
  
"Let me put it another way. You've got a dozen people trying to get  
you to do what they want, and they all have a grip on you. You've  
reached a state that if you do nothing, nothing changes because the  
rest are working against each other. But if you try to break out, they  
all agree you shouldn't and push you back to your initial  
state. You're strong enough to get out, but not without hurting  
anybody, which is why you're still trapped. Stop struggling to break  
out, and work on changing the people. Develop a hobby. Walk on your  
hands for a day. Stop making an effort to oppose people. I'm not  
saying give into their demands, but put them off for later  
worry. Become a different Ranma, and encourage others to grow and  
change too. It's not guaranteed to work, but it is likely to make the  
knot easier to untangle later."  
  
"I think I understand what you're saying, but it doesn't make sense to  
me."  
  
"Your problem is such that trying to fix it causes it to worsen. Try  
to do small things that don't directly involve your problem to see how  
the web might loosen"  
  
"Why are you telling me all this if you're one of the people who has a  
grip on me? Aren't you afraid I'll slip out of your grasp?"  
  
"With the way things are tangled, I can't do anything either. Besides,  
if you follow my advice, the first players to be pulled out of the  
knot, are those who can't understand that you're changing. I'm already  
watching for that, so it wont be me." Nabiki grins "Not unless you do  
something really unexpected, like turn into a girl when splashed with  
water."  
  
"Sometimes I don't know whither to laugh or seethe at your jokes."  
  
"There's often only a very thin line between laughing and crying,  
Saotome."  
  
***  
  
Nabiki asked Cologne, "Is it true that 'Any sufficiently advanced form  
of science is indistinguishable from magic.'?"  
  
Cologne thinks a bit on how to explain the difference. "The reason for  
the inherent separation of science and magic goes back primarily to  
Newton and Descartes, but also to the Greek and Egyptians. Rather one  
could say that Descartes independently hit upon the idea after  
centuries of neglect. Science is concerned with an ever increasing  
precision of our beliefs about reality as it nears actual reality.  
  
"It is interesting to note that science has yet to fulfill this goal,  
and it is widely suspected that this goal may be unobtainable. This  
lack of precision is why so many beliefs are termed as "theories". It  
is not because these beliefs are wrong, but because there might be  
more to it than initially supposed. Both magic and science make use of  
the scientific method, which is a method of experimentation designed  
to always provide better answers to why things happen. Better in this  
case meaning that our predictions match what actually happens.  
  
"The scientific method works as follows. You make an educated guess as  
to how things really work. This is called the hypothesis. Then you  
create a test which proves or disproves the hypothesis. Finally you  
run the test, and if it works, the hypothesis is now a theory. If it  
fails, the hypothesis is called nonsense. While this method has some  
flaws, particularly in the stage of creating new hypotheses, the  
testing stage guarantees that each iteration of creating a new theory,  
creates a more accurate theory.  
  
"The difference between science and magic rests on Descartes'  
contribution to the scientific method. He said for an experiment to be  
valid, it must be repeatable, and it must not depend on whom is  
conducting the experiment.  
  
"These are perfectly reasonable requirements, and have brought us all  
of the advantages of medical and scientific knowledge since the start  
of the renaissance. Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way.  
  
"As was shown when the question on the nature of light was first  
explored, whether light was a wave, or a photon, the nature of the  
observer making the measurements affects the result. Likewise magic  
works differently depending on who is casting it.  
  
"Scientists have known for the last century that Descartes'  
requirements were wrong in explaining reality, But they are such  
powerful tools, that most of the discoveries in the last century were  
made using it. The only places it fails are the quantization of  
energy, dealing with parts of atoms, things traveling at near light  
speed, and of course magic.  
  
"Had Einstein, or someone else, actually discovered a unified field  
theorem to explain the interactions of different types of energy  
fields, and how they are generated by matter, then physicists would be  
well on their way to incorporating magic into science. In that case,  
they'd only have missed the existence of spirits manipulating the  
world. In fact, science would be able to prove the existence of  
Kami. Unfortunately this is still beyond us.  
  
"Descartes' tools are so useful, it is often easier to study magic  
using a relaxed set of these rules. Certainly we want  
reproducibility. Who'd want a spell that behaves different each  
time. But taking into account the differences in whom is casting the  
spell, and whom is being affected, what kind of magic is being cast,  
what items are being used, which spirits are involved, and so on, we  
can study magic scientifically and reach an improved understanding how  
things work.  
  
"This method is inherently flawed in reaching a true understanding of  
the nature of existence, just as the Cartesian scientific method is  
flawed. But even with a flawed scientific method we've gone from  
teletype machines to computers, our flawed magical method is very  
useful in learning magic.  
  
"Just don't rely on normal spells while traveling at the speed of  
light. Also quantum tunneling teleportation is more trouble than it's  
worth."  
  
Nabiki notices the lecture is winding down, "That's an interesting  
lecture, but how does it apply to my learning magic?"  
  
"Well, unless you plan to study the nature of reality itself, and  
expand on the corpus of mystical knowledge, not alot."  
  
"So why place so much emphasis on it?"  
  
"I've effectively described the methods of a physicist, or a  
thaumologist, whereas you want to become the equivalent of an  
engineer, or in other words a magic user. The engineer takes the  
results of the physicist, and uses it to construct something, whether  
it's a computer or a bridge. A knowledge of what physicists have done,  
and how they do it is necessary for an engineer. Without it, they're  
just craftsmen.  
  
"Likewise you can craft spells without an understanding as to how  
things work, by guessing, and making it good enough. But without an  
understanding of the underlying principles, the highest you could  
aspire to is the magical equivalent of building a chair. With the  
understanding, you could construct the equivalent of a computer, or  
better."  
  
"So everything I've done with Ranma's Nekoken..."  
  
"Is the equivalent of a well done amateur crafts project. You know  
enough to do more and greater things, with a lessening success rate as  
you become too ambitious. And you'll need the insights gained from  
this in order to study magic. But by learning alot of trivia, you can  
expand your ambitions, and through tedious scientific work, you can  
expand your limits up to the point where the magical scientific method  
breaks down."  
  
"And those borders are?"  
  
"Wild magic, and spells involving beings whose thought patterns we  
can't comprehend. And you'll want to avoid those beings if you can  
help it at all. They're by definition unpredictable, and therefor  
dangerous in proportion to how much power they have."  
  
"So in terms of this, I'm an apprentice craftsman, with a very limited  
supply of raw materials, living in an area where there are few of us,  
and potentially a great need, but no demand as almost no one believes  
we exist. If I can come up with something simple, and cheap to make,  
say a simple ritual that fixes some small problem, then it's merely a  
matter of advertising."  
  
"Advertising magic in this day and age is also problematical, but yes,  
that sums it up. You're homework for this lesson, think up several  
types of rituals you think you could make, and a rough sales plan for  
each of them."  
  
***  
  
"Now that dinner is over" Kasumi announced, "we need to discuss the  
increasing levels of housework that need doing around here. I can no  
longer handle all of the chores that no one else bothers to do, so I  
will start apportioning out tasks based on the amount of free time  
each of you seems to have, on the amount your actions disturb the Wa  
of this household, and based on the amount of housework you generate."  
  
Soun interrupts "You're right, we should discuss how to relieve you of  
some of your burdens."  
  
Kasumi silences her father, "You can discuss it at length later, if  
you wish. I'm assigning new tasks now. You and Mr. Saotome have the  
most free time, and have created the problems that generate the most  
discord through your insistence on the family merger, and your refusal  
to do anything about it but shouting and blackmail. As the supposedly  
responsible adults you also bear the greatest responsibility." Kasumi  
hands them both slips of paper. "These are your new chore schedules."  
  
Soun comments, "Now, Kasumi. Saotome is our guest. You can't ask him  
to do housework."  
  
"If his chores aren't done, I will not cook for him. You should be  
able to do both lists daddy, if you feel that strongly about it. If  
you refuse this new arrangement, I will simply refuse to put all the  
effort into this house that I have for so long." Kasumi hands Ranma,  
Akane, and Nabiki shorter lists. "I've tried to make these fit your  
skills, and make them as quick as possible. Furthermore I'm issuing a  
blanket rule. If someone breaks something because they've been sent  
flying, the person who sent them flying is responsible. Everyone here  
should be skilled enough to beat up anyone they like without causing  
damage to the surroundings. This applies to the various people who  
drop over. If they cannot obey the house rules, then they are no  
longer welcome here. Nabiki is in charge of making sure visitors clean  
up after their rampages, and Ranma is responsible for telling the  
Kunos, amazons, and Ukyou about this. Akane is in charge of the dojo,  
as she's going to inherit it. The kitchen is mine!"  
  
***  
  
Author's note:  
  
The scenes involving Dr. Tashikaha loosely inspired by the two  
comedians Kenneth Horne and Kenneth Williams. I recently had the  
pleasure to discover recordings of their 1960's British radio  
programs. 


	5. Chapter 5: Christmas Spirits Are Not Wha...

"A Short Discussion about `The Universe'"  
by Neil Reynolds  
  
Chapter 5: Christmas Spirits Are Not What You Drink.  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, Colonel. What can I do for you?"  
  
"I'm no longer a Colonel. You see, the people have risen, and demanded  
democracy and freedom from The Free People's Republic Of The Corner Of  
Mori Street And Ume Avenue. Revolution was in the air, so I opened the  
government to the vote."  
  
"Revolution?"  
  
"Yes, this morning Wuffles jumped onto my bed, and nearly scared me to  
death. I was dreaming about Ingred Bergman, and when I opened my eyes,  
there was Wuffles' face, instead."  
  
"I guess you were shocked."  
  
"I'll say. I just kissed her goodbye, and she was going to leave me  
for Victor Lazlo! Anyway I decided that it was time for  
democracy. `One man, one vote,' which does sort of leave Wuffles out  
in the cold. Women can't vote, but that's only because I'm hoping some  
suffrogets will show up soon."  
  
"One should never abandon their dreams of glory."  
  
"Oh no. My dream of glory involves Lauren Bacal and a defeated Sydney  
Greenstreet."  
  
"Ok, why'd you call today?"  
  
"Can you come over Tuesday? I'm having a civil war then. It'll be  
brother against brother to decide the future of the  
republic. Unfortunately my brother's in Oshika, and can't make it that  
day."  
  
"I'll have to get back to you on that."  
  
***  
  
Cologne begins another lesson for Nabiki. "Well, there are several  
branches you can take to find allies in the spirit realm. The most  
important thing to remember is that you cannot count on the  
forgetfulness of people. If you do something wrong there, you might  
find absolution, but never forgetfulness. For this reason, it is  
common to meditate for weeks before doing something that involves the  
spirit realm.  
  
"But you aren't likely to spend a month contemplating an idea until  
the extent of the idea becomes clear in your mind. You're more of an  
intellectual bent. Keep in mind that you're going to have screwed up  
in some way by this time next year, and try to make it a minor one."  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence"  
  
"Don't misunderstand me, you'll do better than most. But if you ever  
get into the habit of thinking you're on top of the world, and doing  
the absolute right thing, then you're doomed. Unlike Ranma going into  
battle sure that he'll win, you have to enter dealings with the spirit  
world knowing you'll eventually say "It seemed like a good idea at the  
time" and having to pay the unforeseen consequences."  
  
"A situation where if it goes right, nobody notices, and when you  
screw up everyone knows?"  
  
"More or less. When dealing with the spirit world, think twice, plan  
for if it goes wrong, and leave something in reserve for when your  
plans fall through. If at all possible, be honest about the faults  
inherent in you, and you'll be seen as someone trying to improve,  
rather than a flawed piece of refuse. There are relatively few beings  
who will be able to spot what you're thinking just from looking at  
your soul, but there'll be alot of beings who can spot what type of  
person you are. They might not know how you sinned, but they can tell  
if you sinned."  
  
"Is there such a thing as sins?"  
  
"We'll discuss the nature of metaphysical judgment some other  
time. Like all the things we talked about, the truth is more  
complicated than a yes or no answer. Suffice it to say that if you met  
CAT, it could tell how you treated cats without having to look it up,  
so try to avoid meeting the spirit of influenza and things like that.  
  
"There are many ties you could make with the spirit world. Ranma's  
co-habitation with Ran'neko is merely one of the odder ones. The  
simplest is to form some bond with a more powerful entity, and swear  
allegiance as if to a feudal lord. But you are not the kind of person  
who'd go for that without a very good reason or purpose.  
  
"There are also weaker bonds, similar to the teacher student bond we  
share. But like our bond, there has to be a reason why the teacher  
would waste its time with you. The teacher-student bond relies on the  
idea that the student will eventually repay the teacher's actions in  
the future, whether it is through carrying on knowledge, using it, or  
teaching it to others. It relies on the student convincing the teacher  
that it's worth the teacher's investment. For this reason it is  
incumbent upon you to suggest what future value you may be.  
  
"There is also a long tradition of acquiring a spirit guide or totem  
of some sort. Almost always this is actually a three-entity  
arrangement. One very powerful individual binds a mortal and a spirit  
together. in this case there can be nearly an infinite variety of  
reasons and motivations for all three. The most common arrangement is  
a shaman asks his god to supply a spirit to aid him, or if he's really  
on the ball, to teach him.  
  
"However the reasons that the god has for making a given match might  
range from trying to entice you, to altruism, to getting an annoying  
spirit out of the bigger entity's metaphorical hair. Someone could  
give you a guide because you are just what the guide needs, rather  
than the other way around.  
  
"Invariably you'll be more or less stuck with what you get. It's in  
the preparation where you've a chance to decide what you're looking  
for. The spirit guide will in some measure also be reliant on your  
expectations, just as the form of Ran'neko's spirit was reliant before  
you wrote the contract between it and Ranma."  
  
"Do you recommend getting a spirit guide?"  
  
"If done carefully, I definitely recommend it. It's major drawback is  
that some of your options become harder after you've made a  
choice. It's benefits vary. But it's a good place to get your feet  
wet. you've got to interact with the spirit world to make the most of  
your talents at negotiation, and this is certainly far safer than  
summoning unnameable horrors from the Stygian depths. It's the  
preparation that's key. What do you want and expect from a spirit  
guide, and what type of being would be likely to agree to giving you  
what you want. I guess that'll be your homework for now. Do you have  
any other questions?"  
  
"Are there other types of relationships I could petition for?"  
  
"Millions. Practically any relationship you can form on the mortal  
world has an equivalent. The problem from your standpoint is that most  
of these involve meeting spirits one by one. You don't meet many on a  
daily basis, and you aren't equipped to risk entering the spiritual  
equivalent of a singles bar.  
  
Cologne sums up "You can offer something; beg for something; about the  
only thing you can't do is demand anything."  
  
***  
  
Nabiki starts the conversation "I thought about your suggestion of a  
guide that I could learn from. It does make sense to me, but the more  
I thought about it, the less important it seemed to me."  
  
"How so?" Cologne asks.  
  
"Well, I've you to teach me, and for those things you can't teach, I  
can select other teachers. I don't like the idea of having teachers  
forced upon me. Look at Happosai, he obviously has something to teach,  
but I wouldn't choose to learn from him."  
  
Nabiki continues, "Besides it's in the nature of students to grow to  
need different kinds of teachers at different levels. Being stuck with  
one spirit, whose teaching I outgrow seems wasteful. Sure it'll have  
other features, but one of the ones I could pick has become useless to  
me.  
  
"What I really want is a spirit that's willing and able to grow with  
me. I thought about some kind of animal spirit or an animalistic  
representation like Ran'neko, but I really want one that can speak  
Japanese. I think I also need my relationship with my guide to be more  
symbiotic than a teacher-student relationship. If the guide is clearly  
my superior, I'll always feel like I'm in it's debt. I want to feel  
that we're both benefiting. That it's somehow getting payment for  
services rendered, and not sticking with me just because it has to.  
  
Nabiki summarizes "Ideally it has to have about my intelligence so  
that I could treat it as an equal, and to keep my intellect sharp."  
  
"Well that's both vague and specific enough to allow leeway in finding  
a match for you. Who are you going to ask to find it for you?"  
  
"My goals in life are a bit vague at the moment. The possibility of  
power through non-financial means has thrown my future as an  
investment specialist into doubt. I want a benefactor who more or less  
agrees with my desires for my future, whatever I eventually  
choose. Ideally I want one that values my drive for success and  
improvement, without forcing it to follow a specific path."  
  
Cologne advises, "That rules out alot of kami. Unfortunately it  
doesn't really suggest any. It rules out all, or most, of the big  
players that the tribe has had contact with, they usually have an  
overriding interest in one area."  
  
"Is it necessary to explicitly state the benefactor?"  
  
"No, It's merely convenient. Think of it like trying to arrange any  
other deal. Knowing who to call up is a good idea. Otherwise you might  
call some people who can not help you, and are inconvenienced  
slightly. A mass mailing would just be rude, and a notice on a  
bulletin board may or may not be seen, and anyone could answer. You  
could put up a note like "to whomever meets these criteria ..." but  
you might have to try several times before you succeed."  
  
"Well then," Nabiki decides, "I'm looking for a benefactor that values  
striving for success, regardless of which path I eventually take. It  
must also not require subservience, and it must have a moral system. I  
do have a moral code, even if it differs from most people. I've  
learned to deal with people with different codes from mine, but I  
can't deal with people without them. I also want a benefactor that  
feels that my efforts to succeed benefit it, so that I'm not under a  
huge debt to the kami for arranging this. I can't imagine that there  
are alot of Kami like this, but there should be several powerful ones  
that fit this criteria."  
  
"All right. As befits my teachings earlier, we won't do anything right  
away. We'll give ourselves time to think of anything we might have  
missed. Any restrictions we might like to add before we actually do  
it. For now let us discuss the method of actually casting the  
spell. The first thing that comes to mind is that you'll probably have  
to cast it a few times before an appropriate kami notices. This is a  
problem because your reserves of magic are so low. Therefor we should  
do everything we can to minimize the amount of energy needed for each  
casting. Surely you've noticed I tend to combine stage magic, real  
magic and martial arts when I'm fighting Ranma? Tell me why I do  
that."  
  
"It's obvious that you use it to keep Ranma from finding out your true  
limits, and to keep him guessing how you do it, so that he can't  
counter it as easily."  
  
Cologne chuckles, "I do exploit those benefits, but there is a more  
fundamental one. We've discussed how faith and perception on behalf of  
the magician affect the outcome of a spell. The same is true for the  
target of a spell, and the observers. Most people don't believe in  
magic, but they do believe in human cunning and trickery. Even though  
they might never guess how it would be done.  
  
"If I wanted to teleport something in front of people, I'd have to  
fight their belief that it can't be done. But if I bring out two gaudy  
boxes, and put something in one. Then wave my hands and say things  
like 'Nothing up my sleeves', then everyone will expect the first box  
to be empty, and the second one to mysteriously have the item. And  
here's the important part, they'll believe it even if there were no  
way to do it without magic. It turns the liability of the observer's  
disbelief into the asset of their confidence that it can be done, even  
if they think it's done with mirrors."  
  
Nabiki objects "But you do it even around people who believe in  
magic. Ranma certainly does."  
  
"Yes and no. He believes implicitly in magic whenever it's from  
ancient China. You wouldn't believe what he'll swallow if I say it's  
from the Han dynasty. He wont believe that what you do is magic,  
unless you convince him you learned it from me. To his mint, you're  
engaging in the role of channeler, spiritualist, or priest. To his way  
of thinking, what you're doing is without any magic at all, you're  
just manipulating spirits the same way you do people. You'd find it  
quite difficult with your level of power to cast a spell in front of  
him if you didn't say anything.  
  
But if you tell him that something odd is about to happen, then his  
will, which is formidable, would not be a problem. Then if you tell  
him you did it with magic, he'd just assume you tricked him and want  
to keep the method secret. Follow me into the restaurant, and I'll  
show you pure magic, without the use of those potions."  
  
As they walk into the restaurant, Cologne comments "Doing the same  
thing without anyone knowing about it would be much more difficult."  
  
Cologne approaches a group of Salarimen. "Pardon the interruption, but  
I was discussing sleight of hand and stage magic with this young  
lady. I used to be quite good at it when I was younger. Would you be  
willing to help me demonstrate?"  
  
The men readily agree. Cologne produces two opaque jars with  
screw-tops, and hands one each to two different men. She turns to one  
of them. "Please make sure that it is completely empty, and screw the  
lid on tight. and put it in your pocket."  
  
He complies, and she turns to the other man. "Please write or draw  
something on this piece of paper, and seal it in your jar and put it  
in your pocket." He does so, and then she addresses the two men. "Now,  
each of you put one hand over your pocket, and touch your other hands  
together."  
  
After they do this, she instructs the men to look in their jars, and  
sure enough, the paper had gone from one jar to the other. After the  
salarimen congratulate her, Cologne and Nabiki go back into the back  
room to finish todays lessons. "There was no way to have done that  
without having an accomplice or two, or the ability to see the future  
to copy what he wrote. I was nowhere near the men, so I couldn't have  
used sleight of hand. The paper hadn't been marked until after the  
first jar had been sealed, so I couldn't have somehow planted a  
duplicate before it was sealed. If those salarimen were truly logical,  
they'd now believe in real magic."  
  
Nabiki comments "But they don't. they knew the paper would have moved  
even though there was no way to do it in a non-magical world."  
  
Cologne comments "Well, actually, there was an easier way to do it. A  
mild form of mind control could have made him write or draw something  
identical to a previously prepared sheet. and then perhaps it could be  
achieved using sleight of hand, but he was simultaneously convinced  
that it would work, when there was no way for anyone restricted to  
mundane abilities to have done it.  
  
"Luckily for you, the magic you will specialize in, which involves  
communing with spirits meshes well with the beliefs in Shinto. Most  
people believe on some level that spirits exist, even if it's merely  
an atavistic desire to exist forever, even after the body dies. But it  
is something you'll have to consider if you wish to do something  
outside of your area of expertise. Casting a spell on someone where  
you have to touch the person, becomes much easier if they think it's a  
form of shiatsu. Flying around town would be much easier wearing some  
junk that looked like a rocket-pack, or if you were seated on a broom  
or carpet."  
  
So how does this apply to making petitions to the spirit world?  
  
Anything you can do to improve the effacency of the spell, without  
adding a greater magical charge, must be done. Especially if the  
improvement can be achieved using a few yen in getting the best  
ingredients. Adding people who can add their belief will help, as well  
as using power readily available in places like Shinto shrines. Often  
a polite donation will give you a little allowance for eccentricities  
in a ceremony, as long as it in no way contradicts their  
beliefs. Let's concentrate on your beliefs first. Say you needed a  
craftsman. Assume you couldn't find it by word of mouth, and your  
phone book was gone. What would you do?  
  
Notices on bulletin boards, and in all pre-existing newspapers that  
didn't charge for announcements. If that failed, I'd shell out money  
for a real advert, or I'd spend my energy tracking down someone who  
would know the right person.  
  
So you'll want a brief, polite description, with information about the  
job, and contact information. For now we'll say that the paper has to  
be of good quality, and the message handwritten clearly in ink. You  
don't want to give the impression that you've mimeographed thousands  
of these things. I can't think of any reason why the type of paper  
would matter, as long as it's good quality. We're not trying to  
enchant the paper itself, so we can ignore the making of it as long as  
the delivery method doesn't pose a requirement. For some entities, I'd  
insist on handmade paper as being more effacious, but you're looking  
for a more forward thinking kami, rather than a traditionalist.  
  
"Likewise I can't see any reason that the ink be anything special,  
provided that it doesn't come from a cheap pen, and looks crisp and  
readable."  
  
Nabiki interrupts, "I'm a little unsure about burning messages. That's  
largely a Chinese ritual, I don't think a Shintoist would agree to  
help. I don't know what I'd replace it with."  
  
Cologne answers "You're probably right. I'm just showing my cultural  
bias, I think in terms of what I grew up with. Take a lesson from an  
old traveler, even the smartest and best prepared minds suffer culture  
shock. If you ever have to deal with a foreigner for business, you'll  
experience the same thing. Hmm, Shinto tradition relies on prayer and  
dreams for communication with the world beyond."  
  
Nabiki adds "If I'm going to perform it several times, a written form  
of the prayer is still a good idea. I don't want to misspeak the  
contract the one time someone's listening. A formal scroll to read  
from would fit. One scroll to use over several castings, instead of  
leaflets that get burned to be given to the beyond.  
  
Cologne comments "After more consideration, It's probably a bad idea  
to add a priest to the mix, as they have strong expectations about the  
spirit realm which would likely skew your own efforts. I should have  
though of this before. If you're going to be dealing with the spirit  
world on a regular basis, you're going to have to acquire the  
implements of formal worship and build your own shrine.  
  
"Do you mean a shrine as in a family shrine, or a small building for  
worship?"  
  
"The smaller one, don't worry. It doesn't need to be as big as even a  
family shrine, as you aren't going to use it to store family mementos,  
or pictures of the departed. What you need is a formal altar, you'll  
probably want to keep it in your room. You need to make a corner of  
your room into a sacred place which differentiates the mundane world  
from the larger universe."  
  
Nabiki looks warily, "Am I going to have to rope off one part of my  
room with shimenawa to keep the sacred from the profane?"  
  
Cologne chuckles. "You could, but you don't have to. The most  
important part is to always maintain a different attitude towards that  
part of the room. A temple is just a building reserved for a  
particular purpose. It is the setting aside of an area for a single  
purpose that empowers an area. The true importance of the rituals lie  
in the fact that we intentionally act in a way different from our  
normal behavior. We consciously make an effort of will to go from one  
mode of thought to another."  
  
"It sounds to me like you're describing a tea ceremony instead of an  
act of worship."  
  
"It is exactly the same thing! In order to survive in our day to day  
lives it is necessary to be thinking a thousand ways at once, trying  
to judge your courses of action based on morals, ethics, aesthetics,  
popular opinion, comfort, ease, risk. You can't afford to ignore any  
of these, however this is a hindrance to clarity of thought."  
  
"In order to keep from losing ourselves, we must have a way to keep  
what we consider important clear in our minds. Whether it's our  
principles, morals, craft, or beliefs. We set aside a time and place  
where we dismiss the thousand clamoring voices, and concentrate on  
what we feel is truly important.  
  
"For religious beliefs, you typically go to a temple. You wash your  
hands to discard the cares of the outside world. You clap your hands  
twice, not only to attract the attention of kami, but also as a formal  
notice 'From this point on, what I say or pray is really important. I  
daren't be distracted by petty things.  
  
"The tea ceremony is a form of worship towards beauty, or human  
interaction or understanding. All daily cares are discarded, only the  
ceremony is to be thought of. The host has removed all distractions  
from the area. The past and future fall away to reveal the  
present. You share that moment with other people, joined with you in  
this action. You don't talk about the game last Saturday, or the  
latest gossip, you can't hide behind the inane chatter with which we  
shield ourselves from other's scrutiny. Since no one is allowed to  
talk, you are forced to listen to each other. There might be a scroll  
hanging depicting an idea that the host thought appropriate, and the  
participants redefine their relationship through mutual contemplation  
of that idea.  
  
"A craftsman may have a workbench, or a computer set aside in an area  
where it is understood that only the craft matters. When an expert  
walks up to their own work area they stop thinking about what's for  
dinner that night, and just concentrate on making something  
wonderful. Hours fly by not due to pleasure, but due to a  
concentration that ignores the flow of time in exchange for a  
concentration on what is truly important.  
  
"The bowing when entering a dojo, the hush of a rock garden. These are  
all ways of focusing the mind on what you've determined is truly vital  
to yourself for a short time before going back into the confusing  
world. For this to work for you, it is necessary to maintain the rules  
of the place. A rock garden would be pointless with skate-boarders. A  
TV set would ruin a tea ceremony. A place can be a sacred prayer area,  
even if it's merely the idea that when standing before the altar  
nothing else matters."  
  
As Cologne slows down, Nabiki smirks "That was a kind of excessive  
answer, wasn't it?"  
  
"I guess so. It's a bit of a pet peeve of mine. The biggest danger  
from the abandoning of traditions in this modern world, is the  
discarding of traditions designed to keep us calm, rational, and  
grounded. And maybe they deserve to be discarded as outmoded or  
anachronistic. But people aren't replacing them with new rituals.  
  
"If human beings don't have some method of re-grounding themselves to  
what is really important to them, and if they don't do it regularly,  
they find themselves always running towards the future out of control  
and off balance. They feel like they're constantly running to keep  
up. That they work-to-live-to-work. And then wonder why they have a  
mental breakdown.  
  
"The point isn't that you have to stop and smell the flowers, the  
point is that you must have some time where all you are doing is  
smelling the flowers. some time for yourself. Both Shampoo and Ranma  
are separately heading for a breakdown. If I tell her to take some  
time off, she thinks if she does, she'll fall behind."  
  
Nabiki smirks "I see there's a sub-text in this lesson, that this is  
something I should watch out for. You think I need to reaffirm my  
principles?"  
  
"I think everyone needs to. However if I ordered you to do so, it'd  
have done no good. Nobody actually wants to follow good  
advice. Hopefully now, if you do get in over your head, you might  
remember a possible course of treatment.   
  
Staying up late cleaning, getting up early to start making the  
noodles, balancing food supplies versus demand while trying to direct  
the battles and love-fights that go on around here. Even I sometimes  
feel like I need a year's vacation."  
  
"Why didn't you mention this when we were talking about Kasumi's  
calmness?"  
  
"Re-centering yourself does not necessarily lead to calmness. Ranma  
finds his center before his toughest battles, ignoring everything  
else. This is about maintaining your balance, not your calm."  
  
"OK. So about building my altar ..."  
  
"Find a priest you like, and get his advice for a small personal  
shrine, and make sure that everything about it is done carefully and  
deliberately."  
  
***  
  
Nabiki goes over her preparations "OK, I'm probably ready to  
start. Better review my preparations to make sure everything is set up  
right."  
  
"I've got the small shelf for the kamidana, and a mat in front of  
it. The two Sakake Tate holding evergreen branches, 2 Heiji bottles  
containing Omiki, The Mizutama has water in it, the dish has Okome,  
the plate has salt, I've got the Ozen, and the lamps. The whole  
arrangement has been blessed, the lamps have oil, no one's drank the  
ritually purified sake."  
  
"I should never have asked the priest where to install on the shrine a redial button for repeat calls."  
  
"The scroll looks impressive even to me. Hopefully the back of the  
paper being red will bring me luck. Time for the first of my thrice  
daily prayers to the unknown. Here Goes."  
  
***  
  
There was no physical change in the bathroom. The water in the furo  
didn't even ripple, although by all rights of poetic license it should  
have glowed at the very least. None of the Tendo's were equipped to  
detect any change at all. Yet something left the furo and then the  
room, which had not entered by any normal means.  
  
Shortly thereafter, Ran'neko wanted control of the body in order to go  
out on the lawn and play. Ran'neko bounded all over the place, chasing  
and running from something only it could see. It was less like the  
predator-prey playing Ran'neko indulged in when it faced Genma, but  
the antics of a kitten chasing another siblings tail, to be chased in  
turn a moment later. That this kitten had the form of a teenage boy  
only added to the surreal display.  
  
When the game seemed to wind down to a pause, Ranma resumed control of  
his body, and walked into the house. Akane looked at him, and asked  
"What was that all about?"  
  
"Beats me. I couldn't see a thing, but Ran'neko believes he was  
playing with a friend out there." Ranma walked towards his room, with  
an unusually pensive look on his face.  
  
About an hour later, Nabiki stormed into Ranma's room. "Why didn't you  
tell me that there was some kind of spirit near the dojo? This is  
important, damn it!"  
  
Ranma's expression grows a little sheepish, but not as much as Nabiki  
expected it would. Ranma was still primarily distracted by whatever he  
was thinking about. "Sorry. I was just thinking about something else."  
  
"I need to know everything I can about it. What did Ran'neko sense?"  
  
"All I know so far is that Ran'neko thought it was a friend."  
  
"Haven't you asked it for more information yet? What have you been  
doing for the last hour?"  
  
"I've got a life of my own, you know. I'm not just some medium for you  
to get information out of!"  
  
Nabiki realized that this conversation was veering off in a direction  
she wasn't expecting, and calmed herself down. "Sorry, I just assumed  
that since weirdness always seems to drag your life into a mess, that  
you'd have found out everything you could. I've been expecting a  
spirit to show up around here, only I expected it to have come to me,  
rather than you."  
  
Ranma pauses a minute, and said "Ran'neko said that it's a young  
spirit, and its human-like, but not a human."  
  
"Is it a cross between a human and an animal?"  
  
"No. Looks mostly human. It's trying to get something across to me,  
but the images are rather disturbing. Ran'neko treats it as perfectly  
ordinary. Does really tiny kittens covered in blood and muck being  
licked by a cat mean anything to you?"  
  
"No. Wait. I've got an idea." Nabiki leaves, and returns with a  
book. "I got this from Kasumi's room. I think I remember a picture."  
as she flips through it. She finds the right page, and shows Ranma the  
picture of a red-faced baby smeared with blood.  
  
Ranma flinches, "That's disgusting! It seems to be the idea that he's  
looking for, though. What happened to that baby, though?"  
  
"It just finished being born."  
  
"That's what he's saying! The spirit had never been physically  
born. Another thing, it's healthy, but has no chi. Apparently none at  
all. That would explain why no one here could sense it at all. I  
thought it might be hiding it's presence like with the umisenken, but  
that's not it at all. Invisible and without chi leaves me nothing to  
sense it, except through how it affects it's environment, and I think  
it was intangible as well."  
  
"You're the chi-throwing martial artist. How would you go about  
passing chi from one person to another?"  
  
"You don't do that. Even healers use their own chi to encourage the  
patient's chi to flow."  
  
"Couldn't you just blast it?"  
  
"Not with the mouko takabisha or the shi shi hokudan. It might work  
with some other emotion, I dunno."  
  
"Cologne said that the wrong type of chi attack could power up a  
spirit, right? Therefor there has to be a way for a spirit to make use  
of someone else's chi. Unless she was referring to only vampiric ones,  
but it didn't sound like that to me. How does Hinako-sensei drain chi  
anyway? What's a battle aura composed of?"  
  
"It's chi, alright. It gets it's colors by burning off emotions, but  
that should only cause light inside the body, unless somehow the  
emotions are pushed out. I looked into it as it's an involuntary  
method of using chi, and I hoped it might give me a clue to using  
emotion-less chi."  
  
"Why can't the mouko takabisha be reabsorbed? Is it because blue chi  
can't meld with green chi?"  
  
"No, it's more than that. Until I launch it, I can pull it back into  
me, but once I launch it, it could hurt me as much as anyone else. The  
only reason that Ryouga's perfect shishi hokudan doesn't smash him  
when it falls back to earth, is because part of the maneuver involves  
a second small burst just before it hits him redirecting the larger  
burst to splash around him."  
  
"Let's try something. Make a mouko takabisha, but don't release  
it. Lets see if the spirit can drain it if you give it a chance."  
  
Ranma forms the sphere, and feels Ran'neko get excited. Ranma lets it  
dissipate, and tells Nabiki "Right idea, wrong place. Ran'neko thinks  
it could work, but only under alot of water for some reason. Go  
figure. Is the furo free?"  
  
Nabiki frowns slightly. It should be free, but lets slow down. "We  
have no idea what will happen, so lets do it safely."  
  
***  
  
Nabiki calls a meeting "We've got another weird event about to  
happen. Before everything dissolves into chaos, I'm taking charge, as  
I know the most about it. There's a spirit floating around here that  
Ran'neko thinks of as a harmless playmate. We're going to try  
something, and to lessen the risk, you'll be helping."  
  
Genma bitches "Akane isn't going to hit me with her mallet again?"  
  
Ranma answers "Aww, you poor widdle panda. A martial artist's life is  
fraught with peril, remember?"  
  
Nabiki interrupts. "Enough! Ranma and I will be doing the  
experiment. Genma and Akane are going to be our backup and daddy will  
be ready to get Dr. Tofu if something goes wrong. Kasumi will run to  
the Nekohanten if she sees daddy running. Any questions?"  
  
Akane complains. "Why do I have to be backup? I'm a martial artist  
too!"  
  
"Ranma has to be with me, unless anybody else has mastered the mouko  
takabisha. Kasumi has to be outside to avoid a fight. If this goes  
right, nobody will need to attack anybody, OK? The rest of you are  
there because we aren't sure what will happen. If Ranma gets possessed  
by the Ghost of Christmas Past, and an easter bunny starts lobbing  
exploding eggs, then you and Genma help me beat a retreat, until we  
know how to undo it. OK?"  
  
Ranma looks at Nabiki like she's finally cracked "Martial Arts Easter  
Egg Hiding?"  
  
Nabiki agrees. "You're right. That'd only happen to us in April. Look,  
there's a good chance nothing will happen at all, but Ran'neko thinks  
it's both likely to work, and to be a good thing, so there's no reason  
to become paranoid. I just want a backup plan in case everyone IS out  
to get us. got it?"  
  
***  
  
A few minutes later finds five people around the wash-room. Soun was  
watching from the corridor, and had a straight sprint to the stairs if  
he needed it. Genma and Akane stood inside the bathing area, blocking  
the door out. Nabiki off to the side, and Ranma kneeling before the  
furo. Ranma powers up a weak mouko takabisha.  
  
Genma objects. "Boy, don't fire that off in here!"  
  
"Of course I'm not gonna!" Ranma suddenly realizes that he has no idea  
what will happen, but that it just might be spectacular "Hey,  
everybody, watch this." And with that he plunged both hands  
underwater.  
  
No one was expecting a naked eight year old to leap out from between  
his hands, jump off his head, steal Genma's glasses, put them on  
Akane, and leap into Nabiki's arms, all the while screaming "Wheeee!"  
Ran'neko might have suspected some of that, but it didn't prepare  
anyone else.  
  
"Yippie. This is so much fun!"  
  
Nabiki tried to maintain her poise as the child ran its fingers  
through her hair, and said "I think the emergency is over. Someone  
tell Kasumi what's going on. We're going to my room. Ranma, you're  
coming with me.  
  
***  
  
Akane follows the trio of Ranma, Nabiki, and child into Nabiki's  
room. "Where the hell did that child come from?"  
  
Nabiki, who managed to gather some of her wits during the walk over,  
said "A mommy bird and a poppy bird who love each other very much, get  
certain urges and"  
  
"You know what I mean! Was she in the furo all along? Is this some  
kind of a joke?"  
  
Nabiki ignored her and asked "Ranma, is this the one Ran'neko was  
playing with earlier?" as she lays the child on her bed.  
  
"Yep..." Ranma stops as he and the Tendo's realize that unlike a  
normal eight year old, this child is completely lacking in any  
characteristics that'd determine what gender it was. even though it  
was completely naked. It also lacked a belly-button, and nipples.  
  
It started bouncing up and down on the bed. "This place is fun!" It  
turned to Nabiki, "You're Nabiki Tendo, the person I was supposed to  
report to, right? Can I call you Aunti?"  
  
"You do, and I'll refer to you as the baby."  
  
"How about 'Older sister'?" Nabiki nods. It turned to Ranma. "Who are  
you, and what's your kitty's name?"  
  
"Ranma, and he's Ran'neko. Who are you?"  
  
Akane murmurs under her breath. "What are you?"  
  
"I'm " it then began to whistle, like a drunk robin. "But it's  
traditional to take a new name, humans never get the trill just  
right." It looked at Akane and started to laugh. "Why is she looking  
like she's about to tear her hair out?"  
  
Nabiki answers "That's Akane, she has no idea what's going on, and  
it's starting to get her mad."  
  
"I AM getting mad. What happened in the bathroom?"  
  
"He let me take a bit of his chi, so I could make this body."  
  
"You mean that's not what you normally look like?"  
  
"No, this is my body. I just needed a boost to make it."  
  
Akane's voice starts to rise "But where did you come from?"  
  
"The water in the furo! Your not asking about my parents, are you? I  
thought Nabiki was joking when she started the 'birds and the bees'  
speech."  
  
"Where were you before the furo!"  
  
"Playing with Ran'neko on the grass."  
  
Akane responds "AAAAh!"  
  
Nabiki interjects "She's a spirit!" Nabiki turns to the child. "Are  
you a he or a she?"  
  
"Neither yet. You do know what boys and girls look like, don't you?"  
  
Ranma answers "I think she means do you want to be called he or she? I  
call Ran'neko he, but Nabiki refers to him as it, because he's not  
really a he or a she."  
  
"How many people live here? How many males and females?"  
  
"Three males and three females."  
  
"How many of them are young?"  
  
"Three females and Ranma."  
  
"Then use 'she' so I can join you in picking on Ranma. No sense  
joining the loosing side." she stuck her tongue out at Ranma.  
  
Ranma smiles in spite of himself. So what type of spirit are you?  
  
"I like long walks in the park, and romantic evenings by the  
fireplace." she turns to Nabiki and answers "That was the right kind  
of answer for a girl, right?"  
  
"More or less. I think he wanted to know what species you were."  
  
She looks at Ranma shocked "You're not a racist, are you?" she can't  
help grinning by the end of her sentence.  
  
Ranma decides to answer in the same spirit. "No. Akane is the one who  
likes to jog. I do kata, and jump from roof to roof."  
  
"Meanwhile, Nabiki flies. Right?"  
  
"Not yet."  
  
Akane seems to be cheering up, but she still wants to know where the  
child came from. "So what are you doing here, so far from home?"  
  
"I live here, now." She turns to Nabiki "unless you've made special  
arrangements."  
  
Akane looks at Nabiki "So where's she going to sleep?"  
  
"I never sleep! Besides, I can always get rid of this body, and build  
another."  
  
"Are you going to need Ranma to provide the energy?"  
  
"Oh no. It doesn't use up energy. I just can't do it if I'm out of  
energy."  
  
"Why are you so secretive about what you are?"  
  
"I wasn't before I realized how fun it was to keep you asking."  
  
"So what are you!"  
  
"I'm a naiad."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Why'd you bother to ask what I was if you couldn't understand the  
answer?"  
  
"I thought the answer would be useful!"  
  
Nabiki interrupts "I've thought of a name for you. How about  
Kyakuzumi?"  
  
Ranma asks "Water guest?"  
  
Nabiki answers "No, I was thinking of the characters for prank  
fountain."  
  
Akane turns to Ranma and shouts "Get out of here, we've got a naked  
girl in here!"  
  
Kyakuzumi looks at her as if she lost her head. "I've got a feminine  
name, and use a feminine pronoun, but that doesn't make me  
female. Besides, we almost never wear clothes.  
  
Nabiki asks "I thought all naiads were female, like driads."  
  
"Driads aren't female. Who ever heard of a female oak tree? Most of  
the stories are written my men, and since we don't wear clothes, most  
authors give us breasts out to here. We're not mammals anyway."  
  
Nabiki adds for her slower house-mates "Which is why you have no  
nipples or belly-button."  
  
Akane asks "Well then, how do you have children?"  
  
Kyakuzumi responds "I'll describe our process, if you describe yours."  
She winks at Akane, who blushes, looks at Ranma, and turns beet red."  
  
Kyakuzumi squints at Ranma. "Why do you have a web of water magic  
running through your body? Ran'neko isn't a water spirit, is he?"  
  
Nabiki answers "Ranma is one of a growing collection of people in the  
area who have curses from Jusenkyou."  
  
Kyakuzumi looks shocked "There are more of them? Jusenkyou is hundreds  
of miles away, isn't it?"  
  
Nabiki answers "True, but you have to remember 'More and more people  
are turning to Jusenkyou for their source of magical curses.'"  
  
Akane complains "If you're going to stay here, you're going to have to  
wear clothes."  
  
Kyakuzumi is baffled. "Why?"  
  
Akane answers "Don't you have any modesty?"  
  
"Not about my body. What's wrong with it?"  
  
Nabiki interrupts "There are two reasons besides Akane's prudity to  
wear clothes around here. One, people will assume that you're  
human. Two, people wont think we're pedophiles."  
  
Kyakuzumi frowns. "So what do you want me to wear?"  
  
Nabiki turns to Akane. "See if Kasumi has kept any of your  
hand-me-downs stored away. Jeans and a T-shirt. That kind of thing."  
She turns to Kyakuzumi "unless you're fond of dresses?"  
  
Kyakuzumi answers "It doesn't matter to me. I'll wear it, but I wont  
wear underwear! You don't need that to fool anyone!"  
  
Akane walks out, muttering about perverts.  
  
Kyakuzumi asks Nabiki "What's wrong with her? If I wore clothes around  
other naiads for no reason at all, they'd think I had a  
clothes-fetish."  
  
Ranma goggles "You mean, among naiads, Akane would be considered the  
pervert?"  
  
"Of course. You can't swim in clothes."  
  
"Akane can't swim anyway."  
  
Kyakuzumi's eyes start to tear up "Really? That's horrible!"  
  
Akane enters with some clothes, and is nearly bowled over when a  
wailing Kyakuzumi tackles her with a hug. Akane asks "What's going on  
now?"  
  
Nabiki answers "We mentioned that you couldn't swim." At this,  
Kyakuzumi's crying increased.  
  
Akane is torn between anger at her weakness being revealed, and total  
perplexity over what to do with the crying child. Eventually she  
tosses the clothes she was carrying onto the bed, and hugs Kyakuzumi  
back. "It's alright. It's alright."  
  
"But. But. To never be able to swim!"  
  
Ranma answers "Well, I wouldn't say never. She just hasn't been able  
to learn it. She might be able to, someday."  
  
Kyakuzumi looks at Akane's face. "Really?"after a few seconds "Then  
I've got a new hobby. I'll teach you to swim!"  
  
Akane now looks at her with a confusing mixture of hope, dread, and  
worry, as she resigns herself to a new round of swimming lessons. "Put  
on those clothes, and we'll introduce you to the other people living  
here."  
  
The four of them walk downstairs and enter the common area. Kyakuzumi  
squints at Genma, and a wicked smile crosses her face. She runs  
towards him with her arms open wide, screaming "Daddy!" She leaps at  
him, and Genma turns into a panda with Kyakuzumi's sopping wet clothes  
plastered to her body. Kyakuzumi is nowhere in sight, and there are  
gallons of water everywhere.  
  
Genma raises a sign "What just happened?"  
  
A naked Kyakuzumi leaps from the koi pond, giggling. "Did you see his  
face?"  
  
Soun asks "What just happened?"  
  
While Kyakuzumi put back on the wet clothes, she explained. "I saw he  
had a Jusenkyou curse too, so I discarded this body, and made a new  
one from the pool!" For some reason, her clothes were now dry, and the  
huge puddle was gone.  
  
Ranma stalks up to his father while asking "Is he really your father?"  
  
While Genma holds up a sign saying "No I'm Not!" Kyakuzumi just says  
"Of course not! I just said that to see the look on his face, and to  
keep him from moving away."  
  
Soun smiles "You're awfully clever to figure that all out."  
  
Kyakuzumi answers "Don't worry, someday you might be too."  
  
There's a shocked silence around the room, before Kyakuzumi adds  
"Sorry, I have a low tolerance for patronization. I'm called  
Kyakuzumi. What's your name?"  
  
Soun attempts to regain his dignity. "I'm Soun Tendo. Where are your  
parents?"  
  
"Why would I know that? I don't know who they are."  
  
Soun starts to break down and cry "Now they'll all think I was  
unfaithful to my wife again!"  
  
"Why doesn't anything around here make sense? I think I'm going to  
like it here."  
  
Kasumi adds "I'd better prepare a bit more for dinner then."  
  
Kyakuzumi comments "Don't worry. I don't eat. Well at least not  
food. The fish are hungry though."  
  
Akane backs up "You're here to drink our blood! I knew there was  
something fishy about this!"  
  
Kyakuzumi looks at Akane as if she were mad, and asks Nabiki "Who  
dropped a salmon down her pants? Do I look like a kappa?"  
  
Kasumi announces "Of course! I forgot to add cucumber to the salad!"  
and leaves.  
  
From outside, Mousse cries out "Prepare to Die, Ranma!"  
  
Kyakuzumi looks at Nabiki. "Another one? What does he turn into?"  
  
"A knife wielding duck with glasses."  
  
Akane asks "So if you don't drink blood, what do you eat?"  
  
"Some of the things I can do use up chi, and I can't generate any  
myself."  
  
Ranma drops down to stand on both his hands and feet, and with a yowl,  
bounds outside. Kyakuzumi shouts "Go get him, Ran'neko!"  
  
Genma thinks to himself "Well if she never met her parents, I probably  
never engaged her to Ranma."  
  
Thunder didn't roll obligingly in the background because, amazingly  
enough, Genma was right.  
  
***  
  
Cologne begins another of her lectures "So much of your magic is  
likely to deal with spirits, and interactions between vastly different  
beings, that I'd better discuss myths. It wont be at all helpful in  
casting spells, but it can be instrumental in your dealings, and your  
perception of the world around you.  
  
"Myths are anecdotes that bridge the gap between gossip and  
parable. Because of this, they are immensely useful for anyone who is  
willing to understand all of it's levels. To dismiss them as just  
stories, is to ignore a fundamental process in the way people think  
and behave.  
  
"Normally when we think of myths, we think of stories of gods and  
kings from long ago. In reality the age of the myth is irrelevant,  
It's just that all of the useless myths are quickly forgotten, and  
only those that have been useful stand the test of time. For example,  
I could tell you the story of the first time Ran'neko sneezed. It'd  
take me about 15 seconds, and no one would ever remember it. For a  
myth to be remembered, it must have some value beyond historical  
anecdote.  
  
"A barely more useful myth would be the story of a spirit who stubbed  
her toe on a valuable vase while going to the bathroom one night, and  
blasted it into bits in her anger. The moral being don't put valuable  
things where people might trip over them. The better the myth, the  
more it has to teach us. Even myths that we believe as gospel still  
had to have some additional lesson to teach, or no one would have  
bothered remembering it.  
  
"Take, for example, one of the two conflicting myths surrounding the  
Norse Wotan, and Mimir. In the earlier myth, Wotan was seeking wisdom  
and understanding, possibly to better deal with the risk of Ragnarok,  
the death of the gods. At the base of the great world tree Yggdrasil  
were three springs or pools. One was known as Urded's after the oldest  
of the Norns, the second I've long since forgotten, and the third was  
the pool of Mimir. Mimir was the name of both the pool and the  
guardian of the pool, a giant. Drinking from the pool was said to  
grant wisdom, so Wotan sought it out.  
  
"The Giant Mimir told Wotan that in order to drink from the pool, a  
sacrifice must be made. Wotan balked at this, and fought Mimir,  
thinking that by defeating the giant he'd be able to drink for  
nothing. But, after winning, when Wotan drank it did nothing for  
him. The giant explained that the sacrifice wasn't something he  
demanded, but was the nature of the pool. In order to drink a single  
horn-full of water, Wotan had to sacrifice one of his eyes. This, and  
other adventures made Wotan the wisest of the Norse gods, and was the  
reason Wotan reigned supreme while his children and grandchildren grew  
in power surpassing him.  
  
"If this story were only a recounting of events, only his family would  
have cared. It has remained a myth, because of it's allegorical  
nature, which is still useful today, even though we come from a vastly  
different culture.  
  
"Say, for example, Ranma decided he needed to become wiser.  
  
Nabiki snorts derisively  
  
Cologne continues "Just assuming, without prejudice, even though the  
event is extremely unlikely. It is pretty obvious that all his  
strength and skill wouldn't help him, it would require a willing  
sacrifice. In Ranma's case, he'd lose time from practicing, and the  
pain which an increased empathic understanding of other people brings.  
  
"Furthermore the fact that Wotan sacrificed an eye is significant  
too. An increased wisdom operates by seeing patterns in events, but by  
looking for these patterns, you distract yourself from the relatively  
unimportant details. Looking at the waving branches of a tree, you  
think of the wind blowing up there, ignoring the fact that the third  
leaf from the left has a bite taken out of it. Wotan can still see,  
but not quite as well, as his effort of thinking distracts from his  
perception of the details of the world. Wisdom is also sometimes  
gained with age, as eyesight is lost with age.  
  
"Even the giant is a metaphor. Wotan thought it was an adversary  
standing in his way, an adversary that could potentially have killed  
him, since Norse giants could kill gods, and would eventually do so  
during Ragnarok. In reality, the giant was a guide, the only one who  
really understood the pool. Without the giant, Wotan wouldn't have  
known how to use the pool. The giant paid for Wotan's misunderstanding  
by being beaten up, but still helped him gain wisdom. It is the nature  
of teachers to be discommoded by their pupils, but if they are to  
teach, they must put up with it.  
  
"It is this information, this understanding of the nature of learning,  
teaching, and understanding that transforms the story from a  
recollection of how Wotan lost an eye, into a myth worth  
remembering. We can further deduce that this myth started, and was  
perpetuated by people who understood the nature of teaching and  
learning. The myth would have been lost if it fell into the hands of  
people who did not see the advantages of a wise ruler. A tribe of  
Genmas would have forgotten it, for example.  
  
"It is precisely because the things important to people change over  
time that myths are born, grow, and die. A hunter-gatherer tribe has a  
different set of myths than an agrarian society. For this reason, for  
a religion to survive the changes of a tribe, it's myths must change  
also. Christianity didn't adopt pagan myths merely to trick the  
peasants into joining, they accepted the myths in order for it to  
survive from a desert/warlike beginning to an agrarian feudal system,  
to a semi-modern one.  
  
"One of the reasons that churches are loosing their parishioners is  
the fact that the religion hasn't found any new myths to explain how  
life has changed during the industrial revolution, much less the  
information age. Christianity is an adequate religion for those people  
involved closely with the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth that  
plants go through, and still contains many of the earlier hunter  
myths, like the ritualistic cannibalism of the celebration of mass,  
believing in the transubstantiation of bread to flesh, and eating it  
to achieve some of Jesus's grace. And if you doubt the warlike nature  
of the earliest myths, go reread the first few books of the old  
testament, and see how God instructs his followers to behave with  
other tribes.  
  
"None of these myths deal with the nature of a sixty hour workweek in  
a factory, working in a service industry, or sitting in front of a  
computer all day. None of these myths deal with a child's life in the  
classroom. The monotony and the hypocritical decisions of their elders  
over what is worth learning, and what isn't. The constant harassment  
of other children to advance their place on the social ladder at the  
expense of anyone who is a little different.  
  
"These myths exist, but are constantly in a state of flux, as no one  
set has been selected as important. They're the stories that ring  
true; that offer insight. Stories like Ernie going to borrow a vacuum  
cleaner from Grover, contemplating during the trip over what if Grover  
refused to loan it, and finally greeting a confused Grover with 'Well,  
if that's the way you feel, you can keep your stupid vacuum cleaner!'  
These stories are remembered not because you might someday want to  
borrow a vacuum cleaner, but because it is in the nature of people to  
jump to conclusions that leave others mystified, and because people  
can get mad at you even if you haven't done anything wrong.  
  
"A foreign group's religion must be understood in order to understand  
the people. Whether you believe their myths or not, the myths give  
insight into how they think and behave. As we all have our humanity in  
common, there'll be things in their myths that will provide insight  
into yourself, that you overlooked because it comes from a different  
perspective.  
  
"Some myths are truly ludicrous, but the fact that they've survived  
and flourished means that it's foolish to dismiss them out of  
hand. One of the aspects of Feng Shui is the idea of looking at an  
area with the idea 'What would a dragon think of this place?' I'm sure  
that in most cases a dragon would never see the place, so why should  
anyone care? Well, we've learned that humans can survive in the  
harshest places, and that all building and design consists of  
trade-offs. So how do you determine what the minimum requirements are  
for harmonious living?  
  
"Well, if a dragon can't get through a door, you'll have trouble  
walking in with the groceries, and your taller friends will have to  
stoop. If a dragon can't walk without tripping, you'll invariably stub  
your toe late one night while you're half asleep. It a dragon's tail  
could break something, someone will eventually knock it over. If a  
dragon can't turn around, you wont be able to pass each other in the  
hall. It turns out that a harmonious house would invariably be more  
comfortable for a dragon than an inharmonious house. We can think of  
the minimum requirements for a bigger intelligent animal, and that'd  
be a comfortable place for us. If something would annoy a dragon, it  
would invariably sometimes be annoying to a human family.  
  
"The idea that gremlins were responsible for airplane accidents during  
World War II seems ludicrous. But realize that these people were  
dealing with complicated machines, designed to be as light as  
possible, and therefor every part had to be designed to be just sturdy  
enough for it's job, and then it was going to be shot at. Overlooking  
any one of a thousand problems, and there'd be a disaster. With that  
in mind, the only sensible mindset is one of paranoia. Double-check  
everything, assume nothing, and you prevent a horrific  
accident. Suddenly a belief in gremlins starts saving lives. They  
don't necessarily believe in them, but they better act like they're  
there if the plane's going to survive.  
  
:Any myth that a significant group believes in for an extended time  
has something to teach. It might be something you already know, but it  
might not. A Christian can learn from Mohamed even if he cannot accept  
Allah. Jesus has lessons to teach atheists, and the holy books are  
vital to understand a people."  
  
"So what can a Japanese learn from Amazon culture?"  
  
"Think about our marriage laws! What better way to survive than to  
adopt neighboring dissenting ideas into the tribe, but through people  
with an inferior status? Bringing an enemy male into a marriage  
relationship brings foreign thoughts into the minds of the next  
generation, and keeps us from becoming too isolationist. It also turns  
enemies into allies, and allows us to understand our neighbors by  
studying the adopted individual. Important new ideas eventually  
replace poorer traditional methods, while unimportant differences are  
at least better understood. The trial by combat is merely a filter to  
select the better outsiders.  
  
"It's not just a eugenics program, it's a method for maintaining  
social balance and lessen the chances for war. It forces the strongest  
and most headstrong of us to learn to love an enemy, and accepts that  
outsiders have something to teach us. We cannot afford to demonize our  
outside opponents, like the Japanese did to the Koreans earlier this  
century, because we might have to clasp them to our bosom. Shampoo's  
kiss of marriage affects Shampoo much more than Ranma, because the law  
was intended to prevent warriors like Shampoo from walking down a  
prideful path that would eventually doom the tribe through outside  
conflict. If Ranma weren't so bizarrely raised, and if he didn't  
accept your sisters strange definition of proper behavior, the law  
would be much less onerous for him. And the elders are an escapement  
mechanism for when the law really screws things up."  
  
Nabiki asks "So it's not just 3000 years of tradition?"  
  
"It's an entire outlook for dealing with outsiders. Bring them into  
the tribe to change the tribe gradually, instead of letting our  
culture be wiped out by intra-marrying, or isolationism. The existence  
of the law is implicit proof that there are outsiders and outsider's  
ways worthy of adapting, not that amazon's are superior to all  
others. You'll note that the punishment for returning empty handed  
fell only on Shampoo. Everything we've done to Ranma has been intended  
to get him to go along with us, not to punish him for breaking our  
law."  
  
"So the lesson for me is I must maintain a method allowing adopting  
enemies as allies, and keeping open the possibility of changing and  
adopting my enemies beliefs." Nabiki sumarizes.  
  
"Simple to state, but hard to do, isn't it? That's why the law has  
such fangs for failure; It goes against human nature to behave that  
way, and the law would be ignored unless it was rigorously  
enforced. You have the right to consider the law an absurd  
anachronism; call it stupid, if you like. But you'd be a fool to  
ignore the lesson it has to teach, or to ignore what it means about  
amazon society."  
  
"So what should we do for myths pertaining to the information age?"  
  
"A first attempt might be 'Star Trek.' Science fiction has always been  
an excellent tool to show what might happen if a trend, or a feature  
of modern life were exaggerated. If you ignore the fight scenes, and  
Captain Kirk's efforts to get into alien's panties, you have a whole  
collection of stories that deal with an exaggerated present. The  
effort to strive for a utopia combining vastly different  
cultures. Spock as someone who suppresses strong emotions, and the  
problems and benefits that causes. Powerful beings with glaring faults  
apparent to us, highlighting the ideas that there are faults in  
ourselves that we can't see, that we have to deal with flawed people  
of differing powers and abilities.  
  
"Another example is Orwell's 1984, describing a loving dictator, the  
flimsy nature of our understanding of the past, the way that those in  
power would like us to think, and the idea of the cost of shaping such  
a utopia.  
  
"Another book I'd dearly love to see made mandatory high school  
reading is John Brunner's "Stand Upon Zanzibar", which primarily  
discusses the problems of people living in close proximity to each  
other, but which covers a huge breadth of human behavior, from  
genetics to terrorism. It's discussions on human eugenics in the  
beginning of the book were applicable even to our tiny village, as  
well as their examples of self-growth versus parenting. On top of  
that, it was a great read. Much less depressing than his "The Sheep  
Look Up" and much more useful than his book dealing with the nature of  
human thought and belief "The Stone That Never Came Down," which  
probably was his only important book with a happily ever after  
ending. I say important book, because he wrote scores of books,  
apparently just to put food on the table. These three he obviously  
crafted.  
  
"For a discussion of the effects and causes of world war II, I'd  
recommend Orwell's "Animal Farm" and the graphic novel "Maus", both of  
which cast the extremes of human behavior onto the animal kingdom to  
increase the contrasts, and to force us to evaluate ourselves from  
their perspective.  
  
"High-school reading, television and movies are the largest methods of  
creating myths that are uniform to a group. But that's just due to the  
coverage they get. Smaller groups have cherished stories that explain  
or show how that group behaves. Read a computer's fortune file, and  
see what that teaches about the computer geeks that wrote it, and  
their myths surrounding the craft of programming deterministic systems  
of nearly unimaginable complexity.  
  
"Why, even Ranma's life could be viewed as a conflict between  
physical, cultural, and natural differences between men and women, and  
how they interact.  
  
Nabiki comments "I'd probably focus on the way traditional beliefs in  
honor and the family structure try to mesh with a modern world, and  
different cultures."  
  
"If you wrote about it, though, I fear you'd have great difficulty  
fairly displaying the importance of tradition. For it to become a  
useful myth, you'd have to stress both sides fairly, as well as  
showing the conflict. With age, conservatism, and the passing of fad  
after silly fad, I suspect you could write a well balanced myth about  
Ranma's fiancees that could benefit others. Unfortunately it is the  
tendency of youth to discard tradition for 'the better way' just as  
it's the tendency of age to ignore the new way until long after it  
withstood the test of time. Wisdom is being able to thread between  
those two extremes, but that never comes easily, and no two people  
will exactly agree."  
  
***  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, Mrs. Asoko, What can I do for  
you?"  
  
"It's about Dr. Tashikaha. He's flying an offensive flag over his  
house. I'm pretty sure it's against council regulations."  
  
"How do you find it offensive?"  
  
"I can't bring myself to describe it except in the most clinical  
terms!"  
  
"That would be sufficient, please go ahead."  
  
"Well, it's a nude woman rampant, over a background containing a white  
stallion, engorged, and the motto `In Godiva Memoria'"  
  
"I see."  
  
"It's most offensive. it should be `In Godiva Memoriam!' And the  
proportions are all wrong!" 


	6. Chapter 6: Laughter Is What Happens When...

I apologize that this chapter is only half as long as usual  
  
  
  
"A Short Discussion about `The Universe'"  
by Neil Reynolds  
  
Chapter 6: Laughter Is What Happens When You're Busy Making Other Plans  
  
  
  
Akane stomped home "Grrr. That Kuno!"  
  
Kyakuzumi pipes up, "That's the delusional Samurai, right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Wanna play a prank on him?"  
  
"Sounds like fun."  
  
"All we need is some powdered red die, and for you to say something really  
corny without laughing."  
  
"Let's do it."  
  
***  
  
Cologne begins her next lecture, "You see, most of philosophy, psychology, the  
natural sciences and magical study has been implicitly based on the the idea  
that humans are the reason for the way the universe is arranged the way it  
is. In order to support this, we believe we were created by some higher  
purpose by a higher power. This, of course, undermines the basic idea that  
humans are the reason for the universe's existence, since if we were created  
by a higher power, wouldn't the universe be designed for their benefit?  
  
"At its basic level the arguments go like this. Humans have to eat in order to  
live, so isn't it wonderful we were given the ability to be hungry, to drive  
us to do that which is needed? The underlying assumption is that we can fathom  
the intentions of the Creator, and despite all evidence to the contrary, it  
only cares about our well-being.  
  
"I should probably point out at this point that I feel it is necessary to  
distinguish between the Creator, and an all-powerful god. While it seems  
logical that any being capable of starting existence is powerful to remain the  
Controller, I regard it as folly to assume that it is the case. While the  
Creator and the Controller might very well be identical, it clouds the issue  
to group them under the same title.  
  
"While humans have made great strides in rooting out the assumptions of their  
superiority; assumptions like the earth is the center of the universe. While  
we have come far, the assumptions still color both the directions of  
discovery, and some of the principles we take for granted. In magic, more than  
any other study (except possibly philosophy) is this idea erroneously  
entrenched.  
  
"We've talked before about how magical efficiency is affected by beliefs and  
underlying assumptions. For this reason, all magic that humans are able to do  
is inherently humanocentric. Almost all magic that humans can study proves  
that humans are the dominant reason for existence. However this argument is  
refuted by the existence of wild magic.  
  
"For a long time, it was believed that this magic was also humanocentric, but  
the method for discovering how to use it hadn't been found yet. This was very  
similar to the situation in western science for the two hundred years after  
Isaac Newton. Like wild magic, 'Black Body Radiation' was a mystery,  
unexplained by Newtonian physics. It was assumed it would eventually be  
explained through Newtonian physics, until Plank, Bohr, Heisenberg, and  
eventually Einstein proved that the only explanation had to lay outside of the  
current physics.  
  
"Likewise it was proven in the 1600s that wild magic could not be explained or  
duplicated by humans, no matter how much we learn. There may be parts of wild  
magic that has been misclassified, something we consider wild magic might  
actually eventually be understood, but it has been proven that there are parts  
of wild magic that could never be understood. And this distinction, applies  
both to the nature of Kami, which range from humanistic, to inconceivable, and  
to the magics of other beings, which have different limits and understanding."  
  
***  
  
Kuno steps before Akane and Kyakuzumi as she walks Akane to class. "So like  
the sun does the fiery Akane grace us with her presence. Her arrival heralds  
the dawn of our hearts just as the sun heralds a new day."  
  
Kyakuzumi asks Akane, "Does he always talk like this?"  
  
"I'm afraid so."  
  
Kuno announces "My poetry is without peer!"  
  
Kyakuzumi answers "Hardly. That stuff's so easy. Anyone can do it! Words flow  
like vomit from the Blue Thunder/ which after hearing, I need to chunder."  
Kuno begins to get mad, as Kyakuzumi continues, "Poetry's a rose, worn on  
one's sleeve/ But after Kuno's, I have to heave." Kyakuzumi begins to dance  
mockingly towards Kuno, "A fool produces doggerel verse/ But Kuno's poetry is  
always worse." Kyakuzumi ends with "A wise man fears a fool's Elan/ Such a  
fool is Tate-chan!" Kyakuzumi tilted her head, and asked Kuno "Didn't we meet  
in Monte Carlo on the night you blew your brains out? How we laughed."  
  
Finally Kuno gets fully enraged, and to scare the child away shouts "Enough!"  
and swipes towards her with his bokken, never coming near her of course, and  
not using the chi in his swing that'd injure her from a distance, as everyone  
has seen him use against Ranma.  
  
Kyakuzumi released a small spurt of water, which dissolved the powdered die  
beneath her clothes. Clutching at the reddening spot, she cried out  
"Murdered." and fell to the ground, at which point she released her body, and  
the water soaked into the ground, staining it and her empty clothes crimson.  
  
Kuno ran up to try to comprehend what happened, when Akane shouted. "The  
child-god Kyakuzumi, brutally slain by Tatewaki Kuno. Surely all the ranks of  
heaven are now arranged against him." and then she formally clapped twice.  
  
At which point, Kuno left school screaming.  
  
***  
  
Later that afternoon, Kyakuzumi looks at Akane and asks "Were we too hard on  
Kuno, or should I wait for his next bath to rise up out of the furo, and tell  
him 'One such as you is too corrupt to kill a kami.' and sink back down?"  
  
Akane laughs. "Let's see how he deals with this so far. You're good at this  
sort of thing."  
  
"Let me tell you about what I pulled on the two old men at home."  
  
"Yes please, tell me!"  
  
***  
  
Soun looks at Genma. "We've been playing Go against each other for an awfully  
long time."  
  
Genma answers "One of the joys of life!"  
  
"And after all this time, our playing styles are pretty rigid. We have a good  
idea how the other person thinks."  
  
"Inevitable, really."  
  
"The point I'm trying to make, well... In order to enliven our game, we've  
both taken to creatively use distraction. Not that either of us would ever do  
something as base and dishonorable as cheat!"  
  
"Of course not!"  
  
"But we've been doing it for so long, that our creativity has developed a  
style."  
  
"What are you getting at?"  
  
"At first I thought that yours had suddenly changed. But it makes no sense!  
Half the time it's to my advantage, and sometimes it's just a pointless  
change. You're too good at this to start screwing up so badly, so  
pointlessly."  
  
"What are you saying?"  
  
"I think there's some one else cheating here."  
  
***  
  
Kyakuzumi said "Oh, I just put a tiny enchantment on ten of their go  
stones. Whenever they're resting on wood, and no one's looking at them, they  
have a small chance to switch colors."  
  
***  
  
"We're being haunted by Dai'aoi! The ghost of the Go master that Happosai gave  
a wedgie to in 1972!"  
  
"Hurry, we must ward the house using ofuda and boxer shorts!"  
  
***  
  
Kyakuzumi said "And then I treated one of the panda's bandannas. Once it gets  
wet, he'll have a nice crop of moss and mushrooms. It should look like a  
bright green afro."  
  
***  
  
Soun tells Genma "Old friend. I don't know how to tell you this, but... You've  
become a chia pet."  
  
***  
  
Kyakuzumi said "But the crowning touch was the dried kelp I put into Soun's  
cigarettes. Burning it, and breathing in the smoke has some interesting  
medical effects."  
  
***  
  
Genma shouts back "Never mind that! When did you grow breasts?"  
  
***  
  
Cologne was passing by her room, and glanced at her shelf of  
talismans. Eggshell-thin curves of a shattered glass globe sat among the  
various devices. Cologne hurried over to run some tests.  
  
After a few other results, she rushed to the phone, and called Nabiki. "We've  
got an emergency. Incoming spiritual entity, tracking Ranma and his  
fiancees. We've got a chance this time, to prepare before everything goes  
crazy. Gather up everyone at your end, I'll bring Shampoo and Mousse, and pick  
up Ukyou on the way.  
  
***  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, President, What can I do for you?"  
  
"I need help with my impeachment proceedings."  
  
"I see."  
  
"You see, my popularity figures were too low, so I decided to have a lewd and  
lascivious affair in order to boost my reputation with the common man."  
  
"And what help did you want from me?"  
  
"Know any good female interns?"  
  
***  
  
Ranma manages to get Kasumi alone in the kitchen in order to talk. "You know,  
Kasumi, Earlier today... When Ran'neko was playing with Kyakuzumi.. I mean,  
before we did that thing in the bathroom that gave her a real body... Back  
when only Ran'neko could tell she was there..."  
  
"Yes Ranma?"  
  
"Well, Ran'neko was really happy. I couldn't tell why exactly. I couldn't  
sense her myself. But Ran'neko was really happy. Not like he'd found a friend  
he'd lost. He had no idea who Kyakuzumi was until they were introduced  
later. He was just perfectly content to play with her whoever she was.  
  
"Are you worried that Ran'neko might make friends of evil people? I don't  
think you have to worry about that."  
  
"No, that's not it at all. We've got an informal arrangement going on. We both  
sense different things from different people, and while we can't talk about  
it, we can let the other know how we feel about things. If Kyakuzumi had been  
evil and Ran'neko couldn't see it, I'd tell him, and he'd at least be  
cautious, even if he couldn't understand why. Thanks to Nabiki, we can see  
what the other is going through, at least with the normal senses, so we're  
twice as hard to fool now."  
  
"That's reassuring. What's the problem then?"  
  
"I can't remember ever having felt that way in my life. I try to dismiss it as  
unimportant, but I keep thinking about it, and feeling sadder and sadder.  
  
"What about when you used to play with Ucchan when you were young?"  
  
"That's about the closest I could come up with. I can barely remember that  
time directly. But not even then. There were all these rules about acting  
manly, and fear of embarrassment if I did the wrong thing, and not really sure  
that I knew what the wrong things were, and need to always win, and not  
understanding why my life was so different from other kids. Some of the best  
times in my life happened then, but it was nothing to the joy Ran'neko had,  
playing with a complete stranger."  
  
At this point tears started to fall from Kasumi's eyes, jarring Ranma from his  
reverie. "Please! Don't cry Kasumi. It's not that important! I just thought  
you could tell me why this is bugging me so much."  
  
Akane walks in, and sees Kasumi's tears. "What have you done to my sister!"  
She screams, and lashes out at Ranma.  
  
Ranma, being confused, and believing it must have been his fault that Kasumi  
was crying, doesn't even make a token resistance to Akane's attack, and lets  
himself be booted out of the uncertain situation.  
  
***  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, President Tashikaha, What can I do  
for you?"  
  
"I'm no longer a president. I no longer hold any titles at all."  
  
"You've given them all up?"  
  
"Yes. I realized that by holding the deed to my own house, I privately own all  
of the lands of my country, and all of the furnishings therein. Therefor I've  
abolished the government and formed a plutocracy."  
  
"So you're still the ruler?"  
  
"Yes, but my power is no longer invested by divine right, for the good of the  
people, or by the will of the people. I'm the leader because dogs haven't any  
money. All of the filthy lucre is mine, all mine."  
  
"I see, and why'd you call?"  
  
"It's about the bank, you see. My home's mortgaged."  
  
"Yes, of course"  
  
"How do I transfer that to the world bank, so I can safely default on it?"  
  
***  
  
"We have a problem." Cologne announced, "Something's coming. It's a creature  
of the undead, and it's using magic to track down Ranma and his fiancees."  
  
Nabiki asked "How do you know?"  
  
"I put low-grade scry detections on everyone, as an early warning  
system. Nothing fancy or complex, but sufficient to detect anything attempting  
to spy or track us, as long as the caster wasn't too skilled. When I detected  
the trace, I cast some further spells and divinations, and the results aren't  
good. There's an extremely powerful undead creature tracking you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"No idea. Worse, it knows we know it's coming, and it either doesn't care, or  
it can't change it's plans."  
  
Ranma asks "Do we have to take precautions to fight it, or can we just beat it  
up like a normal foe?"  
  
"I'm not sure. It has a physical body, it's not just a spirit. But whether  
it's vulnerable to physical attack or not, I don't know."  
  
***  
  
Ranma thinks to himself "I guess if even talking about it hurt Kasumi, I can't  
bring it up again. Besides, who else could really care? I can't talk about  
this with any of the girls. Ukyou would be upset because I wasn't happy enough  
with her, and the others would be pissed that I was ever happy with Ukyou in  
the first place. None of the guys would even try to understand, and all Nabiki  
did was get angry I didn't run to her with news that there was a spirit  
floatin' around."  
  
Ran'neko could sense Ranma's confusion and pain, of course, but it's cause was  
beyond Ran'neko's understanding. Even if Ranma could put his problems into  
words, Ran'neko couldn't have understood them. Ran'neko vaguely understood  
that Ranma's pain was in some way caused by its playing with Kyakuzumi  
earlier, and when Ran'neko tried to suggest that it wouldn't do it if it hurt  
Ranma so badly, Ran'neko was surprised at the vehemence of Ranma's  
objections. Ranma clearly wanted Ran'neko to do it again. Ran'neko concluded  
that the whole thing was far beyond it's understandings. Ran'neko had to  
attribute Ranma's behavior to something only humans could understand.  
  
"Why am I suddenly missing not having something I never even thought about?"  
  
***  
  
Nabiki asked "Do we even know if it's purpose is good or evil?"  
  
"We can only conjecture. It's still coming even though it knows we're ready  
for it. And undead strongly tend to be opposed to the affairs of the  
living. So either it comes in peace, It believes it's overwhelmingly powerful,  
or it has no choice, being controlled by a higher power, or being mindless, or  
desperate."  
  
"Could this be related to the arrival of Kyakuzumi? The higher power that sent  
her?"  
  
Kyakuzumi answers "Almost definitely not. It might be a new player noticing  
the number of unusual things going on in the vicinity, my arrival being the  
most recent one. But if it had to do with me, why track Ranma and those bound  
to him? Why not just send another spirit directly to me?"  
  
Nabiki adds "If it were tracking Ranma and me, I could believe it was due to  
Kyakuzumi and Ran'neko. If it were tracking just Jhusenkyou victims, that  
would make sense too. Why Ranma and the fiancees?"  
  
***  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, Tashikaha, What can I do for you?"  
  
"I lost the stranglehold on my plutocracy when Wuffles gained possession of the  
living-room."  
  
"How in the world did that happen."  
  
"My wealth led me to a dissolute life style. I lost it in drink and gambling?"  
  
"You gambled with Wuffles?"  
  
"It's a sad and tawdry story, involving an electric razor, Wuffles,  
and a rigged game of strip poker."  
  
"I see, and why'd you call?"  
  
"No reason. I just needed someone to pity and gloat over my tragic downfall."  
  
***  
  
"It's getting close."  
  
"So how do we respond when it arrives?"  
  
"We don't know why it's coming. We need information we wont get until it's  
here. Ranma is the primary target, so Ranma goes on defense to protect from  
possible attack, and to buy us time to figure out whats going on. Shampoo,  
Ukyou, and Akane stand by Ranma both to be defended and to provide additional  
defense."  
  
Cologne continues, "Avoid attacking if at all possible. Remember, if this  
creature can be defeated easily, that'd mean that there's a more powerful  
figure out there, so we need information. If it can't be defeated easily, we  
need time to find it's weakness."  
  
"Unless this is a mindless drone, treat it politely, and with respect. It's  
purpose might not be to attack, and being polite will buy us some more time."  
  
***  
  
Soun takes the phone from Kasumi "Hello, Tashikaha, What can I do for you?"  
  
"I heard the voices again! I was wrong to think they came from my  
dishwasher. That was an absurd idea. I`m surprised nobody bothered to  
point this out!"  
  
"Well I didn't want to question your faith"  
  
"But a divine dishwasher? That's crazy! No, it was the Sangreal being  
washed inside!"  
  
"Sangreal?"  
  
The holy grail that our savior used during the last supper. I got it  
by eating all the strawberry jam that came in it. It was cunningly  
disguised from unbelievers as a jar of `Happy Harry`s All-Natural  
Strawberry Preserves` at Oshika-san`s all-night `Quik`n Go` bodega."  
  
"What a lucky find."  
  
"I have recreated the knights of the wobbly kitchen table in order to  
seek out the lance of Longinus. Well, that, and to keep an eye out for  
castle Anthrax. No one`s going to slander me with the epithet `Sir  
Tashikaha the Chaste!` If any woman plans to chase me, they'll catch  
me quickly."  
  
"Should we be watching for a bad knight out on the town?"  
  
"You shouldn't suggest such things, I'm a soldier for the lord of  
peace. That means I only intentionally slaughter infidels, heretics,  
and foot soldiers for the enemy's side.  
  
"Why'd you call today?"  
  
"The holy grail insists that it be dried using damascan muslin, isn't  
that the name of another religion?"  
  
"You're thinking of Muslim, muslin's a type of cloth."  
  
"That explains why the Imam was so abusive. You'd think no one ever  
rubbed a jam jar on him before."  
  
***  
  
There is a knock at the door. Before anyone can offer advice, Kasumi goes to  
answer it, with Cologne, Nabiki, and Kyakuzumi watching closely.  
  
The door opens to reveal a short European Caucasian with long incisors,  
dressed in formal evening-wear, and wearing a star-shaped badge suspended by a  
long red ribbon around his neck like a necklace. He speaks with an  
eastern-european accent, "Good Evening. I have come to see Ranma Saotome, and  
his fiancees. You may call me 'the count.'"  
  
Kasumi says "Wont you please come in."  
  
Upon entering the living room, the vampire spots Ranma and the three fiancees,  
and without approaching them too closely, says "Ranma Saotome, I presume. It  
has taken me a long time to find you. I am especially glad to finally be able  
to see all of your fiancees."  
  
Before anyone could say or do something that might start a violent conflict,  
Cologne asks "May I ask why you have come here?"  
  
"It is because Ranma Saotome has three fiancees." He points at Shampoo "One  
fiancee!" Thunder rolls. He points at Ukyou, "Two fiancees!" He points at  
Akane, "Three Fiancees!" He starts to laugh "Ah ahh ahh ahh ahhh! Three  
fiancees! I love to count! Nice meeting you. Bye."  
  
And with that, the count turned from the stunned assemblage and walked out  
into the night.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors Note:  
  
Dai'aoi was a badly translated reference/pun on the chess computer "Big Blue" 


	7. Chapter 7: We Throw Away That Which We M...

Our story so far:  
  
All of the suspects were gathered in the drawing-room. No one would meet the  
eyes of the cigar-smoking hardboiled detective Kasumi.   
  
Who killed the rich eccentric, Soun Tendo? Was it destitute playboy Nabiki, or  
his beautiful, brainless plaything, Genma, who's bare midriff was even now  
distracting Professor Akane? Perhaps it was the aging butler, Ryouga? Or maybe  
the upstairs maid, Ranma. Detective Kasumi locked the drawing-room door, and  
announced he now knew who the murderer was...  
  
  
  
"A Short Discussion about `The Universe'"  
by Neil Reynolds  
  
Chapter 7: We Throw Away That Which We Most Desperately Need  
  
While doing her homework, that night, a squirrel holding an acorn leaped upon  
her open window sill. It stared Nabiki directly in the eye, twitched it's nose  
twice, and at some hidden signal, leaped away, dropping the acorn to roll onto  
Nabiki's desk.  
  
The acorn cap popped off of the acorn, and instead of a continuation of the  
wooden shell, Nabiki noticed a rolled up peace of paper. Apparently the shell  
had been hollowed out and the kernel removed, making the shell and cap into a  
little box, which held the tiny strip of paper.  
  
Written on the paper were two haiku and a note:  
  
Treasure DiscardedIf Nabiki's twin  
Childish Self-mutilationIs not cherished, and valued  
Abandoned ChancesShe'll be lost for good  
  
Instead of a signature, there was a note which read "Sorry about the  
doggerel, but it's expected."  
  
At this point, there's a knock on her door. She opens it and finds Ranma  
standing there with his right hand resting on the back of his head. "Sorry to  
bother you, Nabiki, but Ran'neko thought there might be someone to play with  
in your room."  
  
"Another invisible spirit?"  
  
"I don't know. Ran'neko's disappointed. Apparently it's already left. Sorry,  
to interrupt your homework." Ranma turns to leave.  
  
"Wait." Nabiki responds, louder than she'd intended. Calming, she asks "Could  
it have looked like a squirrel?"  
  
"No idea. Ran'neko didn't see it, just felt it enter your room by the window."  
  
"What do you mean, felt it?"  
  
"I don't know that either. Ran'neko may be always babbling, but he's not  
really using words, if you know what I mean."  
  
"A squirrel just delivered a message to me. Who would find a squirrel more  
convenient than the mail or the phone?"  
  
"Kuno likes to use methods like ninja and arrows to deliver messages..."  
  
"True but as far as I know, trained squirrels are beyond them, and if Ran'neko  
detected a spirit involved, then the squirrel wasn't just a trained animal."  
  
"What'd the message say?"  
  
"Now now, Ranma, you don't ask about a young lady's personal mail. But that  
does remind me. Where's my father? If he has something to do with this, he's  
in deep trouble!"  
  
***  
  
"I swear, Nabiki. I don't know anything about you having a twin."  
  
"If I find out that you are hiding anything, even if it's for our own good,  
you'll be in so much trouble, you'll be begging Happosai to take you on  
another ten year training trip. I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and I  
have methods you can't comprehend. I will succeed. You'd be better off  
confessing everything, than let me find out the hard way. Falsified medical  
records, lies, and vows of silence wont keep me from finding out the truth."  
  
Soun is too scared to break into a crying fit. "I know nothing about anything  
like that. I swear I've never heard of anything like that. Before you were  
born, we had an ultrasound done to check for medical complications, and the  
doctors told us that we'd have one daughter. I saw the pictures, there was  
only one of you there. I may have passed out during the birth, but I remember  
the ultrasound clearly!"  
  
Nabiki nodded to herself. When her father started babbling like that, his  
memory connected directly to his mouth, making it impossible to successfully  
conceal anything. In the unlikely event that she had been born a twin, several  
doctors would have had to be working in collusion, and kept everything from  
her father. If the acorn-message wasn't a complete fabrication, then twin must  
be a metaphor, or have some other meaning than the mundane idea than having  
been born with another baby. Daddy's mention of an ultrasound even ruled out  
the spirit of a stillborn twin.   
  
Unfortunately, if 'twin' was a metaphor, then the number of possibilities  
become huge. If the metaphor was stretched far enough, it could refer to any  
of the 4 billion people on the planet. If you can call any man, your brother,  
then a twin could be any person, regardless of gender. Adding in humanistic  
spirits, and the number grows still farther.  
  
Still, assuming that 'twin' was a strong metaphor, it might be possible to  
guess who's meant, assuming I even know this twin. What do I know from the  
haiku about my twin? She isn't cherished and valued, and she's either lost or  
in danger of being lost. Perhaps she's the treasure mentioned in the first  
haiku, but what do they mean by self-mutilation and abandoned chances?  
  
Is Kyakuzumi being taken for granted? I'd better find her fast!  
  
***  
  
At that point Akane and Kyakuzumi were walking back to the Tendo home,  
laughing uproariously. Akane finally says "I should have known it was  
you. How'd you do it?"  
  
"I told you I had an affinity for changing the color of things. I just made  
parts of the blackboard chalk-white, and some of the pre-existing chalk-marks  
blackboard-gray."  
  
"So that's why Ikabiru-sensei couldn't erase it!"  
  
At that point Nabiki rushed up. "Nabiki! You've got to hear what Kyakuzumi  
pulled on Ikabiru-sensei in class! When he finished writing something on the  
board, he turned around, and the whole class read what looked like he had  
written on the board, but it read 'I'm called Ikabiru because I love kissing  
squid!' He didn't know what happened until he turned around, and then he  
couldn't erase it!"  
  
Nabiki smiled and said "He always was a stick-in-the-mud. Just don't let on  
that you know how it was done, Akane, or he'll try to punish you on general  
principle."  
  
Kyakuzumi added "He better not, or I'll make the back of his shirt a giant red  
heart with a squid in the middle!"  
  
"Cologne was right, It's best not to get the attention of bored spirits."  
Nabiki commented, "And if you are the butt of their jokes, to try and take it  
in good grace. What were you doing at school anyway?"  
  
"Classrooms are great! No one's supposed to laugh, and everyone's bored out  
of their minds. Including the teachers! The only drawback is trying to keep  
from going wild, and just pulling one or two jokes at a time. That reminds  
me. Today while you were changing for gym, and Sakura was picking up her  
bloomers from the bottom of her locker, I thought of putting a big red heart  
on the back of her panties, but I didn't because I didn't know how she'd take  
it."  
  
"Oh, that'd be perfect. Up until last year she was still wearing ones with  
teddy-bears and other things printed on it. Now she's trying to wear more adult  
clothes."  
  
***  
  
After showing Kyakuzumi the note, and relaying it's origins and her  
"discussion" with her father, Nabiki asked Kyakuzumi her opinion. "Well,  
you've already gotten mixed up in something that seems to target you  
directly. If we knew who the twin was, we'd have a good grasp of whether it's  
due to something in your past, or if it's due to the studies you're going  
through right now."  
  
Nabiki commented "'Twin' has to be a metaphor. For there to be a real twin of  
me, would require a cover up by several physicians and nurses. Anything done on  
that scale more than once would have lead to a scandal large enough that I  
could easily uncover. So how do we figure out who they mean by a twin? If they  
mean someone born on the same day as I, that limits our search to a mere  
million people."  
  
"If it's one of those million people, there's nearly as many people who are  
qualified to solve it. The only reason you would be chosen in that case is if  
you were the best qualified of those million, which is improbable, and  
simultaneously the fact that you were born on the same day was vital, which is  
improbable. We're talking vaguely possible, but extremely unlikely. Much less  
than a million to one shot."  
  
"So we need another meaning to the twin metaphor, or something to seriously  
corroborate the first hypothesis before we waste time tracking down a million  
people's birth records. Thank god, but what? What should we be looking for?"  
  
"No clue. But we shouldn't be concentrating on just the 'twin'  
reference. We're given alot of clues, 'twin' is just the one that looks  
easiest to unravel. For the sake of argument, the haiku deal with two people,  
okay? You, and your twin. Therefor everything in the haiku probably refers to  
events that happened to one or both of you. If something in them referred to a  
third person it should have been mentioned."  
  
"Unless we include the author. 'Nabiki's twin' was referred to in the third  
person, so we can assume the author wasn't the twin."  
  
"Fair enough. Some of that could refer to the author, but the author isn't  
explicitly mentioned, so it seems likely that he's either uninvolved in the  
haiku, or slightly involved, so lets assume everything for now either refers to  
you or your twin, and perhaps we can discern your relation to your twin."  
  
"Ok, for starters, we know my twin is in imminent danger of being lost, and is  
either unloved, or likely to become unloved. She obviously threw away  
something of value, and in some way damaged herself, as I've never done  
that. Abandoned chances could apply to either of us. This vaguely reminds me  
of Kodachi, but it's like doing a puzzle where you think you know where a  
piece belongs, but it doesn't quite fit."  
  
"'Abandoned Chances' is too vague to be useful except as conformation.  
Everyone abandons chances every time they make choices."  
  
"There's no obvious time constraints. We don't need to act just because  
something should be done. It'd be just as stupid to go out on a limb and act  
blindly than to ignore it. I guess we keep our eyes open, and see if Cologne  
has any suggestions?"  
  
***  
  
Cologne comments "You've ignored the most interesting part of the message. The  
note on the bottom. Whoever wrote this can obviously write clearly, and is  
asking for help, but then neglects to do so. Theoretically the author could  
have written 'Sally Jones is lonely and considering suicide. Her number is  
555-1212, call after 7 pm.' What reasons would you have to obfuscate a message  
like this if you were the author?"  
  
Nabiki answers "Well, the obvious answer is if I was afraid of interception, I  
would write a message only the recipient would understand. This is unlikely  
since, one, a kami-affected squirrel delivered it to me, and was unlikely to  
be intercepted, and two, I don't understand a bloody word of it, which makes  
the code idea ludicrous."  
  
Kyakuzumi adds "I might do it to intentionally tease or confuse someone, but  
if that were the case it would be safe to ignore it, and subsequent messages  
would occur. By itself, it's just a surreal message. For it to be of any  
importance, it either has to mean something, or distract us from something  
else that's important. And since it prompts us to be more aware of our  
circumstances, there are many better ways of distracting us."  
  
Cologne adds "I was thinking that the message is some sort of teaching  
method. An aid to interpreting what will shortly occur, but who's  
interpretation will lead to a better understanding of reality than a simple  
instruction would. The author wants the problem solved with Nabiki in some  
mindset, either as a teaching method for Nabiki, or to better aid Nabiki's  
twin, who seems likely to be in some distress in the future."  
  
Nabiki realizes "Like a Zen koan, but dealing with an emotional interpersonal  
situation, rather than the perception of existence, and the search for  
enlightenment."  
  
"Exactly. The poem is a coded message, but intended for the person you will  
become while you work on the problem."  
  
"So why send it to me? All the bizarre messages are usually addressed to  
Ranma."  
  
"Why not you? You've been making waves through our lessons. Whoever is meant  
as your twin is obviously related to you in some manner. Ranma's no longer the  
only Nerimite to have stuck their finger into the pot of mysteries and given  
it a good stir. Barring myself and Happosai, who have long since achieved a  
sort of status quo with the great beyond, you are the most obvious human  
maverick who doesn't have a Jhusenkyo curse. Ranma still tops you in  
weirdness, but you outstrip the rest of your school in non-insane  
bizarreness. Consider for a moment, only you and Ranma have kami linked with  
you and acting as guides. Ranma has Ran'neko, which serves him as a companion,  
and a sort of shield-brother, and you have Kyakuzumi, who is more of a guide,  
and a culture repository for dealing with life's mysteries. Like it or not,  
you will live in interesting times."  
  
***  
  
  
The next day in class, Nabiki noticed a squirrel sitting on the outside of the  
window on the window-ledge. When only Nabiki was looking at it, it held it's  
paws to it's cheeks, pulled it's mouth open and made a face at her. The rest  
of the class noticed Nabiki's agitation, and while she was being questioned by  
the teacher, the squirrel scampered away.  
  
Later that afternoon, Nabiki gathered Akane, Ukyou, Ranma and Kyakuzumi during  
lunch, and told them what she saw. Ranma started laughing and ceased to be any  
help. Akane asked "So what do you plan to do?"  
  
"Examine any suspicious squirrels."  
  
Ranma interjected "Like the one 2 meters behind you, wearing an acorn cap on  
it's head?" They turned to regard the squirrel with the jaunty cap as it  
examined them. Then in stead of leaping into the nearest tree, it proceeded to  
walk across the lawn, stop, and look back at them.  
  
Nabiki insisted "Ok, we follow that squirrel, and see where it leads us."  
  
Ukyou commented "That's not an ordinary squirrel. Think it's another Jhusenkyo  
victim?"  
  
Kyakuzumi answered "Nope. I could detect Genma's curse. This is something  
else."  
  
The squirrel made it to the small forest behind the school, and still  
refrained from jumping into the trees, but it sped up as its followers easily  
kept its pace. Suddenly it vanished in mid leap. Nabiki thought she saw  
something as it passed between two trees, but couldn't describe what it was.  
  
"Now what?" Ukyou asked?  
  
"We look on the other side of the trees." Nabiki said as she walked around  
them.  
  
Ranma walked right between them and promptly vanished. This startled his  
fiancees into running after him, but they passed between the trees as if  
everything were normal.  
  
Kyakuzumi leaped through the trees, and vanished in mid-air, shortly to  
reappear jumping out. "Come on, Nabiki, the squirrel went this way." She  
pushed Nabiki through.  
  
"But we couldn't go through!" Akane complained.  
  
"Well I could try carrying you." Kyakuzumi picked Akane up in her arms, and  
leaped between the trees.  
  
To Akane's perspective, Kyakuzumi vanished, and Akane fell ignobly on her  
bum. But despite repeated shouts from her an Ukyou, no one returned.  
  
***  
  
In Kyakuzumi's perspective, Akane vanished from her hands, and as she landed,  
Nabiki shouted "The squirrel is going away! Follow it!" So Ranma, Nabiki, and  
Kyakuzumi followed their guide, until finally they reached a path, where the  
squirrel, obviously tired of it's activities, leaped into a tree, and vanished  
into the foliage.  
  
Ranma asked "Now what?"  
  
Nabiki answered, "First things first, where are we?"  
  
Ranma looked at her funny. "In the forest behind the school?"  
  
"Nope, The forest there is all pine trees. These trees are all deciduous."  
  
"What?"  
  
"They have leaves instead of needles. Also there are no paths like this in  
there that I know of."  
  
Kyakuzumi piped in "We must have crossed over into the far-lands."  
  
Nabiki announced "OK, time out. We're not going anywhere further until you  
tell me about the far-lands!"  
  
"Well, you humans give it all sorts of names like the spirit world, or the  
dreamlands, but those are all more poetical than accurate. There are more  
spirits than humans living here, and parts of the landscape impinges on  
dreaming people, but it's an actual physical world, where most of the laws of  
physics hold true. Except for geometry."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Like with those two trees we passed between. Going around them, and passing  
between them, brought you to two different places. We're in an area where a  
step forward, a step left, back, and then right might not bring you to the  
starting location."  
  
"So how do you keep from getting lost?"  
  
"Make sure you can retrace your steps. Can either of you remember this place,  
and how to get back to the crossing over part?"  
  
Ranma nodded "I can. Pop made me train in a forest to scavenge, and to find my  
way around."  
  
Kyakuzumi announced "Good. So can I. Nabiki, you might have trouble  
navigating, but we can get us out of this place. Do you want to go home?"  
  
Nabiki thought for a bit. "I want to get to the bottom of this. If this isn't  
some prank, then it's probably important. But why couldn't Akane and Ukyou  
follow us?"  
  
Kyakuzumi shrugs "They're normal people, they didn't have the preparation,  
skill, or ability to pass through. All three of us have touched magic. Ranma  
actually bathed in it once." Kyakuzumi grins, and then sticks her tongue out  
at Ranma.  
  
To Ranma and Nabiki's surprise, Ranma laughs at the taunt.  
  
"OK, let's follow this trail.  
  
***  
  
After a while, the path winds in front of a small shack. It was a well kept  
one story house, obviously both in great repair, and great age. By the low  
wooden porch was a tree, with dozens of glass bottles hung from it. As they  
approached, the bottles rattled and clanked together, although there wasn't  
any wind.  
  
An elderly lady, as tall as Nabiki, and with her white hair festooned with  
colorful things braided into it, walked out the open door, and regarded  
them. She seemed to find their group intrinsically funny, and asked "So what's  
a stunted halfling, a possessed skin-walker, and an underage nixie doing out  
here?"   
  
Kyakuzumi objected "I'm a naiad, not a nixie!"  
  
"Of course. I beg your pardon. But you must admit, you make the most unlikely  
party I've seen in years."  
  
Ranma asks "Am I the halfling or the skin-walker?"  
  
This starts the woman into a huge belly-laugh. "You're the skin-walker, however  
I seem to have been premature calling you possessed. It looks like the two of  
you are time-sharing that body. Two spirits, two forms, one body. Such  
irony. Boy, you're marked for either greatness or doom. No middle ground for  
you."  
  
Nabiki gets a wary expression "And I'm the stunted halfling? Are you  
commenting on the species of my parents?"  
  
"Not at all. You seem to be a fully human halfling. Perhaps some first people  
blood generations ago, but nothing worth speaking of. I'm talking about the  
face you wore before you wore a mask."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"No. I see you don't. All I will tell you is that you did yourself a mischief  
a long time ago, and now you either have to set it right, or live the rest of  
your life with the consequences. Well, you always have to live with the  
consequences, but if you fail now, there's no way to undo this one."  
  
"Are you the one who sent the squirrels?"  
  
"I don't mess with the likes of them, and I never had any inkling of you three  
before you showed up here."  
  
"Then how do you know so much about us?"  
  
"I've been called a fortune teller. It's all there to see."  
  
Ranma asks "You mean like palm reading and looking at tea leaves."  
  
"Yep. You don't actually need any of that fancy mumbo-jumbo. That's just to  
focus and direct the mind, and to give rubes their money's worth."  
  
"You said I did myself a `mischief' a long time ago? Would you refer to it as  
`childish self-mutilation'?"  
  
"I wouldn't, but there's them that would. If you're strong enough to bear the  
pain, there's alot of good comes after it. Not everyone is strong enough."  
  
Ranma asks "Why are you talking in riddles?"  
  
The hint of a frown travels from her mouth to her eyes "Riddles? I never talk  
in riddles. If you don't understand my answers, young man, it's because you  
don't understand your questions. If you can't see yourself when I describe  
you, it's because you haven't looked at yourself properly!"  
  
Kyakuzumi adds "It's also because Ranma's not familiar with the vocabulary  
you're using. His father tried to stunt his education, and all this is new to  
him." Kyakuzumi turns to Ranma and adds "A skin-walker is someone who can  
assume another form, but isn't a full-fledged polymorph. Someone who has a  
restricted set of forms he can wear. Your curse qualifies you, but just  
barely."  
  
"Just barely, for now. True skin-walkers are in control of their form, and  
change without some externally imposed spell. Even a curse woven so tightly  
into you is still intrinsically external. Some day you might become a true  
skin-walker, at which point the curse will cease to work, but I have no idea  
how you might achieve this. I do know it's possible, though."  
  
This revelation causes Ranma to pay less attention to the others, and more on  
his internal thoughts. "A cure for the curse? The ability to change forms? To  
be able to control the change? That'd be heaven in itself."  
  
Meanwhile, Nabiki asked "So, what do you think we should do?"  
  
"I think you need to follow the path further, and think about all of the  
changes you've gone through growing up. I think you need to keep asking  
questions, but I think you need to answer more of them than you are. My advice  
might be good, or bad; you can't tell. You need to answer these questions  
yourself. Now if you don't mind, these old bones want a rest. You young'uns  
don't know what it's like to tire so rapidly."  
  
Nabiki is pondering this when Kyakuzumi pipes up "Grandma, you'll be dancing  
when our grandchildren come by here."  
  
The old woman smiles at her and winks "You might be right." Suddenly she fades  
away. Nothing in the area is stirring, except the bottle-wind-chimes have  
started up again.  
  
***  
  
None of them felt like sticking around, so they continued on the path. Ranma  
was the first to notice "When did the leaves turn colors?" For some reason,  
the area they were proceeding looked like Autumn.  
  
Kyakuzumi said "We just walked into another area that's in another season. As  
far as I can tell, time is flowing at the usual rate. I can't judge the flow  
precisely, but I can warn you before we enter an area where the time is  
seriously screwed up. So don't worry about loosing centuries in here."  
  
Nabiki looked alarmed "That can happen here?"  
  
"Only much deeper in, and in areas of really high magic," She smiles and adds  
"or in a black hole."  
  
Ranma asks "So you know where we are?"  
  
"Not a clue." Kyakuzumi said "I take that back, actually that's just what I  
know. A clue. I've heard stories about this place, and I know what to look for  
if I wanted to go straight home. But I've never been here before. We're not  
far from home, although if we couldn't retrace our steps it'd take me a while  
to find the way back, and I might come out some distance from where we  
entered."  
  
A few minutes later Nabiki asked "Kyakuzumi, how do you pronounce your  
original name anyway?"  
  
Kyakuzumi whistles her name, and Nabiki tries to repeat it. Kyakuzumi laughs  
"Your pronunciation is good, but that's a horrible thing to say about your  
sister."  
  
Ranma asked Nabiki "Did you mean Akane or Kasumi?"  
  
Nabiki looked shocked at Ranma, "You understood that?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Nabiki barely resisted the urge to try to pummel Ranma.  
  
***  
  
They turn a bend in the path as the season changes back to spring, and see a  
large man sitting in the crook of a tree. He is easily taller than Genma, and  
wider, but doesn't give the impression of having the strength or skill. His  
wildly growing mustache and beard merged with his long unkempt beard to lend  
him the appearance of a bear who forgot to spruce himself up.  
  
Beside him he had a jug stopped with a cork. He was singing at the top of his  
lungs.   
I love the forest, and the forest loves me  
La la la la, la la la la la  
I love drinking while up in a tree  
La la la la, la la la la ...  
A sad look appeared on his face "I always forget the next word."  
  
Nabiki calls out "Is it 'La'?"  
  
Joy dawns on the strange man. "That's it!" He jumps out of the tree, and limps  
towards the party. "Thanks alot!"  
  
Nabiki notices that he's wearing his left shoe on his right foot, and  
vice-versa, and mentions it to him.  
  
The large man sits down in the path, and removes the left shoe from his right  
foot, and reveals he had a left foot at the end of his right leg, and a right  
foot on the end of his left leg. Still he manages to switch shoes, making him  
look normal, but making Nabiki wince at the thought of walking in shoes the  
wrong way around. However when he got up, his limp was gone. "You're a smart  
one! Why'd you come here?"  
  
"We're looking for someone, but we don't know whom."  
  
"I know what that's like, I often forget who I'm looking for also."  
  
Ranma asked "What are you doing here?"  
  
The huge man looked confused. "I don't know." He looked at Ranma "What should  
I have been doing?"  
  
Ranma answered, "I don't know."  
  
At this, the big man grinned hugely "Neither do I! I guess it's all right  
then!"  
  
Nabiki began to get a bit testy "Do you know what we are looking for?"  
  
"No! How many guesses do I get?"  
  
"This isn't a game! We're looking for information!"  
  
"I was gonna guess 'Informating', I was! No fair! Ask me another one."  
  
Kyakuzumi asked before Nabiki's temper could explode, "Bo you have any advice  
for us?"  
  
"Yes!" He nodded vigorously. "Don't look back!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"You'll trip yourself!"  
  
***  
  
After more changes of scenery the trio left the forest, their way impeded by  
a large lake. The path forked in a 'T' with nothing specifying which direction  
they should take. Resting under a tree, with a fishing rod cast into the  
lake. The man's age was indeterminate. He was extremely emaciated, and would  
have stood around eight foot tall, had he bothered to get up.  
  
Kyakuzumi walked up and stood a respectful distance, "Do you know where we're  
going?"  
  
"Anywhere you've a mind to. 'S alright by me."  
  
"I mean do you know which path we should take?"  
  
"Doesn't matter to me; shouldn't matter to you. Doesn't make much difference."  
  
Nabiki demands "Do you know who we are?"  
  
"The three fools trying to regain what the halfling threw away. She'll  
probably just throw it away after she recovers it. So why bother?"  
  
"Do you know what we're searching for?"  
  
"You're searching for yourself, and because of your past mistakes you're  
looking out here, rather than staying home like any sensible person. You're  
not likely to succeed if you don't even know what to expect. And the  
skin-walker won't help or hurt your quest, no matter how well he fights."  
  
"You know so much, why don't you just tell us what we want to know?"  
  
"Will it make you leave me alone?"  
  
"Yes." Nabiki said exasperatedly.  
  
"Take that track over there. You'll face 3 obstacles and 3 choices, and no way  
to succeed without making 3 sacrifices. Only the halfling could hope to win  
free, and you two others can't be much help beyond advice. Now I gave you the  
advice you wanted. So leave me alone."  
  
Nabiki and Ranma were about to object to their dismissal, when Kyakuzumi  
pulled them back. "Nabiki, you agreed to go away. If you don't leave now, you  
leave yourself wide open to retribution. Especially here you have to always  
follow your promises, and no wiggling around it."  
  
Nabiki and Ranma grumbled, but followed Kyakuzumi as she dragged the two  
teenagers down the trail. The trail was flanked by a row on either side of  
identical trees, and on one side the lake could be seen through the trees, and  
on the other side was a dusty plain. But on passing an otherwise unremarkable  
tree, the lake disappeared, and was replaced by a drop-off into a wooded  
valley.  
  
But on passing the last pair of trees, they found themselves exiting what  
appeared behind them to be a forest, and before them was a rickety bridge  
spanning a gorge, with a river flowing far underneath.  
  
Sitting on one of the bridge's anchor posts was a crow, with a white pattern  
on its breast. The Kanji could refer to the meanings 'number', 'strength',  
'fate', 'law', or 'figures'.  
  
Kyakuzumi said "I think that bridge will support me, and even if it doesn't, I  
can discorporate, and follow you invisibly until we reach a source of  
water. But I don't think it'll support either of you two."  
  
Ranma adds "I think I can leap it, with a running jump, but it'll be a close  
thing even for me. I couldn't make it carrying any weight."  
  
Nabiki said "So this is the first obstacle, and you two can't help me except  
by advice. If it were impossible, there wouldn't be much point, so there must  
be some way to do it."  
  
Ranma interrupts "That crow is more than just an animal. Ran'neko thinks it's  
as bright as I am."  
  
With some effort, Nabiki and Kyakuzumi managed to restrain themselves from  
insulting Ranma's intelligence. Nabiki walked up to the bird, and asked "Can  
you help me get across?"  
  
The crow's head bobbed in what looked like it might have been a nod.  
  
"Can you carry me across?"  
  
The crow cocked its head and stared at her like she was an idiot, before  
shaking its head.  
  
"Ok, so it wasn't likely. For all I know you can grow to the size of a  
plane. You can help me get across, but there's a reason you haven't done it  
yet. Does it involve my companions?"  
  
The crow shook its head in negation. Nabiki continued, "Are you holding out  
for payment or reciprocity of some kind?"  
  
The crow shook its head in negation. "You would help me if I asked?"  
  
The crow nodded. "Is there a reason I wouldn't ask you to?"  
  
The crow nodded. Nabiki turned back to her companions. "Any suggestions?"  
  
Kyakuzumi said "If you agree to it, you don't have much choice if it means you  
harm. But I don't think it does. My guess is that it is something unpleasant,  
but not too dangerous, but I've no idea what it can do."  
  
Nabiki turned back to the crow. "Is what you plan to do permanent or  
irreversible?"  
  
The crow shook its head to signal 'no'.  
  
"Is it unpleasant?"  
  
The crow cocked its head as if thinking, and then bobbed its head 'yes'.  
  
Nabiki turned back "What options do we have besides giving up for now, or  
accepting? Can we get across using another path?"  
  
Kyakuzumi shook her head "Unlikely, If we knew where we were going we might be  
able to find it by another path, but there might not even be another path. I  
told you about how geography changes around here. Some creatures can create  
their own paths, but that's beyond me."  
  
Nabiki turned back to the crow "Can you make a new path or change the  
geography around here?"  
  
The crow shook negation.  
  
After a quiet few moments, Nabiki decides "Ok, Go ahead."  
  
The crow pulls its head back as if to signify come closer, and summons her to  
the point where the crow could lean against Nabiki. Then with a wink to  
Nabiki, it sticks its head, phantom-like, into her chest, and pulls out by the  
hair, a little miniature Nabiki, who stands on the post with the crow, which  
then takes off and flew away, leaving a slightly dizzy Nabiki to look at her  
miniature.  
  
Ranma walks up and squints at the mini-Nabiki and said "Now this is weird."  
  
Nabiki comments "Ranma, get your nose away from my face. If I were six inches  
tall, I wouldn't want to be stared at like that."  
  
Ranma stands up, and looks at Nabiki "So what happened?"  
  
Nabiki turned to mini-Nabiki "Do you know what happened?"  
  
Mini-Nabiki shook her head 'no'.  
  
"Can you talk?"  
  
Mini-Nabiki shook her head 'no'.  
  
"Do you know how we can get across this gorge?"  
  
Mini-Nabiki nodded. She put out her palm face up, and with her fingers  
indicated that they should walk across.  
  
"Just walk across? One at a time?"  
  
"But you can't be that much lighter, that other you is so tiny!"  
  
Kyakuzumi grinned "Try lifting her."  
  
"Now wait a YIP!" Ranma hefted the surprised Nabiki and said "She is lighter."  
  
Nabiki bopped him on the head "Ask before you do that, you great ape."  
  
They quickly decided on an order of crossing. Kyakuzumi would go first, since  
she couldn't be hurt, merely inconvenienced. Mini-Nabiki would follow, since  
Kyakuzumi's passage would guarantee her success. Nabiki next, with Ranma to  
leap across last. While Nabiki's trip was precarious, they all made it across  
safely.  
  
From there they proceeded along with Mini-Nabiki standing on Nabiki's  
shoulder, and holding onto her ear for balance, until Nabiki stopped,  
suddenly, pale as a sheet.  
  
"What's wrong, Nabiki"  
  
"I was just thinking about how many more obstacles we'd have to face, and I  
couldn't figure it out. I was about to count it out on my fingers. I can  
balance large columns of numbers in my head, but all of a sudden, I can't!"  
Nabiki was just about to panic further when she felt a tugging at her  
hair. Turning quickly, her nose hit Mini-Nabiki, and knocked her from her  
perch. Luckily Nabiki caught her, and stared at her until she realized.  
  
"You're why I can't subtract?" Mini-Nabiki nodded.  
  
Kyakuzumi commented "The crow said is wasn't permanent."  
  
Nabiki tried to ram Mini-Nabiki into her chest until Mini-Nabiki gave her a  
rather unpleasant pinch. This seemed to finally get through to Nabiki, who  
realized that she was hurting Mini-Nabiki as well as herself, and getting  
nowhere.  
  
She also realized Ranma was beet-red, and facing away from her. Ranma couldn't  
have seen more than a hint of her brassiere through the open neck of her shirt  
where she was manhandling herself. But this made her realize she had lost her  
composure in front of Ranma, and allowed him to see something unintended, no  
matter how inconsequential it was to her. She tried to reign in her anxiety as  
she readjusted her shirt.  
  
"This isn't permanent, but I can't undo it."  
  
Kyakuzumi nodded "Someone can undo it, but not here. If we can't get it fixed  
on the way to our destination, we'll go on a search for someone who can."  
  
***  
  
After a while, they came to a swift river, with a willow tree on the near  
bank. One of the branches of the tree reached way across the water, but it  
bowed and dipped in the breeze. Seated on the branch near the trunk was  
another crow. this one had the kanji meaning 'face', 'mask', or 'features' on  
it's breast.  
  
Once again, the river was leapable by Ranma, but only barely. Kyakuzumi could  
simply discorporate, and reform on the far bank, but Nabiki would have to use  
the branch.  
  
Nabiki walked with Mini-Nabiki up to the crow, and asked "Can you put her back  
into me?"  
  
The crow shook negation. "Are you here to remove more from me?"  
  
The crow bobbed its head affirmative. "If I follow this path to the end, will we be able to recombine?"  
  
The crow bobbed its head affirmative. "Is there any for me to cross this river without you removing a part of me?  
  
The crow shook negation. "What do you plan to remove?"  
  
The crow puffed out it's breast, and began to preen the feathers there. "My  
mask? You mean ... I don't think I can." Mini-Nabiki began to stroke Nabiki's  
hair.  
  
After a few seconds of staring off into space, Nabiki said "Do it."  
  
Once again the crow winked at her, and plunged its head insubstantially  
through Nabiki's shirt and chest, and pulled out another mini-Nabiki,  
Identical to the first, before flying away, leaving the second Mini-Nabiki  
standing on the branch.  
  
The same crossing order was maintained, although the 2 Mini-Nabikis insisted  
on crossing together.  
  
As they proceeded from the far bank, with one Mini-Nabiki on each of Nabiki's  
shoulders, Her face was in constant motion.  
  
Ranma laughed "Why are you making faces?"  
  
Nabiki looked sad and worried, but fortunately for Ranma did not start to  
cry. "I can't help it. I'll be like this until I can get these two imps back  
inside of me."  
  
"Why? What did the second crow remove?"  
  
"It took out the mask I wear." Nabiki paused "I didn't want to answer that  
aloud. My-god, I'm saying everything!"  
  
Kyakuzumi rushed to her and hugged her. "Relax! Relax. You don't have to say  
everything that you think."  
  
"But how can I stop!"  
  
"Like I said, Relax. You were perfectly fine walking without talking a while  
ago. You can do it again. Just stop thinking of having a conversation with  
us. Pretend you were walking alone with your thoughts. No need to speak  
aloud."  
  
Nabiki calms down a little, but her face still conveys her anxiety, well  
beyond any anxiety Ranma had ever seen on her face. Ranma was worried more  
about Nabiki's sanity, and emotions than on any physical dangers on this  
trip. One thing was sure, those Mini-Nabikis were important, and had to be  
treated as important as people. If Nabiki lost one, there'd be hell to pay.  
  
***  
  
While Kyakuzumi was comforting Nabiki, they turned another bend, and found  
their way blocked by a stream, with a dock, a rowboat, and another crow  
standing on one of the pier's pylons. The sight of the crow clearly filled  
Nabiki with terror, and it was only through the care and attention of  
Kyakuzumi and the two Mini-Nabikis that Nabiki didn't run mindlessly away.  
  
Ranma, who had been feeling more and more useless in helping the emoting  
Nabiki took a stand between Nabiki and the crow "You aren't going to touch  
Nabiki unless you can get passed me!"  
  
To Nabiki's surprise this actually did comfort her somewhat, but the absurdity  
of Ranma fighting a non-aggressive bird had everyone else looking to the  
heavens in exasperation.  
  
Upon realizing that everyone but Ranma reacted identically, they all  
smiled. Except of course for Ranma, who didn't know what happened that was so  
funny, and except for Nabiki, who lost her balance while laughing, and  
holding her sides.  
  
Ranma, who was used to Nabiki's semi-superior smirk, rushed over to her to  
find out what was wrong, and was instrumental in keeping the Mini-Nabikis from  
being accidentally injured by Nabiki.  
  
When Nabiki recovered, she walked up the pier, and paled when she saw that  
this crow's Kanji read 'say.'  
  
Before doing anything else, they looked over the rowboat. Apparently  
Kyakuzumi, Ranma, and the two Mini-Nabikis could get into the boat together  
easily, but when Nabiki tried to enter it alone, it nearly sunk.  
  
Nabiki felt like she was about to weep openly, but the tears wouldn't  
come. Ranma had seen alot of girls going from happy to crying to happy, and  
knew that this was often artifice on the girl's parts, but he never saw anyone  
looking so miserable and still be unable to cry.  
  
The fact that she wasn't weeping allowed Ranma some control over his  
responses, but in some way Nabiki's expression scared him. If he felt like  
Nabiki looked, he wasn't sure if there was anything he could do, but change  
into a girl, and cry in private.  
  
None the less, Nabiki walked up to the third crow, and asked "There is a way  
to undo this?"  
  
The crow bobbed its head affirmative.  
  
"Then do it."  
  
After the arrival of the third Mini-Nabiki, and the departure of the third  
crow, it was determined that Nabiki could cross as long as the Mini-Nabikis  
weren't in the boat, so Kyakuzumi ferried them across in two trips. First  
Nabiki, then the trio of minis, and Ranma. This meant that the three  
Minis were always watched over.  
  
At this point, Nabiki was more worried about their safety than her own.  
  
The removal of the third Mini-Nabiki left Nabiki completely dumb, furthermore  
a little experimentation revealed that while she understood speech, she could  
neither read nor write.  
  
While this removed the danger of her babbling something she wanted to keep a  
secret, this reduced her repertoire to hand gestures, and her emotive face  
which was completely beyond her control.  
  
Kyakuzumi was the first to mention "We've faced three obstacles, and Nabiki  
has made three sacrifices. If the three choices were whether to have the crows  
go ahead, we should be near the end."  
  
But at that point, the three of them came to an unnatural cliff. The cliff was  
made of chalk and crumbling slate, which made looking over the end dangerous,  
and climbing it extremely risky even if they had the proper equipment. But  
starting well back from the edge, there was a 'U' shaped trench with a quartz  
bottom that provided a kind of slide to the bottom.  
  
For the first time on this trip, they would not be able to retrace their path  
beyond this point. Kyakuzumi took charge of the discussion, often glancing at  
Nabiki for confirmation. "We can go on. We can retrace our steps and see if  
the old lady can put Nabiki back together again, we can retreat completely and  
see if Cologne can do anything, or we can strike out at random looking for  
help.  
  
"If we go on, can you get us back home?"  
  
"Not by this route, and I don't know what we might run into, but yes, I can  
get us back again. It might be tough, but unless this is some kind of bizarre  
trap, I can do it. And a trap that bizarre makes no sense. Even if it were a  
trap, we could try and win free."  
  
"I'd go forward to find out who's behind all of this, but this doesn't seem to  
be my fight. It's Nabiki they've been playing with."  
  
"You're right." Kyakuzumi turns to Nabiki. "It's your decision."  
  
Nabiki wanted everything back the way it was. She wanted to retreat, and be  
alone. But she forced herself to weigh the odds of becoming normal taking any  
of the four choices. She didn't know if the old woman or Cologne could cure  
her, and they could always strike out on their own later on, so for now she'd  
keep to the path, and hope for a cure at the end, and failing that look for a  
cure from that point on.  
  
Kyakuzumi was the first to go down, having the least worry of death by  
impact. Her screams of delight ended with a call back that it was safe and  
fun. The next one down was Ranma, carrying the three Mini-Nabikis, since if  
something went wrong, he would be the most likely to pull of a physical  
protective maneuver. Nabiki followed after a brief hesitation.  
  
At the bottom of the slide there was a dried river bed, which headed into a  
box canyon. As Nabiki derived emotional comfort knowing where the three minis  
were at all times, the trio took turns, sitting on her shoulders with a third  
in her arms.  
  
Just after the canyon turned back into an autumn forest with a small road  
running before them, three blurs flashed out of the trees. Nabiki was too  
close to the action, but Ranma saw three crows with something on their chests  
swoop down, grab a mini-Nabiki each, and zip into the forest.  
  
Ranma immediately followed, but after a dozen steps, was within 3 feet of  
snow, with more falling from the sky. After looking for some sign of the birds  
or the minis, he walked back to the road and found Kyakuzumi comforting a  
shell-shocked Nabiki.  
  
"No sign of where they went. It's snowing over there."  
  
"We've got to search for them!"  
  
"They flew faster than I could run, even if there weren't any trees. Without  
luck, or help, we aren't going to catch them until they want to be caught."  
  
Nabiki's thoughts whorled "I've lost them. I'm stuck like this. Why did this  
happen? Who did this to me." After a while, she began to recover. "This was  
planned. Someone engineered this. They must be doing this for a reason. The  
minis aren't lost for good, they're just being held hostage, or  
something. Someone's bargaining for something. The answer is further on along  
this path."  
  
Having regained her composure, she made it clear with gestures, that they  
wouldn't search the area, but would press on further. Kyakuzumi argued against  
it, and Nabiki didn't want to leave, but she decided to push on anyway. She  
had forgotten how much of her emotions were now readable even by a socially  
inept person like Ranma, but it was also equally obvious that Nabiki meant to  
see this thing through.  
  
The next time the rode opened up into a clearing, the trees rose like redwoods  
towering into the sky. Across the clearing there was the shape of a small girl  
lying at the base of a tree, being tended to by the three  
mini-Nabikis. Without any consideration of consequences, Nabiki ran to them,  
as they ran to her.  
  
But when she tried to sweep them up into her arms, they vanished into her. The  
shock made her cry out an stumble. it was a combination shriek, and a victory  
cheer. The first vocal sound she'd made since the rowboat. Her speech,  
self-control, and voice were back, and she felt faint with relief.  
  
It took the three of them some time to convince themselves that Nabiki was  
alright before they looked at the small girl.  
  
It wasn't a young girl at all, but another miniature Nabiki. But this one was  
two feet tall. And unlike the other minis, which wore clothes identical to  
Nabiki's this Mini was wearing what looked like a young girl's night clothes.  
In addition, this Mini-Nabiki showed signs of tears, emotional exhaustion,  
malnourishment, and most alarmingly, badly healed scars on her arms and legs.  
  
"Where'd she come from?" Ranma asked.  
  
"This is the twin we were looking for. My twin."  
  
"What do we do, now that we've found her?"  
  
Kyakuzumi quotes "If Nabiki's twin/Is not cherished, and valued/She'll be lost  
for good."  
  
Nabiki wondered what to do next. Was she like the other mini-Nabikis, somehow  
split off from her. She had no recollection of having lost any part of  
herself. She had no feeling of emptiness or loss like she had felt with the  
other parts of her. If the outfit she was wearing was any indication, it had  
happened a long time ago. While not quite as bad as a toddler's jumpsuit, it  
was obviously something only a young girl might wear. She didn't remember ever  
having an outfit like that, but she might have. In spite of the garment, the  
body was the same as hers, although reduced substantially in size. The scars  
were also something she could never remember having.  
  
If this was like the minis, then incorporating it would change her, and in  
ways she couldn't predict. She was fine as she was, and wasn't fool enough to  
accept something without even knowing what it was. She wasn't in any position  
to answer questions. So deep asleep that the ministrations didn't wake her,  
and with such signs of misery that she might have cried herself to sleep. She  
was obviously in need of a week's food and rest at least.  
  
If she didn't incorporate her, what would she do then? Bring a midget version  
of herself home? What kind of life would I have if I were two feet tall. The  
words 'She'll be lost for good' went through her head. Maybe food and rest  
wouldn't be enough. There aren't any miniature clones running about, she might  
need more than food and rest to survive. Is she a stranger? Family? Part of  
myself? She's at least family, I can't let her die. I've made sacrifices for  
Akane, and Kasumi, I can make them for her.  
  
With that thought, Nabiki tried to pull the smaller Nabiki into herself, but  
she was left holding a very physically substantial version of  
herself. Disappointed, and somewhat relieved, she laid her double down.  
  
"Now what?" Ranma asked.  
  
"We found what we came for, now we have to figure out what it is we're dealing  
with."  
  
Kyakuzumi stated "Treasure Discarded, Abandoned Chances. Something you didn't  
know the value of. You may not even know its value now, but if the haiku are  
to be believed, then she's valuable to you even if you don't realize it."  
  
"Well I tried to pull her into me like the other minis, and it didn't work."  
  
Ranma asked "Is she important to you?"  
  
Nabiki's anger rose "She's family! I'd never abandon family!"  
  
"Akane and Kasumi are family too, but you wouldn't want to merge with  
them. I'm not talking about abandoning her here, I wanna know if she's  
important to you?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You can still lose her forever, whether you want to or not. How would you  
feel if she just faded away?" Kyakuzumi asked.  
  
At the thought of losing her, Nabiki was surprised to feel both anxiety and  
relief. She wasn't expecting relief. Why relief. It suddenly hit her, she was  
scared. She was willing to go through with the merging for her family, but  
left to her own devices, she'd gladly abandon this.  
  
But this might have once been part of her. Losing her would be like losing an  
arm. Perhaps she wouldn't miss it after it was gone, but she'd be lessened by  
its loss. For the first time she made a logical connection between the  
miniature body she was holding, and the idea of it being a treasure. She  
didn't know how to value it, but if she didn't treat it as something of value,  
she might lose it again forever. That might be why she lost it in the first  
place.   
  
She represented future chances. In much the same way as money did. Money by  
itself was valueless, it was the possibilities that it brought that gave it  
value. So now she could give it a value, and it was quite high indeed. A  
unique artifact. But that wasn't cherishing at all.  
  
"I don't know you at all, but I'd like to learn to love you." To Nabiki's  
surprise, the words seemed to act like a trigger, and the girl just melted  
into Nabiki like the other mini's had done. Nabiki's expression turned to  
shock and pain. Then she screamed out "Mommie!" before collapsing into  
Kyakuzumi's arms, and weeping for the first time in years.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's note:  
  
Originally I had intended the twin to have a role to play. My notes on the  
subject read "Childish. In pain. Emotive" The three crows were going to remove  
something from the following list {gem, feather, flower, bird, snake} and the  
impetuous for the journey would have appeared at the beginning of the chapter,  
instead of being left to next chapter or being removed from the story in it's  
entirety.  
  
The full nature of what happened will be explained more in the next chapter  
which will deal with the return to home.  
  
The three choices that Nabiki had to make were  
1) Take the slide, and lose their way out.  
2) Follow the road instead of hunting for the 3 kidnapped minis  
3) To accept or reject the fourth miniature.  
  
I've been rightly criticized that I have a tendency to avoid showing how  
people feel instead of telling it. I tried to make this a story about emotions,  
and not a running conversation. I hope it succeeded.  
  
  
By the way, I have no set plans for their route back home. I've a pile of  
ideas, but nothing has jelled yet. They will meet more natives that can  
actually speak. It might be centered more around Ranma and Kyakuzumi, as  
Nabiki isn't in top shape.  
  
  
The section above the title of the story is an unrelated joke.  
  
  
  
Author's Note, Take 2:  
  
I finished writing this 3 days ago. I'd have posted it if I could think of a  
title.  
I've tried:  
What lies over the horizon is more appealing than what we have  
It just didn't get up and walk away.  
Crushed diamonds  
Carry on, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary  
head to rest, don't you cry no more  
A house divided against itself cannot stand 


End file.
